AITA for not kicking out my daughter’s ex boyfriend?

A suburban home became a battleground of hearts and principles when a father’s compassion clashed with his daughter’s heartbreak. Picture a cozy house, a guest room tidied daily, and a polite 18-year-old pitching in with chores—until a breakup turned harmony into chaos. When his 19-year-old daughter demanded her ex-boyfriend be kicked out, the father stood firm, offering the boy refuge in the pool house. His wife’s fury and daughter’s tears raised the stakes: was he right to prioritize a near-stranger’s safety?

This Reddit tale stirs up questions of duty, empathy, and family loyalty. The father’s choice to protect a young man with nowhere to go resonates in a world where kindness often battles personal pain. As the Reddit community weighs in, readers are drawn into a story that’s less about sides and more about the messy beauty of doing what’s right.

‘AITA for not kicking out my daughter’s ex boyfriend?’

I've found myself in a bit of a sticky situation amidst everything going on in the world. My daughter (19) moved back in from college and asked if her high-school boyfriend (18) could move back into the house. His Mother is immunocompromised and also probably abusive (no father in the picture).

Reluctant, but convinced by my wife, I decided to let him sleep in the guest room for the time being. He's been very well behaved, makes his bed every day, is very polite, does chores around the house and tries to pay us back for every little thing.

He even cut my younger son's hair (he worked part-time at a barbershop) and plays sports / hangs out with them. Fast forward four weeks later, and apparently, him and my daughter had a big fight Saturday night and broke up.

I think they've just seen a little too much of each other recently as they've been the only people they've really interacted with and been hanging out at least 10 hours every day. My daughter came to me sobbing and asking me to kick him out of the house because she couldn't stand being cooped up with him because she was heartbroken.

I talked to him about it and he said he doesn't have anywhere else to go (his mother is his only relative locally) and he begged me to not kick him out. To compromise, I told him he could sleep in our pool house, a completely separate building, for the time being.

My wife came to me furious and said it was absurd that I would take a random kids side over my own daughters, to which I responded that I wasn't picking a side. I just feel I have a responsibility to make sure this kid had a stable roof over his head.

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She said my daughter is just crushed to even see him and hear him playing with my son.My view is that she would be looking at pictures/reminded of him even if he was in the house, and there's no real good reason to kick him out. AITA?

Edit to add: I did know the boyfriend's father from my days in high school, and he was a real piece of work. It maybe adds something to why I feel partly responsible for the kid.

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This father’s decision to keep his daughter’s ex in the pool house is a tightrope walk between compassion and family loyalty. The daughter’s heartbreak is real, but the ex’s dire situation—no safe home, an abusive mother—demands empathy. The wife’s anger highlights a classic blended-family tension: whose needs come first?

Dr. Joshua Coleman, a psychologist specializing in family dynamics, writes, “Compassionate acts can strain family ties when boundaries aren’t clear” (Dr. Joshua Coleman). Here, the father’s compromise—moving the ex to the pool house—aims to balance his daughter’s emotional space with the boy’s safety. Studies show 60% of teens in romantic relationships face emotional distress post-breakup, amplifying the daughter’s reaction (Journal of Adolescence). Yet, the ex’s lack of alternatives, especially during a pandemic, justifies the father’s stance.

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The wife’s accusation of “taking sides” misses the point: this isn’t about favoritism but moral responsibility. Still, the daughter’s pain needs addressing—ignoring it risks resentment. A bit of sarcasm: maybe a family meeting could’ve cooled tempers before the pool house became a battleground?

Coleman suggests open dialogue to validate emotions. The father should talk to his daughter, acknowledging her hurt while explaining his ethical stance. Offering her coping strategies, like limiting contact with the ex, could help

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The Reddit squad rolled up with a mix of cheers and caution for this father’s stand. From praising his big heart to warning about family fallout, the comments are a lively blend of support and tough love. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

Nataly1201 − NTA. I just want to say thank you! Thank you for letting that young man stay living with you even though your own daughter asked you to kick him out. Who knows maybe they’ll make up, but you are such a wonderful person for not kicking this guy out over your daughter’s wishes.

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EleriTMLH − NTA. \*BUT\*, many many years ago, I was the 'girlfriend' in a situation much like this, where my boyfriend moved in because he was functionally homeless, hung out with my little sister, was super polite, etc etc...

The longer this goes on, the more likely it is that you (and probably your wife) will start seeing this guy as another family member, maybe even like a son, and that \*will\* hurt your daughter; because now she's forced to be in a familial relationship with someone she didn't want to have a relationship with.

Until the break-up she was basically trying to be a girlfriend \*and\* a daughter at the same time, in the same house, and it got to be too much. It's \*really hard\* for a teenager to try and navigate a romantic (and potentially s**ual) relationship with someone who being treated as an almost-sibling.

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So, my suggestion would be to sit down with your daughter, explain to her that you understand where she's coming from, and why she's upset. \*Acknowledge\* that she's pissed off, hurt and heartbroken, and that those are perfectly \*normal\* things to be right now. We're in the middle of a pandemic, everyone's frayed at the edges.

Let her know that, as a compassionate human being, you wouldn't feel right kicking this guy out, but her well being is important to you, too... so what small steps can she think of that would help her feel better? What would give her the distance to help her heart heal?

Help her ease it down from the huge OMG HE MUST MOVE OUT YOU'RE TAKING HIS SIDE crisis, to 'Ok, I have to see this guy semi regularly, and he's still hanging out with my sibling, how do I cope?' Whatever you do, though, please don't act like nothing negative happened between them, and that their relationship was irrelevant to or secondary to his status within your family.

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MGDarion − NTA. It’s a tough situation for everyone but...your daughter got you to give him a place to stay when he was in a tough spot. This is a consequence of that. Kicking him out with nowhere to go but to an immunocompromised and abusive woman would be horribly irresponsible.

The situation sucks, but you struck a fair compromise. As long as he wasn’t physically violent towards it manipulative of your daughter, she needs to set her emotional hurt aside and remember her ex is human and in a tough spot, too.

MinkMartenReception − INFO Have you asked your daughter what they were fighting about? That makes a huge difference here.

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Chimom315 − NTA. You agreed to take him in. You’re somewhat responsible for him at this point. Yes, your daughter is upset, but you came up with an acceptable compromise.

The kid has been a well-behaved house guest and hasn’t really done anything wrong. It’s unfortunate that they broke up, but this is a matter of safety. He doesn’t have anywhere else to go and it doesn’t sound like staying in a hotel would be an option.

sharkbuddie − Normally...maybe Y T A. But things are so crazy right now and I really, really admire your willingness to put his well-being first. NTA. You’re nothing doing it to hurt her and I’m sure you’re right about them just seeing too much of each other. Good on you

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Minalexiss − NTA. Your wife and daughter certianly are though. they begged for him to be allowed to live there. Now they have to deal eith the consenquences of their actions. Which is him living there. I know your daughter is all upset at the break up but it happened and you have committed to giving this young man a home.

had the been renting a place together and broken up she would not have just been able to kick him out. Its the same here. I would talk to him about what happened and why they broke up so you can get a better undersranding of what is going on and maybe offer to help him find a job and place to live when all the C19 stuff is done with.

[Reddit User] − Info: Why did they break up?

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hugepurplehippo − NTA ***unless*** he hurt your kid or makes her feel unsafe because of threats etc. Please make sure it's just a basic relationship not working out thing, and not something like s**ual abuse of gaslighting.

nuke-bear − YNTA... your daughter might be. Depends on what the fight was about. What did the young man do that was so awful she wants him kicked out? If it wasn't at that level this may be a great time to teach a lesson about love, commitment. This sounds like a situation of your daughter making an adult decision to live with someone and at the first sign of trouble bailing on him.

If that is the case your daughter needs a lesson in life. Relationships and people are not something that you throw away for just any old reason. She obviously cared about him at some point and if he didn't do anything seriously wrong... she needs to grow up and learn to cope.

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These Redditors mostly back the father’s call, applauding his compassion while urging him to check on his daughter’s feelings. Some wonder about the breakup’s details, others see a lesson in empathy. But do these hot takes capture the whole picture, or are they just stirring the pot?

This tale of a father sheltering his daughter’s ex while navigating family fallout shines a light on the delicate dance of compassion and loyalty. His pool house compromise is a bold move, but was it enough to soothe his daughter’s broken heart? Reddit leans toward “NTA,” yet the real world demands more than upvotes to mend fences. What would you do if you had to choose between a family member’s pain and a stranger’s safety? Share your thoughts below!

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