AITA for not inviting my friend’s boyfriend on a group holiday because he makes it obvious he hates me?
A woman is planning a group holiday at her dad’s vacation home with seven friends, but she deliberately didn’t invite one friend’s boyfriend because he’s been blatantly rude and hostile toward her for over a year — rolling his eyes, giving monosyllabic answers, and avoiding her completely. Despite her efforts to be friendly, he shows no basic courtesy. She told her friend Kara that her boyfriend Alex isn’t invited, offering a neutral (expensive) location as an alternative if they insist on including him.
Kara is furious, calling her a tyrant and saying it disrespects their relationship. Now Kara is complaining to the group and threatening not to come. Is she the asshole for protecting her own comfort in her family’s home?
‘AITA for not inviting my friend’s boyfriend on a group holiday because he makes it obvious he hates me?’
The group is planning a trip to OP’s dad’s holiday home:
Alex has been rude since they met:
The decision and fallout:
Hosting people in your personal or family space is a privilege, not an obligation — especially when someone has consistently shown disrespect. The boyfriend’s behavior (eye-rolling, avoidance, rudeness) is passive-aggressive hostility, and OP is not required to tolerate it for ten days in her own home. Setting boundaries in shared social plans is healthy, particularly when the venue is OP’s family property.
Friendships don’t entitle partners automatic inclusion, especially when the partner is antagonistic. Kara’s reaction — escalating to the group and using guilt (“disrespecting our relationship”) — is manipulative. The compromise of a neutral location is fair, even if costly.
According to relationship therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab, “You don’t owe anyone access to your home or your time if they treat you poorly. Boundaries are about self-respect, not punishment.” (Source: her work on boundaries in friendships and group dynamics.)
OP should stand firm: this is her family home, her invitation, and her comfort. If Kara chooses not to come, that’s her decision — but blaming OP for protecting her own peace is unfair. The group should respect the host’s rules.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
The Reddit community overwhelmingly supported OP (NTA), agreeing she has every right to exclude someone who’s rude in her own home.
Most praised her for setting boundaries and criticized Kara and Alex for entitlement:
This story is a classic case of boundaries vs. entitlement in friendships. OP isn’t obligated to host someone who treats her poorly in her own family home — especially for ten days. Kara’s defense of her boyfriend’s rudeness and attempt to rally the group is unfair. The offer of a neutral location shows OP tried to compromise.
Standing firm protects her peace and sets a healthy precedent. What do you think? Was she right to exclude him, or should she have invited him anyway? Have you ever dealt with a rude +1 in a group trip? Share your thoughts below!
