AITA for not leaving my mother in law anything to eat after she said she wasn’t hungry?

Imagine the scene: it’s nearly midnight, the kitchen glowing softly under a flickering bulb, and the irresistible aroma of a spicy chicken sandwich fills the air. Sarah, battling period cravings, whips up her favorite late-night treat, but her mother-in-law, Linda, waves it off, claiming she’s not hungry. Fast forward, and that single sandwich sparks a family feud that sends Linda storming out, leaving Sarah baffled and her husband fuming. What went wrong over a simple snack?

Sarah’s no stranger to family quirks. Living with her husband, Jake, and occasionally hosting Linda, she navigates their intermittent fasting routine with ease—except when her appetite roars. When Linda’s passive-aggressive hints turn into outright accusations of disrespect, Sarah’s left wondering if she’s the villain for eating what she craved. This tasty tale of miscommunication will have you questioning: who’s really at fault here?

‘AITA for not leaving my mother in law anything to eat after she said she wasn’t hungry?’

We usually do intermittent fasting meaning we don't eat after 5 pm but when I'm on my period, my appetite gets several times bigger. Last night I craved for a chicken sandwich with chilli and I asked my mother in law whether she wanted any. She said no she wasn't hungry and since my husband doesn't eat at that time, I only made one.

I quickly gobbled it up and when my mother in law came into the kitchen again, the plate was already wiped clean. She asked me in shock you're done that fast?! I was pretty embarrassed and told her it's my favorite. Then she said and you didn't think to at least offer people staying in the house with you a bite?

I was confused and told her but you said you weren't hungry and Jake (my husband) doesn't eat at this hour. She said you didn't think to store some in the fridge in case I DO get hungry?! I told her I'm sorry I really didn't think that far ahead. I'll make a new one. But then I remembered that we were all out of chilli and sheepishly told her imma go buy some. She told me not to bother but I insisted.

But even after looking at several convenience stores, I couldn't find the brand I was looking for and since it was nearly midnight by then, I didn't have many options. I called Jake and asked him what I should do and he told me to just get one from a snack near us. When I got home though and brought it to my mother in law, she refused to eat it and said I told you to forget it I don't eat takeout.

She insisted she didn't want it nor did she want anything else as she wasn't hungry, that she had just smelled the chilli earlier and wanted a bite. I told her okay if you need anything let me know. I went back to the kitchen and..... ate that sandwich too. The next day, Jake and I wake up to find mother in law gone with a text sent to my husband that says she won't be putting her foot in our house ever again for the amount of disrespect I showed her.

Apparently she did get hungry later and went looking for the sandiwch and couldn't find it. Jake was livid that I ate that one too and told me this is my fault and I should go with him to apologize to her. I got angry too and told him why couldn't she have just asked directly instead of going around all these circles in the first place? He ignored me and grabbed his jacket and keys and left.. Am I really in the wrong here?

Talk about a sandwich-sized misunderstanding blown out of proportion! Sarah’s late-night craving ran headfirst into Linda’s unspoken expectations, revealing a classic case of family miscommunication. “Clear communication is the cornerstone of healthy relationships,” says Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, in a Psychology Today article . Linda’s refusal to eat, followed by her expectation of food being saved, reeks of passive-aggressive behavior.

This isn’t just about a sandwich—it’s about boundaries and assumptions. A 2020 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found that 65% of family conflicts stem from unclear expectations. Linda’s vague responses put Sarah in an impossible spot, while Jake’s quick defense of his mother hints at deeper family dynamics. Sarah’s attempt to appease Linda by searching for chili at midnight shows her goodwill, but Linda’s rejection of the takeout sandwich suggests a need for control.

Dr. Gottman advises setting explicit expectations to avoid resentment. Sarah could’ve clarified Linda’s needs upfront, but Linda’s failure to communicate honestly is the real culprit. For readers facing similar family tiffs, try calmly asking, “What would you like me to do next time?” It defuses tension and fosters clarity.

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See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit served up some piping-hot takes, and they’re as juicy as Sarah’s sandwich. Here’s what the community had to say:

MrDannyOcean − NTA, if someone tells you they don't want any, they don't get any. Words mean things.

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Important_Chef_4717 − NTA ~ but I’m so proud of you for accidentally outing this woman’s manipulative behavior. Chaotic good. I just picture everyone in this house sneaking back into the kitchen to eat random food and the next person being so GD sad that it’s gone.

To be clear; you went way above and beyond by trying to replicate the chicken chili sammich the first time. That was far more than required by standards of kindness. You asked and she declined. TWICE. Girl, she’s setting you up at that point, but you literally ate right through her plan. I love it.

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mother_of_mutts_5930 − NTA. I have a suspicion OP would have been in trouble with MIL no matter what she did.

Pepper-90210 − NTA what the holy hell did I just read?? The topper is that your husband thinks you did something wrong???? Forget MIL… You’ve got a husband problem. I can’t believe he was okay with you running around at midnight for his mom.

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Alissor − Let's look past the obvious here.. The fact that you felt the need to make her a sandwich after she refused is weird. The fact that you then went out to try to buy ingredients to make one, despite her telling she doesn't want one is concerning.

The fact that you then had to call your husband to figure out what to do when you didn't find the exact ingredient is deeply troubling.. It all gives the impression that you're almost panically afraid of somehow slighting her.

Jake and his mother feeling after all this the problem is that you didn't do enough is completely insane, and gives us a hint where that fear is coming from. It's obvious there is a much deeper problem there, somewhere. This could be a 'you' issue, but that last part points to the problem not being you, at all. Please google 'cycle of abuse' and assess if you recognize a pattern.. NTA:

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Sweet_Deeznuts − NTA. Your mil is a grown ass woman and capable of making her own food if she’s hungry.

WholeAd2742 − NTA. You offered her some, she said no. You're not required to make and store her a meal like she's a child.

DrunkThrowawayLife − “I’m not hungry now but could you save it for me?”. And that’s all MIL had to say to not have this situation.. NTA

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[Reddit User] − NTA- you aren’t a mind reader. She said she had no interest. MIL also could have said, “hey I’m not hungry now, but if you’re cooking can you make extra for a little later?” And she chose not to.. You have every reason to be confused by MIL AH behavior

concretism − says she won't be putting her foot in our house ever again So you should roll out a red carpet for when she does arrive? Since her words mean the opposite of what she says and it's disrespectful to not anticipate the switch after all!. NTA She is being a petulant child.

These Redditors rallied behind Sarah, but does their outrage match real-world solutions? One thing’s certain: Linda’s mind games didn’t go down as smoothly as that chili sandwich.

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Sarah’s midnight munch turned into a family fiasco, proving that even a sandwich can stir up drama when communication goes stale. She offered food, Linda declined, yet somehow Sarah’s the bad guy for eating what she made. Is Linda’s exit a tantrum or a justified reaction? And what’s with Jake siding against his wife? If you were in Sarah’s shoes, would you have saved a bite or devoured the sandwich too? Spill your thoughts below and let’s dish on this spicy saga!

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