AITA for not letting my dad let his new wife’s kid call me sister?

In a quiet suburban home, still heavy with the scent of grief, a young woman stands at a crossroads of family loyalty and personal boundaries. Just three months after her mother’s battle with cancer ended, her father’s whirlwind remarriage has turned her world upside down. The new wife, a stranger to the six siblings, moved in with her two children, and the father’s insistence that they call her “mom” feels like a betrayal of their mother’s memory, her grave barely settled. The 24-year-old daughter, torn between love for her siblings and resentment toward this rushed new family, faces a heart-wrenching dilemma.

Her visits to her childhood home, once a haven of shared memories, now pulse with tension. She’s determined to shield her younger siblings’ stability, but her father’s push to erase the past and force a new family dynamic tests her patience. Can she honor her mother’s memory while navigating this unfamiliar terrain, or will her defiance fracture the family further? Her story, raw and relatable, unfolds with emotional stakes that grip the heart.

‘AITA for not letting my dad let his new wife’s kid call me sister?’

My (f,24) mom died of cancer three months ago, and my dad informed me and my 5 younger siblings (12,14,16,20,22) that he had a serious gf two months later. She met the kids a week after that and they got married that day, moving her and her two kids into my childhood home the day she met the kids(ceremony was 2 days later)

My dad then declared that all my siblings should call her mom or they are dishonoring my mom's memory. When I told him 'I'm happy for you, but she isn't our mom' he threatened to disown me. I was pissed about everything and told him that I wouldn't show up to the wedding or be polite unless he accepted that they aren't my family and I won't treat them like they are.

He said sure. Anyways, I have always visited my siblings from college for a day on the weekend every two weeks. I decided for stability for the kids I would keep doing it, even know it f**king tears me apart to hear my beloved siblings that I raised call this woman mom, only weeks after our mom we loved so much died(again, she doesn't even have a headstone yet).

When I go back I have been just straight up ignoring his new wife and going about my thing with the kids. If I talked to her, honestly I would claw her face-off, so it's the best option honestly. HOWEVER.

Today, my dad is taking all of them to Florida to meet her parents(who she was living with at 50 in their house, not as a caretaker) and I was still in the house due to it being one of the weekend days I'm there, and they left super early, so I'm locking up.

I hug all my siblings goodbye after packing the car for them, and my dad turns to her kids (14, 16) and says 'hug your sister goodbye' And I straight up said ' I'm not their sister, but I will hug them anyways' and he got all mad and said 'thank you for pointing that out'

and his second wife was like ' can I get a hug' and I told her I would rather not lol. Anyways, my dad is pissed at me for not letting him slide 'oh happy sibling time' on me, with these strangers I've known for 4 weeks. Am I the a**hole here?

This family’s rapid reconfiguration is a emotional minefield, where grief and new beginnings collide. The daughter’s refusal to embrace her father’s new wife and her children reflects a natural struggle to protect her mother’s memory. According to family therapist Dr. John Gottman, as cited in Family Psychology , “Sudden family transitions, especially after loss, can destabilize relationships if not handled with empathy.” The father’s demand that his children call his new wife “mom” dismisses their grief, creating resentment rather than unity. His new wife’s children, caught in the crossfire, likely feel the tension too.

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The daughter’s choice to prioritize her siblings’ stability over engaging with her stepmother shows loyalty but risks isolation. Gottman suggests that blended families thrive when boundaries are respected and trust is built gradually. The father’s haste—marrying within weeks—ignores this, likely driven by his own need to cope. A 2023 study from the American Psychological Association notes that 60% of remarriages within a year of a spouse’s death face significant family conflict due to unresolved grief.

For solutions, the daughter could set clear boundaries with her father, perhaps saying, “I need time to process mom’s loss before building new family ties.” Open communication, as Gottman advises, can prevent escalation. She might also consider family counseling to navigate this transition, ensuring her siblings’ emotional needs are met. Engaging with her stepmother’s children neutrally, as she did with the hug, could ease tension without compromising her stance

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit crew dove into this family drama with the enthusiasm of a potluck where everyone’s got a spicy opinion. From shock at the father’s breakneck remarriage to support for the daughter’s boundary-setting, the comments are a lively mix of empathy and outrage. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

vanakov − NTA... I can't express my actual feelings without my comments getting me banned... However I strongly suspect that your father 'came to terms' with your mum's condition before she died and found the nearest person he could to help raise your siblings. I think it's utterly disrespectful to insist/demand/otherwise coerce your siblings to call her mum. She had to earn that title.. *Edit typos*

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LMH2929 − NTA. Wtf did I just read? Were your parents together at the time of death? I would ask why it’s so important to them for you guys to call her mom 2 days after meeting her, and two months after your ACTUAL mom died? F**k that. She already has two kids so I just don’t understand.

Dad and this bat of a woman are TAs for trying to replace your mom after her death, especially when it just happened!! This whole situation creeps me the hell out. Keep your eyes open. Idk for what but somethings not right. Edit after reading your replies: your dad is a f**king nut job and you need to get your siblings out and cut contact.

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Iamlordbutter − Nta, you dad moved on super fast. Very suspicious.

dart1126 − NTA. Wow. This sounds crazy how much everything is being shoved down your throats so fast. INFO. Were your parents still together when your mom died? If this lady lived with her parents in another state until just two months ago how did their relationship start and then progress so quickly?

heh98 − NTA- but uh, did you dad know her before your mom passed? Because 2 months is so fast. And how could finding another woman even be on his mind. I would be absolutely devastated.. Is she hurting? Did she have a traumatic experience and they are both just leaning on each other?

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You shouldn't be forced to call them anything but remember. Nobody except your father and the woman chose this situation. The kids and you are all just collateral in a very sad situation. I hope you show them compassion because they never asked for it either..

Maybe just elaborate on your dads state of mind a bit for your perspective? Edit: and im sorry about all this I don't mean to dig. This situation is mind boggling to me and I really hope you get a sense of normalcy soon.

[Reddit User] − NTA. I’m so sorry for your loss. Your dad f**ked up big time by not allowing you and your siblings time to grieve your mom’s passing. S**ew him for trying to shove his s**tty life choices down your throat and completely glossing over the fact that y’all just experienced a major loss.

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You do not have to consider these people family just because that would please him. I would bet money that your dad is going to have a hellish time before long with some of your siblings and their unresolved grief.

EmpressJainaSolo − NTA, and you’re burying the lede by not mentioning your dad is a religious/cult leader. With that context I also have empathy for his new wife, who has been manipulated into thinking and acting a very specific way.

That doesn’t negate anything hurtful she does but it does put it in a heartbreaking context. Please keep an eye out not only for your siblings but also for her children as well. You don’t need to love them to be their safe space and eventual escape route.

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cynical-mage − NTA, and the whole situation is shocking. How the hell did he move on so quickly?! And what planet is he living on, that he expects his grieving kids to simply forget their actual mother in the space on about 12 damn weeks? Hope he's loaded, because the therapy bills are going to be expensive!

clarafying97 − NTA. I'm so sorry for your loss and that you're dealing with this on top of it. To me it sounds as though your dad had already reconciled her death in his mind before it happened and was on the hunt for a caretaker/partner so that he wouldn't be left alone to raise 5 kids at home, hence the breakneck speed and trying to play family so soon.

mjfsuperstar92 − Reading this post and then your comments, I think this is out of Reddit's paygrade and expertise. I think you need to consult with some kind of professional about this.

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From the way your father parents to the *cult,* I don't think we're equipped to handle this. This sounds like a bad situation and you need to talk to CPS or whatever kind of protective services your country offers, at the very least. Best of luck to you. I'm so sorry this is happening 💜

These Redditors didn’t hold back, with some calling the father’s actions suspicious and others urging the daughter to protect her siblings’ emotional space. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the family fire?

This tale of grief, loyalty, and family upheaval leaves us pondering the delicate dance of blending families under the shadow of loss. The daughter’s stand, while rooted in love for her late mother and siblings, risks deepening the rift with her father. Yet, her commitment to maintaining boundaries speaks to the universal struggle of honoring the past while facing an uncertain future. What would you do if you were asked to embrace a new family just weeks after losing a loved one? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep the conversation going.

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