AITA for not letting my brother drive my car if he doesn’t leave my pride flag up?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a quiet suburban home, a small rainbow flag sparked a big family showdown. A 20-year-old man, proud of his identity, found himself at odds with his teenage brother over a six-inch pride flag adorning his car’s dashboard. What started as a simple favor—lending his car for quick errands—turned into a clash of respect, identity, and sibling stubbornness. The brother’s refusal to restore the flag after use left feelings raw and questions swirling.

The tension wasn’t just about a piece of fabric; it was about boundaries and what respect means when personal beliefs collide. As the siblings bickered, their younger sister chimed in, dismissing the issue as trivial. Was this a petty overreach or a stand for principle? The story unfolds with relatable family dynamics, a touch of teenage defiance, and a deeper question about acceptance that hooks readers instantly.

 

‘AITA for not letting my brother drive my car if he doesn’t leave my pride flag up?’

My brother (16) has a flat tire on his car. He isn’t able to fix it until next week, so he has to use a pump that he plugs into his cigarette lighter to inflate it every time he drives. This takes about 5-10 minutes. So for small errands, like running to the gas station for milk or picking up our little sister from work, I (20m) have been letting him use my car, which has a little six inch pride flag on my dash board.

Yesterday, after he got back with milk, he announced “I took down your pride flag.” I asked why, and he said so that no one he knew would see him with it. I rolled my eyes, but whatever. And I just asked if he put it back up. Here is where he started to annoy me. He said “No.

I don’t want anyone to see me putting that up. It’s in the passenger seat.” I took a moment, before telling him that he either had to put it back up, or he couldn’t use my car. He asked if I was serious, and I said yes. He has to respect my decorations or he can’t use my stuff.

I’m not saying he has to drive around with it up, but I do expect him to replace it. About an hour later he borrowed it again, and I reminded him of our deal. He came back and I, probably in a ruder tone than I should have, demanded to know if he’d put it back up.

Our little sister (15) told me to chill, because it’s not like it’s h**ophobic and I shouldn’t stop him from using my car over a piece of plastic. And frankly it wasn’t until she said that that I realized how h**ophobic it is to refuse put someone else’s decorations back up because you can’t stand the thought of someone seeing you touch the scary gay piece of plastic.

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(He didn’t stand it back up, he just placed it flat on the dash. But since it’s tricky to properly place, I’ll count it as good enough.) So, Reddit, am I the a**hole for demanding that my brother put my pride flag back up if he uses my car? I think it’s reasonable to expect my belongings to be respected, but my sister and brother think I’m being a petty tyrant.

Edit/Update: It seems the consensus is that I’m NTA. And every single YTA comment boils down to either poor reading comprehension or ‘the evil gays!’. So that’s good. Some of the ESH comments made good points. I have told my brother to get a patch kit.

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I’ve even offered to show him how to find the hole in his tire. I can lead the horse to water but I can’t make him drink. I don’t know what he’s waiting on, but he’s waiting on something that is next week. Let me re emphasize this sentence.

”I’m not saying he has to drive around with it up, but I do expect him to replace it.” Not once did I say he had to drive around with the pride flag flying. He has to reattach it to the vent when he’s done if he wants to drive my car. I also don’t think my siblings are raging homophobes.

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Yeah, my little brother was doing a h**ophobic action by refusing to put it up. But he’s not a homophobe, just someone who enjoys pissing off his older brother. They’re teenagers. And I can’t put up a permanent pride sticker because I use my car for work, so all the pettiness will have to die here.

A six-inch flag might seem trivial, but this sibling spat reveals deeper issues about respect and identity. The older brother’s insistence on restoring the pride flag reflects a stand for personal boundaries, while the younger brother’s refusal hints at discomfort with public perceptions. This clash mirrors broader tensions around visible support for marginalized communities.

Dr. Gregory Popcak, a family therapist, notes, “When personal symbols like a pride flag are dismissed, it can feel like a rejection of identity, even if unintended” (source: CatholicCounselors.com). Here, the brother’s actions—removing the flag to avoid being seen—suggest a fear of social judgment, possibly rooted in peer pressure rather than outright prejudice. Yet, his refusal to replace it crosses into disrespect, as it disregards his brother’s explicit wishes.

This situation taps into a larger issue: how young people navigate identity in public spaces. A 2023 Pew Research study found 60% of teens feel pressure to conform to peer expectations, often avoiding visible support for causes like LGBTQ+ rights to dodge bullying (PewResearch.org). The brother’s actions may stem from this fear, but they still undermine mutual respect.

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Advice: Open communication is key. The older brother could explain why the flag matters, fostering understanding without accusation. The younger brother should acknowledge the car owner’s rules. A compromise—like covering the flag during drives but replacing it after—could ease tensions while respecting both sides.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit didn’t hold back on this one, serving up a mix of fiery support and spicy takes. Here’s what the community had to say about the pride flag showdown:

Slow_Owl − NTA it's your car and your flag. If he doesn't want to be seen with a pride flag he can spend five to ten minutes inflating his tyre.. Your car your rules

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crimansquafcx2 − NTA. My personal annoyance around why he’s so embarrassed to be seen in a car with a pride flag aside… it’s your car. If he doesn’t like it, he can inflate his tire and use his own vehicle.

Excellent-Ostrich908 − NTA. Your brother IS being h**ophobic though because he doesn’t want people to SEE him touching a rainbow flag. If he wants to borrow your stuff, he can obey a very simple rule.

Lively_Sally − NTA. It's so rude to borrow something and change the decorations and not putting it back.

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ShiggnessKhan − NTA. I’m not saying he has to drive around with it up, but I do expect him to replace it.. That is the most reasonable thing I heard all day.

flannelshirt1862 − NTA, it’s not your problem if he’s too insecure to drive around with ‘a piece of plastic’ on the dashboard. It’s your car, if he borrows it he should give it back in the exact same condition he borrowed it. It’s common decency and if he can’t respect that then he should get the bus.

maggienetism − NTA. Your rule that he replaces it is reasonable. He's also way overestimating how much people look into other cars while driving, or how much they can see, but whatever, I guess? He IS h**ophobic from the sounds of it.

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marjomind − NTA your car & rules. I could understand not wanting to ride around with a car decorated with My Little Pony or something like that, but I can't really empathise with not wanting to ride around with a little rainbow flag that's INSIDE the car.. It's your decoration, your car and also; using your car is a favor you're doing him.

Boring_Ghoul_451 − NTA. You’re not being petty, this is about respecting people’s property and requests. And yes, if your brother is so bothered by a “piece of plastic” as your sister put it, he is h**ophobic, excruciatingly so.

[Reddit User] − I guess unpopular opinion here but not wanting to fly a flag does not equal homophobia. You can support gay rights without flying a flag. Some people don't like having beliefs (or anything for that matter) in their face all the time. So if he doesn't want to play a role in that then that's fine.

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But at the end of the day it is your car and your rules, even if your rules are petty. For example I can support a political candidate but still get annoyed at seeing posters/bumper stickers/flyers of said candidate everywhere. Plus he's 16. It's hard being a kid.

Yeah supporting pride is important but give him a break, he probably doesn't wanna get bullied. Not getting beat up in school is important too. It's only h**ophobic if he took the flag down because he dislikes LGBTQ+ people. If he took it down to avoid bullying then that isn't homophobia.

These Reddit opinions are bold, but do they capture the full picture? Some see a clear-cut case of respect, while others wonder if teenage insecurity deserves a pass. Either way, the debate’s as lively as a family dinner gone wrong.

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This sibling saga over a pride flag shows how small actions can spark big emotions. It’s less about the flag itself and more about respect, boundaries, and navigating identity in a world quick to judge. The older brother stood his ground, but was he too harsh on his teenage sibling? What would you do if your personal symbol was dismissed by family? Share your thoughts—how would you handle this car conundrum?

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