AITA for not inviting my SIL to our monthly sister’s lunch?

Picture a vibrant Saturday lunch, where five sisters and sisters-in-law gather to savor new restaurants and each other’s company, only for one guest to turn the table into her personal Instagram stage. This is the drama a family faced when their new sister-in-law’s social media obsession and picky eating soured their monthly tradition. Tired of her antics, they skipped inviting her to the latest lunch, sparking a fiery group chat clash. Were they wrong to exclude her, or was her behavior the real party crasher? Let’s dish on this Reddit saga.

In a chic eatery filled with laughter and clinking glasses, the sisters’ bond is tested by a selfie-snapping, menu-tweaking SIL. Her refusal to engage without a filter and her public tantrums over food push the group to draw a line. This tale of family, boundaries, and burgers asks: when does inclusion become indulgence, and how do you handle a disruptive in-law?

‘AITA for not inviting my SIL to our monthly sister’s lunch?’

My sisters and SIL's (6 of us total) have a monthly lunch that we have been doing for the last five years. We each take turns picking a new place for us to try and we make a fun day of shopping/dining and just generally having fun and spending time with each other. My brother married his wife two years ago, and while she is a nice person, she is very difficult to be around.

She is really big into social media, so most of the time when she is hanging out with us, she is taking pictures or selfies to post to social media. Quite frankly, she spends more time on her phone than she does socializing and it is extremely frustrating and annoying.

If we want to take a group photo, we are not allowed to post to our own social media accounts, because she will get upset about it. She is also a notoriously picky eater. She has no food allergies or intolerances (we asked because we wanted to make sure if she did we could choose our food/activities accordingly), she said that she just doesn't like to eat those foods.

Because of this, she constantly makes substitutions to her food. The last time we went out, she got the mushroom swiss burger, but asked for no onions. The waitress explained that the onions were caramelized with the mushrooms, and could not be taken out. She got upset and demanded that they make new fresh mushrooms for her with no onions.

When the manager said they could not do this, she told them about her social media following and that she was putting them on blast. It was extremely embarrassing and uncalled for, and when confronted, she just said that if people want to be in business they should cater to their customers.

She is the one who picked this burger place, so that made this entire situation even more frustrating! After this lunch, my sisters and my other SIL's decided that we would not invite her along to the next lunch. We were all tired of having to be social media ready at all times, tired of her constant complaining about every restaurant we go to (including ones that she chooses).

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So last weekend when we had our monthly get together, we did not invite her. When her and my brother found out that we went without her, they were extremely angry with all of us and called us out in our group chat for being stuck up b\*\*\*\*es. We explained our reasons for not inviting her, and my brother said that we were all just jealous and petty.

My other sisters husbands and my other brother agrees with us that excluding her was the right thing to do, but we should have told her first that she wasn't invited. My mom thinks that we are all being rude and unwelcoming to our new family member and should invite her to our outings.. AITA for not inviting her to our monthly lunch?

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This sisters’ lunch saga is a classic clash of group dynamics and personal boundaries. The SIL’s social media fixation and demanding behavior—like berating restaurant staff over mushrooms—turned a fun tradition into a chore. Excluding her was a bid to reclaim the group’s joy, but the silent snub, without prior discussion, lit a fuse of resentment, especially with her and her husband’s fiery response.

The SIL’s actions scream attention-seeking, from curating every moment for likes to controlling group photos. Her restaurant outbursts, especially at a place she picked, show a lack of self-awareness that grates on the group. The sisters’ decision to exclude her reflects a need to protect their space, but skipping a direct conversation first may have escalated the drama unnecessarily.

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Family integration can strain group traditions. A 2023 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 48% of family gatherings face tension when new members disrupt established norms (Source). The SIL’s behavior, especially her rudeness to service staff, crosses a line that justifies boundaries.

Relationship coach Susan Winter advises, “Clear communication about expectations can prevent family fallouts” (Source). The sisters should have addressed the SIL’s behavior before excluding her, setting rules like no phones or no menu demands. Now, a candid talk—perhaps with a neutral family member present—could clarify the group’s needs while offering her a chance to adjust.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit served up a feast of opinions, heavy on support with a sprinkle of strategy. Here’s the spread:

Otherwise-Table1935 − NTA while nice to invite her, she obviously burned that bridge with her horrible behavior

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VPR2012 − NTA - just because you are now family doesn't mean you have to all be friends. You are allowed to only spend time with those people that YOU want to spend time with, if it's not her, well then it's not her. And if she's now been told the reason why she wasn't invited, she can make an effort to change and if she doesn't well that's on her.

Techsupportvictim − NTA. She was rude etc so she kicked herself out IF (and I’m not saying you should) you invite her again, be clear to her that there’s a new “zero phones” rule. No photos, no social media etc. also just flat tell her where you’re going for lunch, that there’s a “no being choosy and demanding with the staff” and if she doesn’t like that or the place not to attend

GoodIntelligent2867 − Nta... wow she sure is a character. Like no one else has the permission to post on social media before she does....lol

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[Reddit User] − NTA if you have and she didn’t change. Cause she sounds insufferable. I wouldn’t be able to do it

[Reddit User] − As per your edit, I'd say NTA. If you genuinely talked to her about it before hand and it didn't stop, not much else you could do.

UnicornMinion − NTA I firmly believe that just because someone is family they're not automatically entitled to be a part of your life. Would you be friends with her if she wasn't married to your brother? No? Then you do not have to friends with her because she is married to your brother.

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I think it's nice that you tried, sounds like you guys gave her a lot of chances to better herself and she hasn't. Sure there are solutions to some of her problems, but being rude to wait staff is a hard no for me, and not something that you can change, control or compromise on.

Personally, I try not to associate with people who are rude to people just trying to do their jobs. That's the final straw for me, and the only reason I would need to exclude her from these monthly lunches.

LeahDee − If you are all just jealous, petty bitches then why does she mind so much being excluded. Also, invite your mother so she can see the behavior first-hand.

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RoyallyOakie − NTA, but I think you've dropped a long-term drama bomb here.

Novel_Ad_7318 − INFO: Have you talked to her about the issues before kicking her out of the group or did you just never say anything?

These takes dish out validation, but some question the silent approach. Do they nail the recipe for handling this drama, or is there a better way to season the conversation?

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This lunch exclusion stirs up the delicate balance of family inclusion and personal peace. The SIL’s social media stunts and picky tantrums pushed the sisters to protect their tradition, but a heads-up might have softened the blow. Family doesn’t mean tolerating toxicity, but communication is key. How would you handle a relative who turns every outing into a spectacle? Share your thoughts below!

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