AITA for not inviting our stepbrother on a brothers trip?

In a cozy family dining room, the clink of plates and warm laughter filled the air, until a single moment turned the mood bittersweet. Three brothers shared stories of their annual getaway, a tradition born from their father’s health struggles, while their stepbrother sat quietly, his absence from the trip casting a subtle shadow. For years, old wounds and clashing personalities had built walls between them, but his sudden vulnerability at the dinner table stirred unexpected guilt. Can family ties mend when past hurts linger?

This tale of fractured sibling bonds unfolds with raw emotion, as one man grapples with his stepbrother’s exclusion. The Reddit post, brimming with family tension, invites readers into a relatable dilemma: balancing personal boundaries with the pull of reconciliation. Let’s dive into the story and explore the messy, human side of family dynamics.

‘AITA for not inviting our stepbrother on a brothers trip?’

I(28M), my brother(26) and our half-brother (20) used to go on an annual trip with our dad. Since my dad had a serious health complication 3 years ago, it turned into a brothers trip. We used to invite SB years ago but he never wanted to go. Stepbrother (28) is our youngest brother's half-brother.

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We do not get along at all. Our dad married his mom when I was 8. My mother had been dead for 6 years by then. But his parents have been divorced for 4 years. His dad was very wealthy and determined to drive a wedge between us.

There was also a good dose of parental alienation, but since mom (Stepmom) and dad couldn't afford to fight him in court, they did their best to keep the peace. He refused to be respectful towards my dad, rubbed his expensive toys in our faces (which now seems not a big deal, but then was very hurtful)....etc.

I guess the point where we completely wrote him off was when we were 16, he had a car and never allowed us in it. It was raining heavily and he refused to drive us to school. Then he drove by us while we were walking and kept insulting dad.

For our youngest brother, SB hated him the moment he was born, used to bully him if we didn't keep an eye on him. There was an incident that ended with the youngest needing medical help. And he hated his older brother since then. A couple of years ago SB came out as gay, his father disowned him.

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Mom and dad did the decent thing and supported him, we also said that we accepted him but that was that. Last week we went on our trip as usual, then last Sunday we were having a family dinner and SB was there. We showed our parents the photos we took and shared some stories. SB excused himself halfway through but we thought nothing of it.

Later mom told us that he broke down in the kitchen, saying that he felt excluded and wished we had invited him. I just hummed, but the youngest told mom point blank that it was a trip for us brothers, he didn't qualify. She didn't insist or anything but she seemed down.. Now I am feeling a bit guilty. AITA?

Family rifts, like the one in this story, often feel like navigating a minefield of old grudges and new hopes. The OP and his brothers face a stepbrother whose past actions—bullying, disrespect, and flaunting wealth—left deep scars, particularly on their youngest sibling. Yet, his recent vulnerability suggests a desire to reconnect, complicated by years of distance.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned family therapist, notes, “Rebuilding trust in families requires consistent, small acts of vulnerability and accountability” . The stepbrother’s tears signal a potential shift, but his lack of explicit apologies or efforts to mend ties leaves the brothers hesitant. Their decision to exclude him stems from protecting their bond, especially for the youngest, who endured physical harm. This reflects a broader issue: how do families heal when trust has been shattered?

Statistics show that 40% of blended families face significant conflict due to differing loyalties and past traumas . The OP’s stepbrother, shaped by parental alienation and his father’s wealth, may have acted out as a child, but those actions have lasting consequences. His recent disownment adds complexity, as the brothers grapple with empathy versus self-preservation.

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For the OP, a path forward could involve a candid conversation, setting clear expectations for accountability. Dr. Gottman suggests “turning toward” family members with empathy, but only when mutual respect is established. The brothers might consider small gestures, like inviting the stepbrother for a coffee, to test his sincerity. Reconciliation requires effort from all sides, and the brothers are not obligated to rush forgiveness.

Check out how the community responded:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade for the OP’s dilemma. Their takes range from fiery defenses of the brothers’ boundaries to cautious nudges toward giving the stepbrother a chance. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

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Aylauria − NTA. SB has not been a good brother to you, and was actively harmful to your youngest bro. You can't just erase the past by not acknowledging it. If he wants a relationship with any of you, he's going to have to make amends for the way he's treated you.

[Reddit User] − NTA, why would you bring your youngest brother’s abuser on a trip with you guys??

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allthecactifindahome − NTA. He can't expect to be forgiven and included without having to do the work of proving that he's changed, and even then it's not really up to him. That being said, it doesn't sound like he put any of that on you, it was somebody's mom, not sure whose since I had some trouble keeping the family relationships straight.

TumbleWeedPasses − NTA. But I would've worded it differently to her. It's not that he doesn't qualify because he's a step brother, he doesn't qualify because he made childhood miserable and now his rich fathers' wallet is out the picture suddenly wants to be involved after making no prior attempts to build bridges with you two

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HalfBear-HalfCat − NTA. He earned his alienation. If it truly made him that sad, maybe he has changed. Completely up to you if you wanted to give him another shot or I guess most up to the half brother. Not an AH if you don't though.

SaboraHoku − NTA. People are totally capable of change, but part of real and true change is admitting your wrongs, apologizing for them, and showing that you really are doing better. If he is unwilling to do those things he does not deserve forgiveness, much less consideration.

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Low_Monitor5455 − NTA. You reap what you sow.

FaceFootFart − I think more info is needed. What have his efforts been toward the family since your parents began helping him and his father disowned him? What has the relationship been and has he made an effort to make amends for everything that happened? It’s terrible that his father has done this to him and it’s nice of your family to embrace him. But there has to be a give and take.

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Phoenix101982 − I am probably going to get downvoted for this but no you are not. He turned it down in the past so I can understand why you didn't invite him just based on that (you also listed some other reasons) maybe one or all 3 of you can talk to SB and explain he never seemed to want to go before which is why he was not invited.

Erythronne − NTA. If he wants to be accepted he should initiate the apology conversation.

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These Redditors rallied behind the OP, emphasizing that past pain doesn’t vanish with a single tearful moment. Some saw the stepbrother’s exclusion as fair, while others wondered if he’s genuinely changed. But do these hot takes capture the full picture, or are they just stoking the family drama?

This story reminds us that family ties are as fragile as they are resilient, shaped by years of choices and chances. The OP’s guilt hints at a door slightly ajar for healing, but trust must be earned, not assumed. For now, the brothers’ trip remains a sacred space for their bond, but the stepbrother’s tears might signal a new chapter—if all parties are willing to write it. What would you do if you were in the OP’s shoes, balancing old wounds with new possibilities? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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