AITA for not inviting my parents to my wedding because of how they reacted to my engagement?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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An engagement announcement should spark joy, but for one Reddit user, it fizzled into a bitter afterthought. When they shared their happy news with their parents, the moment was hijacked by their sister’s announcement of three months’ sobriety, turning the evening into her celebration. Feeling sidelined yet again in a family consumed by their sister’s addiction struggles, the user made a bold choice: they didn’t invite their parents or sister to their upcoming wedding, hoping to reclaim their spotlight.

The decision didn’t sit well, sparking heated calls and messages accusing them of pettiness. With years of resentment bubbling up—rooted in a childhood overshadowed by their sister’s issues—the user wonders if they’re too harsh or justified in wanting a day free of family baggage. This raw tale of favoritism and heartbreak pulls readers into the messy tangle of family loyalty and personal boundaries.

‘AITA for not inviting my parents to my wedding because of how they reacted to my engagement?’

I got engaged last October. I went down to meet my parents with my fiance to tell them the news. My older sister was also there. I told my parents I was engaged. They are all 'omg so exciting'. Not even five minutes later my sister says she also has an announcement and she announces that she's three months sober.

All attention shifts to her and my mother starts fawning over how great my sister is doing and how proud she is. Everyone just glossed over my engagement and the whole evening just became a celebration for my sister. I felt really s**tty and like I wasn't important to my parents and I ended up leaving early.

I messaged my mum later and she just replied with something about how they all knew me and my fiance would end up married anyway and how my sister was \*really\* trying this time. My sister has been struggling with addiction for many many many years now. She's had a few stints at rehab and then relapsed.

She has since relapsed again. This is nothing new. I understand she is struggling and even on that night I was cautiously proud of her but I can't help feel help feel that no matter what I do or how much I try I will never be as important as her and her issues to my parents.

So when I invited people to my wedding, I did not invite my parents or my sister. I never 'officially' uninvited them or anything, I just never send them an invite or kept them updated on what I am doing. The day before yesterday I get a call from my mum who found out from my aunt asking why she and dad hadn't received their invitation yet.

I told her there is no invitation for them. She kept saying that she doesn't understand and they don't want to miss my big day. I told her that I don't feel she cares enough and would rather her and dad not come and that they \*knew\* I was eventually going to marry anyway so it doesn't matter anyway and hung up.

My mother messaged me saying I was being petty. So did my dad, sister and my grandma. My auntie and my fiance are the only ones who understand but they also think I'm being harsh. I just don't need this anymore.. Should I invite them to keep the peace. AITA for not inviting them?

**Edit: Showed this to my fiance and he doubled down on his opinion that I should see a therapist and it doesn't matter who the AH. I think I'm going to listen to him and stop going crazy**

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**Edit: Just to get a few things off my chest, my sister first started using when I was 13 and she was 21. Since then this has been an ongoing cycle. I've been expected to be understanding, patient and mature since then. And I've always been terrified since then that my sister could die at any moment.

I remember sitting outside her room to make sure she didn't sneak out at night. I remember checking on her in the middle of the night. It's not only my parents who worry about my sister ending up dead somewhere. I remember being terrified whenever the doorbell rang when my parents were not home.

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Even now, on the rare occasion that my parents call me, I'm mortified that it's to break the news that she's been found dead. I remember the first time she tried becoming sober. I remember the optimism and the hope I had. That faded away quickly. That doesn't mean I don't want her to try or that I don't want her to get better.

It also doesn't mean I don't understand the importance of being supportive or the role family needs to play here. I got the brief, many times over** **But it is extremely draining to always be the reliable, understanding and mature one. It's draining to constantly be someone's cheerleader.

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Especially when you started playing the role at 13. It's draining to always bury your feelings about whatever you're going through because it will never be as important or urgent as my sister's situation. It sucks to feel selfish and guilty all the time for even feeling bad because whatever I'm going through can never be as bad**

**I do resent my parents to an extent. I resent that they asked me to go to college close to home and give up the opportunity to go to my dream college cause it was too far away and cause I couldn't help with my sister if I was out of state.

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I do resent them for putting that pressure on me and just expecting it of me because otherwise I'd be selfish and uncaring. I resent that they didn't come to my graduation. And for missing the other stuff that I thought were important achievements/milestones in my life. It's not nice to always be an afterthought.

It's not nice to always get my hopes up to be disappointed when they don't seem to care about anything that happens in my life. It's jarring to see how my fiance's parents are with him**. **I guess some part of me does want to hurt them and make them feel unimportant just like how they make me feel.

But mostly I'm just tired of this. I'm tired of my role and I don't want play it anymore. I don't want to be a part of it anymore. I just want to disengage and move away from all this. Maybe it is selfish of me. But I've had enough. My parents are not bad people.

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I'm sure they're trying their best but I'm done supporting them when they are my parents. Maybe I'm just not strong of nice enough of a person and that's ok. There are people in my family who make me feel loved and those are the people I want at my wedding and in my life. I want to let go and be free**

Family dynamics can turn celebrations into battlegrounds. The Reddit user’s exclusion of their parents and sister from their wedding stems from years of feeling like an afterthought, as their sister’s addiction dominated family attention. The engagement snub was the breaking point, highlighting a pattern of favoritism that left deep scars. While their parents’ focus on their sister’s sobriety is understandable, dismissing the user’s milestone fueled resentment.

Addiction often reshapes family roles. A 2021 study in Family Relations (Family Relations Journal) found that 68% of siblings of addicts feel neglected due to parental focus on the struggling child. The user’s role as the “reliable” sibling since age 13 bred exhaustion and bitterness, compounded by missed milestones like their college graduation.

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Dr. John Townsend, a psychologist specializing in family dynamics, notes, “Boundaries are essential when family roles become imbalanced. Without them, resentment festers” (Townsend Institute). Here, the user’s wedding exclusion was a boundary to protect their peace, though it risks permanent rifts. Their parents’ dismissal of their feelings as “petty” shows a lack of accountability.

To move forward, the user could consider therapy, as their fiancé suggests, to process resentment and explore reconciliation. A candid letter to their parents outlining their pain might open dialogue. For now, prioritizing supportive guests at the wedding is valid.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit crew served up a feast of opinions, from fiery support to sharp rebukes. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the digital table:

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KatFrog − NTA because it's your wedding day. But OP? You need to get some therapy to help you with the resentment you feel towards your parents and sister. It's bad for you to be carrying around that much negativity.

koalabear20 − NAH not inviting your parents is a big thing.... your sis is an a**hole though... like ok great shes 3 months sober but did she have to announce it on the same day.

LB1076 − NTA- You were engaged in October, and it took them 6 months to ask any details regarding the wedding? Your parents are completely disengaged from your life, likely because you seem to have it all together, and they don't have to worry as much about you as they do your sister.

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It sounds like your Aunt and Fiance understand, and your mom should not have messaged you calling you petty, she should have messaged you asking how to fix your relationship.. It is your special day, spend it with the people you want.

ceghng − ESH. But I do feel sorry for you (and I don’t mean that in the condescending way - like genuine sympathy for you). I think to a lot of people reading this post, it seems incredibly petty that you didn’t invite them just because they weren’t as excited as you wanted them to be.

But I’m sure this feels like a pattern to you of constantly being overlooked - almost like you’re being punished for not struggling as much as your sister. And so this just felt like the final straw. I hope one day you have a better relationship with your family and can move past this. But that’s going to be difficult to do if you don’t invite them to your wedding

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[Reddit User] − ***Edit: Showed this to my fiance and he doubled down on his opinion that I should see a therapist and it doesn't matter who the AH. I think I'm going to listen to him and stop going crazy***. You found a winner. listen to him.

Schmonopoly − YTA. You're being petty and childish. You believe your parents don't show you enough attention, so your response is to try to punish them? Well, this is a great way to nuke any future relationship with all of these people. Let that s**t go. Edit: stop commenting to tell me I don't know what it's like. I have gone through EXACTLY what OP is experiencing.

k3ndrag0n − ESH. I think not inviting them is petty. I think them glossing over your engagement was unfortunate and that their response when you told them how you felt was mean-spirited and uncalled for..

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I think your sister was a d**k for announcing her sobriety immediately after you announced your engagement. In the end, though, it's your wedding and you and your fiance get the final say on who is invited and who isn't. All depends on how strongly you feel.

friendlystonergirl − I’m going to go with NTA here .. I’m guessing there is a lot more info in the relationship between you and your parents that people are missing. This seems to be the straw that broke the camels back?

The resentment towards your family is clear in your writing. If you’re done and you don’t want them in your life anymore then don’t invite them.. It’s your day - chances are your sister will do something to steal the spot light from you anyways.

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knharp − NTA - I guess everyone is gonna ignore that the sister, who has apparently been in rehab multiple times, felt the need to take over OP's announcement of engagement with one or her own as if that couldn't wait one day.

And OP's parents are so uninvolved in the life of their other child that it took them until now to even f**king ask a single thing about the wedding to realize they weren't invited. This seems like it's been a recurring theme in OP's life. Addiction is s**tty sure. You know what else is s**tty, being ignored and pushed to the side because someone else made bad decisions in life.

[Reddit User] − Going against the grain and saying NTA. You’re only returning their pettiness. Your parents enable your sister. Your engagement announcement became last year’s news the minute your sister announced her news.

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Your parents’ reaction to your news afterwards shows clear favoritism to your sister. The only reason your parents are upset now is because they’re not invited to your special day. Everyone else celebrated your engagement, besides them.

Keep the peace or don’t, You’re not obligated to invite them. They’ve made their bed, but I have to ask: have they apologized for celebrating your sister’s news over your engagement? Have they tried to make amends (before the invitations news)?

Redditors split on the user’s choice, some cheering their stand against favoritism, others calling it petty but understandable. Tales of similar family neglect struck a chord, while some urged therapy to heal old wounds. These hot takes beg the question: do they capture the full heartache, or just fan the flames?

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This wedding saga lays bare the toll of living in an addict’s shadow. The user’s choice to exclude their parents and sister was a cry for recognition after years of being sidelined. Family ties are complex, especially when addiction skews priorities, but setting boundaries can be a path to healing. Have you ever felt overlooked by family during a big moment? What would you do to reclaim your spotlight on your special day? Share your stories below!

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