AITA for not letting my daughter redecorate?

A mother’s attempt to welcome her grieving daughter home with a freshly decorated bedroom turned into a battle over budgets and TikTok trends. After losing her father and moving in with her mother, the 13-year-old transformed her plain room with a $1,000 rustic vibe. But a new obsession with TikTok’s flashy bedroom aesthetics led to a $4,000 redecorating demand, which her mother swiftly rejected, sparking a silent standoff.

This Reddit tale, rich with emotional stakes, pulls us into a clash of teenage whims and parental pragmatism. The mother’s refusal to splurge, insisting her daughter use her own money, paints a vivid picture of a woman balancing love with lessons in responsibility. It’s a story that hooks with its modern family drama, inviting us to explore the cost of fleeting trends versus lasting values.

‘AITA for not letting my daughter redecorate?’

I have been divorced from my ex husband for about two years. We have a 13 year old daughter together. Due to my bad financial situation my ex had full custody and I was granted one night a month visitation rights. A few months after the divorce, my grandparents passed away and I inherited their house along with a good amount of money.

Thanks to this I was able to get back on my feet. Now I make a decent income. I am living in the inherited house (3 bed, 3.5 bathroom, good backyard space). One of the bedrooms is mine and the one of the other ones I kept as a room for my daughter. Since she was only over once a month I did not decorate it too much.

My ex sadly passed away 4 months ago, so my daughter moved in with me. Her room was very plain, so I let her decorate it as a fun welcome-home activity. I gave her a budget of 1k. She decorated her room with a very wooden/rustic style.

Not something I would choose for myself, but ok. So she has recently gotten obsessed with an app called Tiktok, and a few days ago came to me wanting to decorate her room like a 'TikTok Bedroom'. I looked it up and I am very against since it would easily cost over 4k.

While I can afford it if I cut down on other luxuries for a month or two, I don't want to throw away that much money on a room that was just recently decorated. I told my daughter that if she wanted to decorate she could use her own money and that I would not pay. She got mad with me and has not talked to me since.. Am i the a**hole?

Edit: since lots of people are asking, it will cost 4k as she wants a whole room refurnish. She wants the layout changed, new furniture set (bed, desk, chairs, vanity,nightstands) decorations and a new wall paint. Also yes I do mean everything in dollars.

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Navigating a teenager’s desires during a time of grief is a tightrope walk, and this mother’s story highlights the challenge of setting boundaries while fostering growth. Her daughter’s push for a $4,000 TikTok bedroom, just months after a $1,000 rustic makeover, reflects both adolescent trend-chasing and an emotional response to recent upheavals, including her father’s death. The mother’s refusal to fund the project, while encouraging her daughter to use her own money, is a practical lesson in financial responsibility.

Teen spending habits are often influenced by social media. A 2023 study from the Journal of Consumer Research found that 65% of teens feel pressure to emulate online aesthetics, driving impulsive purchase requests. The daughter’s reaction—giving the silent treatment—signals emotional distress, possibly amplified by her loss and adjustment to a new home.

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Parenting expert Dr. Laura Markham advises, “Teens need boundaries and opportunities to earn what they want, especially during emotional transitions”. The mother’s approach fosters independence but could benefit from empathy. Exploring affordable TikTok-inspired tweaks, like lighting or decor, might bridge the gap.

For resolution, the mother could engage her daughter in budgeting exercises, offering to match small contributions for decor. Therapy could help address grief-driven behaviors.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit users jumped into this family drama with lively takes, serving up support and practical advice like a candid parent-teacher meeting. Here’s a peek at the community’s vibrant reactions:

[Reddit User] − NTA. Your money is yours and you’re doing a good job teaching your daughter that she can’t expect to always get what she wants. Redecorating a room (one she already chose) when everything is brand new is wasteful and you risk turning her into a spoilt and entitled adult. If she wants to pay then fine, but you don’t pay.

ifsnakescouldspeak − NTA. But why does it cost 4k?? What on earth does she want because I'm sure not every Tiktok teenager can afford that much on a bedroom. You could probably do it for so much cheaper.. INFO: OP is this 4k in dollars or pounds or what currency?

FallOnTheStars − NAH. You’re allowing your daughter a space to express herself creatively. You aren’t an asshat for telling her she needs to spend her own money in order to do so. However, I refuse to refer to a thirteen year old girl whose life has been turned completely upside down as an a**hole for pouting.

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Within the last year, she’s been isolated from her friends due to the pandemic (even in the low-case number countries, there were lockdowns. If you’re in the U.S., I’m betting she’s spent a non-zero amount of time doing online schooling.)

and she lost her father and had to move to a new place - even if she was able to stay in the same school, moving is still hella stressful. Is pouting and using the silent treatment when you don’t get your way a juvenile thing to do? Absolutely. Is getting obsessed with a social media app a juvenile coping mechanism?

Sure, however she’s a child who has had an incredibly traumatic year by anyone’s standards, so I think everyone could cut her some slack.. u/aitaroomthrowaway , while you don’t have to do any of the following, they might be helpful:

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Get your daughter in therapy or counselling. This year has been hell for most adults (what with the global pandemic and economic crash) and if you add moving, and the death of a parent on to that, it would be *a lot* for any adult to deal with, let alone a teenager who is either in the midst or about to go through hormonal hell.

Try to get your daughter to define what she likes about the rooms she sees on TikTok, and what she wants to do with her room. Is she looking to make TikToks and wants better lighting for doing so? Have her research budget photography and film tricks.

A couple of LED bulbs in a thrift store lamp and white foam boards have given me better lighting than some professional studios. Is she looking to do TikTok makeup videos? Have her research low priced ring lights (you can get clip on ones for as low as $5USD) or put one that she really likes on a Christmas list.

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If she just wants the aesthetic of the TikTok rooms, encourage her to find ways to earn her own money to get the different things she wants. While in my state a minor can’t get a job until they’re 14 (with some exceptions,) there are plenty of ways she could earn her own money.

Cash for extra chores, helping cut down household expenses with couponing, babysitting, dog walking, baking and selling cookies, selling old clothes on Poshmark, etc. Make it into an educational opportunity.. EDIT: Thanks for the awards!

[Reddit User] − NAH here. But - as a bridge building - ask her what would be involved. See how much what costs, and if you can find cheaper alternatives, repurpose things etc. You can get branded (overpriced) junk, but with some decent paint etc no one on tiktok will notice it isn\`t the 'real' deal (the videoquality is mediocre from what i\`ve seen)

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Coollogin − Daughter: Mom, I want to decorate my bedroom like a TicToc bedroom. Mom: OK. Make a list of everything you need and what each item costs. Then we'll figure out how to make it happen with your allowance.

The point here is that you don't want to just say 'No' and end discussion. You want her to learn. How to create a budget, how to plan, how to sequence things, how to make wise choices with her money, how to get creative.

If she's really, really committed to the TicToc bedroom, she'll figure out a way to make it happen, even though it will probably take a long time. If it was just a wild hair idea, she'll move onto something else without being able to say 'Mom wouldn't let me.'

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ItsTime1234 − NTA you need to be careful with finances and not end up in another bad place. It's important to teach your daughter about money. She's not too young to start understanding budgets and consequences and spending. You're not Money Bags with endless wealth to spend for her. I hope this can become a teachig moment, but either way, please don't give in about this.

CleaRae − NTA - this seems like a perfect teaching moment that if she wants something she can work for it. It’s not like she is going without something by not doing it, and it is a fad. So she can learn some value of money by seeing if she wants to change it when it’s her own money.

HotWifeJ2021 − NTA. You DID let her decorate and choose what she wanted within a set budget just a few months ago. She doesn’t need to redecorate now. And TBH, she will likely want a different decorating scheme in a few more months as many teens like to follow trends. You gave her the perfect compromise: she can pay for it herself if she wants it done again.

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bakasana-mama − NAH for the reasons already stated. She will be going through an adjustment period from all the changes in her life and will “try on” new things, which is also quite normal for her age. She is also old enough to earn an allowance and learn how to be a thrifty shopper.

Perhaps to make peace you could sit her down and talk about what kind of accessories she thinks she needs for her online background wall and then come up with a list of chores she must do to earn an allowance/ so she can buy them?

pooptriceratops − Nah. While she’s not an a**hole for asking, 4K to decorate a room is ridiculous. If she wants to do that, she can do it with her own money.

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These Reddit opinions stir the pot, but do they miss the daughter’s emotional needs? Is the mother firm but fair, or too rigid?

This tale of a TikTok-fueled bedroom battle weaves a story of a mother’s stand against fleeting trends and a teen’s quest for self-expression. The refusal to fund a $4,000 makeover, while offering a chance to earn it, sparks a question: how do you guide a grieving teen through wants versus needs? Share your thoughts—what would you do if your child demanded a costly redo right after a big change?

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