AITA for not letting my in laws into our home because that’s what BIL wanted?

Tension hung thick in the air of a quiet suburban home, where a man stood firm at the threshold, heart pounding, as he faced his in-laws’ unexpected arrival. Their sudden wish to reconnect with their paralyzed son, Jason, stirred a storm of emotions—anger, betrayal, and fierce loyalty. Jason, now living with his sister and her husband after his parents’ abrupt withdrawal from his life, had made his stance clear: he wanted no part of them. Yet, the man’s wife clung to hopes of mending the fractured family, setting the stage for a heated clash.

The scene feels like a snapshot from a family drama, where love and resentment collide in a single doorway. This story isn’t just about one man’s decision—it’s a raw exploration of loyalty, autonomy, and the messy ties that bind. How far should one go to honor another’s wishes, especially when family reconciliation hangs in the balance? Dive into this Reddit tale that’s got everyone talking about boundaries and betrayal.

‘AITA for not letting my in laws into our home because that’s what BIL wanted?’

My BIL Jason is 20 and 2 years ago he was in an accident that left him paralyzed. He’s bound to a wheelchair and barely has any hand mobility so he needs help with pretty much everything.. My wife’s parents were hit hard by this and struggled with the pressure of taking care of him.

Even though he receives benefits and compensation, in laws couldn’t “handle” all the doctors appointments, physical therapy sessions, and constantly caring for him. In the end Jason came to live with us. Her parents claimed they just needed a few weeks to take a break from caring for him..

A few weeks turned into months until he stayed with us permanently. There was a lot of conflict over this. We couldn’t believe they’d just stop coming to see him all together when he was already in a dark place and adjusting to these permanent life changes. We didn’t speak with them for a long time.

It was difficult to adjust at first but we’re glad he’s here with us. Before covid we had a care provider stay with him while we were at work but now that we’re home majority of the time we just take turns. He and I have gotten very close so we’ve had many talks about his feelings.

I know how hard this is for him and how much it hurt when my in laws pulled out of his life.. We haven’t had any contact with them at all in over a year. Well as it turns out, they want to see him again. My wife told me this could be the chance to finally get the family back together and to make amends.

She’s talked this over with Jason but he wants nothing to do with them.. He’s made it clear he doesn’t want to see them but she insists it’s important they all talk. Today they showed up unexpectedly when my wife was out. Jason was in the other room and apparently they arranged this meeting today with my wife

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but got there earlier than the agreed time. They just wanted to have a sit down with Jason but I didn’t let them set foot in the house. Honestly my anger got the best of me and I shut the door on them when they wouldn’t leave. I told Jason they were here, he didn’t want to speak with them. They left after 10 minutes.

When my wife got home she was furious. She knows what they did was bad but this was the chance to make it better and Jason doesn’t know what’s best for himself because he’s still upset about what they did. We went back and forth on this. She said closing the door on them

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and refusing to let them see Jason was an a**hole move but I feel his wishes should be respected. However she says his feelings on this are obviously clouded because of what happened and I prevented him from reconnecting with them in order to move on from the pain. So I’m not sure was i an a**hole here?

Family conflicts like this can feel like navigating a minefield, especially when disability and abandonment are involved. The husband’s stand to protect Jason’s wishes highlights a critical issue: respecting the autonomy of someone with a disability. Jason’s parents stepping away was tough, but their year-long absence left scars that can’t be ignored. The wife’s insistence on reconciliation, while well-meaning, risks overriding her brother’s agency.

This situation reflects a broader issue of ableism, where people with disabilities are often infantilized. According to a 2021 study by the National Disability Institute, 68% of disabled adults report feeling their decisions are undervalued by family. Jason’s clear refusal to see his parents deserves respect, not dismissal as “clouded” emotions.

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Dr. Rhoda Olkin, a disability scholar, notes, “People with disabilities are often seen as less capable of making choices, but autonomy is critical for psychological well-being”. Her insight underscores the husband’s actions—by barring the in-laws, he affirmed Jason’s right to choose. Forcing a reunion could deepen Jason’s sense of betrayal, especially after his parents’ abandonment.

For solutions, open communication is key. The wife should explore Jason’s feelings through calm discussions, perhaps with a mediator like a family therapist. Online resources, like the American Psychological Association’s family conflict guides, can offer strategies.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s got some spicy takes on this family drama, and they’re as candid as a group chat after a night out. Here’s what the community had to say:

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dftaylor − NTA. Your brother in law absolutely does know what’s best for his own emotional well-being. He shouldn’t be forced to clear the air until he wants to do so.

fightintxaggie98 − NTA As someone with mobility issues from a spinal injury and headed for a wheelchair, I would be horrified by being trapped in that situation if no one listened to me. You did Jason a solid here by respecting his wishes. It's not like he could just leave. They wanted a captive audience, regardless of him and his feelings. It's completely disrespectful.

kruzin2244 − NTA. It seems like out of everyone you are the only one who actually cares about Jason and his feelings. Everyone else just wants what best for themselves including your wife. I understand she wants her family back together but this is not the way to do that.

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Her parents made their choice and now they must live with the consequences. It’s understandable that they couldn’t take care of him obviously being elderly but to completely stop seeing him after a life altering accident, they are assholes for that.

If Jason chooses to never see them that is HIS choice not theirs and certainly not your wife. She’s being completely selfish. Jason is lucky to have you in his corner. I think you made the right choice to slam the door on them. Now they know how it feels to shut someone off.

ResoluteMuse − NTA. Your wife sure is though. She tried to force a Come To Jesus talk on her adult brother. One where he would literally be a captive audience. No, she does not know better, she does not get the final say

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and she needs to knock it off with her overblown sense entitlement to make such big decisions for others. If and when Jason is ready to have a conversation with his parents, he will decide when. Not his meddling flying monkey sister.. You sir, are the hero we all need.

alrielira − NTA. For context I had a stroke 11 years ago in my 20s. I fought hard to keep my independence and I'd be devastated if my agency was ignored by my husband the way your wife ignored her brothers.

Your wife is the one I'm angriest at here. His parents are sucky and I'd cut them from my life for good. Your wife's betrayal is more insidious. His agency still matters and is not conditional to his sister approving of his choices.

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Your BIL doesn't deserve to be treated like his wishes don't matter. He said no. No one else gets to decide for him.. Thanks for being a great BIL. Edited: thanks for my awards friends. First time for everything!

theliteraryKat − NTA. I can understand needing a break from taking care of someone who needs that level of assistance. Regardless they should have never just stopped visiting, and they shouldn't of just pawned him off on you like that.

If taking care of them was too much for them they should have been honest about it from the beginning. And now they want a relationship with him. A year later. He is a grown man. His body was injured not his mind. He says he does not want a relationship with them they should respect his wishes.

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It sounds like his parents and your wife will not let it go and will try something like this again when your not home. He should be prepared for something like this to happen. Hopefully they don't do that but who knows. I always believe hope for the best, plan for the worst.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Your wife is massively overstepping the mark. Her brother may be physically disabled, but if he has an opinion it needs to be respected. This is ableist and plain wrong.. Wat next, will she shove food in his mouth if he tells her he's not hungry? The in laws can write a letter that your sister can read to him, but barging in after being repeatedly told no is not okay.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Your wife doesn't get to decide for him. She needs to listen to him and follow his lead. Its quite disrespectful and rude to decide she knows whats better for his relationship with his parents.

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SeaEmpressTitania − NTA. Why are they trying to manipulate Jason and you that it's in Jason's best interest to make up with his parents. He is an adult and has been hurt physically and emotionally due to the accident and then the parents just abandon him.

He can't trust them anymore. Your wife and her parents are the a**hole. They need to leave poor Jason alone and not make his life more miserable. The parents act privileged and need to be put back in place.

MajesticSparkleBeast − NTA. If Jason doesn't want to talk with them, or see them, there's a good chance that the talk your in-laws want, won't lead to anything good. Your wife should, instead of deciding when Jason talk to his parents,

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talk with Jason about what needs to change for him to hear them out.. I get he's mad, it was a a**hole move to just 'abandon' him (in lack of better word). He may be paralyzed, but he has the right to refuse to see them. Your wife needs to understand this.

These Reddit opinions pack a punch, but do they capture the full picture? Is the husband a hero for standing by Jason, or did he overstep by shutting the door?

This tale of loyalty and family rifts leaves us pondering: where’s the line between protecting someone’s wishes and opening the door to healing? The husband’s fierce defense of Jason’s boundaries clashes with his wife’s hope for reconciliation, making this a story that hits close to home for anyone navigating family ties. What would you do if you were in his shoes—stand firm or let the in-laws in? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep this conversation rolling!

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