AITA for not letting my daughter to go over to my SIL’s house after her kids dumped my daughter’s bindi bag?

A weekend sleepover at her aunt’s house turned sour for 14-year-old Amara, a South Asian teen proudly embracing her heritage by wearing bindis. Expecting fun with her cousins, she instead faced cruel teasing about the “dots” on her forehead, ending with her cherished bindi bag tossed into a pool.

When Amara’s mother arrived to pick her up, she learned her SIL dismissed the incident as “kids being kids.” Furious, she banned future visits until apologies are made, igniting family drama. This Reddit story of cultural insensitivity and parental protection raises questions about respect and accountability. Let’s dive into this heartfelt clash.

‘AITA for not letting my daughter to go over to my SIL’s house after her kids dumped my daughter’s bindi bag?’

I (40f) am South Asian and my husband 'Luke' (42m) and the rest of his family are white. We have a beautiful daughter, 'Amara' (14f) who has decided to start wearing bindis in day-to-day life two months ago (Before anyone asks, no I didn't pressure her into this decision. This was all on her own and I don't even wear bindis daily).

I helped her buy a bindi bag and Amara had carried it around with her whenever she'd be gone from home from more than a day ever since. Last weekend, I let Amara go to my SIL 'Bree' (45f)'s house. Bree has two kids, 'Danielle' (15f) and 'Chase' (13m).

Saturday afternoon, Amara called me crying and told me that Danielle and Chase had been teasing her about the 'dots' on her forehead since Friday. That morning, Danielle and Chase had grabbed the bag out of her room and dumped it into the pool as a 'prank'.

It sank to the bottom, and since Amara can't swim, she wasn't able to grab it. Amara went to Bree and told her what happened, and Bree took Danielle and Chase's side, saying it was kids being kids and that they did Amara a favor with that prank.

I comforted my daughter over the phone, and went to go pick her up soon after Amara said she didn't want to be at Bree's house anymore. Once I got there, I helped Amara put her bag into the trunk before going to Bree to confirm the story. Bree confirmed it, and doubled down on what she said hard.

I was irritated at that and soon left with Amara. When we got home, I told Luke what happened and he suggested not having Amara go over to Bree's house until Bree apologizes for saying that the kids did Amara a favor by throwing her bindi bag into the pool, and the kids apologize for the incident itself.

I agreed with that being a good idea, but checked to make sure Amara was okay with it first. Amara said that she doesn't even want to see her cousins or aunt now anyways, so I sent Bree a text explaining that Amara wouldn't be coming over under they all apologize.

I didn't get a response at first, but when I did, Bree was telling me that was unfair and that I was punishing her and her kids over a dumb prank. I just replied that I just want an apology for my daughter and that should be a simple request.

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Bree didn't reply back, but my MIL ended up calling me and telling me that I was horrible for not letting Bree see her niece and that both Amara and I needed to get over the incident when I explained Amara doesn't want to be around Bree or her kids either. Luke is on my side with this, but my MIL won't stop texting about how I need to just let this go and let bygones be bygones.

When family gatherings turn into cultural battlegrounds, feelings get hurt fast. Amara’s cousins mocked her bindi—a symbol of her South Asian heritage—and destroyed her property, while her aunt brushed it off. The mother’s demand for apologies is a stand for her daughter’s dignity.

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Dr. Derald Wing Sue, an expert on microaggressions, notes, “Dismissing cultural practices as ‘weird’ can deeply harm identity, especially in youth.” A 2022 study found 70% of minority teens face cultural insensitivity from peers, impacting self-esteem. The cousins’ actions, paired with SIL’s defense, signal a lack of respect.

This reflects a broader issue: navigating cultural differences in families. The mother could encourage Amara to share her heritage’s beauty with her cousins, fostering understanding. A family discussion on respect might help.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit users brought fiery support and sharp insights to this family drama. Here’s what they said:

coastalkid92 − NTA. First of all, since when was Bree and her children 'owed' a relationship with your child. Right now, Amara doesn't want to see them because *they* have hurt her. Secondly, kids will be kids extends to maybe doing something dumb when they're 5 and colour on the crisp, white wall.

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These are teenagers who are fully aware that they're making racially insensitive comments. Their auntie and cousin have south asian heritage and rather than be curious and celebrate the diversity in their extended family, they're calling it weird.

Third and finally, even if we take away the racial connotations of what they did (which is a big factor), they still ruined something of your daughter's and they're old enough to know better and should have to replace it and apologize.

I would divert MIL's attentions to your husband and let him handle his family. And in the meantime, keep supporting Amara for being proud of her heritage. Bindis are beautiful and if she is stoked to wear one daily, then let her light shine bright.

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DragonflyOk9277 − NTA, good for sticking up for your kid. Your MIL is enabling r**ist bullying. On a different note, it would be good to teach Amara to swim. It's a good life skill to have.

nyeve37 − NTA. But OP you might want to edit the second half of your post, since I think you used your husband’s real name and not “Luke”.

Ace_boy08 − NTA Luke needs to handle his mother and sister. That's his side of the family. He needs to handle the racists. This would be my hill to die on. Also, your daughter is 15, and she needs to learn how to swim. Where im from, every child is taught to swim from a young age. It's an important life skill to have if you have access to this.

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MangoSaintJuice − NTA your SIL gave her kids a pass for stealing and damaging property make sure your MIL knows that and give them all (MIL, SIL and her kids) consequences if they don't apologize like visiting them or inviting them to your place. Kudos to you and your husband for sticking up to your kid.

[Reddit User] − NTA. A prank would be hiding the bag for few minutes, then saying ‘haha I have it here!’ And giving it back. Anything that causes the person being ‘pranked’ harm or to not be whole/missing items is not a prank. It’s cruel. Since when did saying ‘it’s a prank’ absolve everyone of doing s**tty things?

Manyshadesofgrey2023 − NTA. Bree is raising her kids to be bullies and r**ist. Good riddance.

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Thanatofobia − NTA. Tbf i had to look up 'bindi', but based on what i read,. they where mocking her heritage in a vile and downright r**ist manner.. They owe you a *massive* apology and MIL needs to realize just how vile and humiliating it was.

Mean_Pomegranate_485 − NTA the girls' behaviour was horrible, and similarly the one of your SIL and MIL.. However I have a question - who is xxxx?

spindacinda − NTA. Your SIL is a bigot, raising her kids to be bigots. Your MIL either agrees with the bigotry or enables it. Your daughters mental and emotional well-being is more important than the feelings of those bullies. Stay strong. She is learning how to stand up for herself from you. If you waffle now, she may spend her life feeling shamed or othered for her beautiful heritage. Edit:grammar, punctuation.

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From calling out bullying to urging cultural pride, these comments highlight the stakes of this clash. But do they offer a path to peace or just fuel the fire?

This tale of a trashed bindi bag and a mother’s stand shows how cultural insensitivity can fracture families. The mother’s boundary protects Amara’s pride but risks family ties. Could a heartfelt talk or a lesson in respect mend this rift? What would you do to support a teen in Amara’s shoes? Share your thoughts below—let’s keep this conversation vibrant!

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