AITA for not inviting my brother to my wedding?

In a quaint out-of-state venue, where fairy lights twinkled and love filled the air, Anna (let’s call her that) planned her dream wedding. But one name was missing from the guest list: her estranged brother, a figure from a childhood marked by distance and favoritism. His sudden marriage without inviting Anna or their mother left scars, and Anna chose to protect her joy by excluding him.

Years of spotty contact and broken promises shaped Anna’s decision, yet her brother’s hurt feelings, voiced through their mother, stirred guilt and family tension. This Reddit story dives into the messy world of sibling estrangement, asking: can you close the door on family for your big day?

‘AITA for not inviting my brother to my wedding?’

So let me start by saying my brother and I were never close, even growing up. There is a 6 year difference and his weekends were usually with his dad and weekdays full of his sports so we didnt spend much time together. Add in behavioral problems that made him unashamed to state growing up that he was the favorite with our mom (kind of true, but even I recognized he was also a lot needier and demanded attention),

acting out without as much punishment as I would have gotten, and showing off all the presents every occasion he got from his dad's side (all I had was mom who was on the poorer side) and I didn't like being around him much. He moved in with his dad at 14 and basically went radio silence until 20 when he reached back out to us apologetically.

Mom and I accepted and started using PTO to see him when he was in town from the Marines. I realized we were last place for his time, but it made my mom happy so I rolled with it. Suddenly he just... didnt show up one time. Didnt respond to us in any way. 3 months later he finally messaged my mom and apologizes, he didnt visit or explain because he GOT MARRIED.

WHILE WE WERE WAITING FOR HIM USING OUR PTO to see him. He and I didnt really talk again after that. When my husband and I got married it was a small out of state affair. My mom insisted I should invite him because he probably wouldnt go anyway, and I even printed the invitation.

I never sent it because I realized I DIDNT want him there or to give him the chance to reject us again. I was tired of giving him power in our non-existent relationship to hurt me. Well, his step mom and I work in the same place that does employee updates every week, my marriage was on there, and she must have recently mentioned it.

He got upset and messaged our mom (never me) saying I was just being petty for not inviting him because he didnt invite us (not his fault he says, he basically eloped) and it was 'things like that that made him not want to spend time with us'. My mom agrees I didnt have to invite him, but I think is pretty hurt 'I put that divide in our family'. AITA?

Family ties can be as tangled as a ball of yarn in a kitten’s paws. Anna’s choice to exclude her brother stemmed from years of feeling sidelined, a valid boundary given his history of neglect. Family therapist Dr. John Gottman, in a 2022 Psychology Today article, notes, “Healthy relationships require mutual effort; one-sided connections erode trust” (source). Anna’s brother’s absence and uninvited marriage signaled disinterest, justifying her decision.

This reflects a broader issue: managing estrangement. A 2021 study by the Journal of Family Psychology found that 27% of adults report estrangement from a sibling, often due to unresolved childhood dynamics (source). Anna’s mother’s hurt highlights the ripple effects, but expecting Anna to bridge the gap alone is unfair. Dr. Gottman suggests open dialogue to heal rifts, but both parties must engage.

Anna could send a calm message, like, “I wanted a wedding with those closest to me; let’s talk if you’re open.” For others, setting clear expectations with family early avoids surprises.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit served up a feast of opinions, from fiery support to blunt advice, with a sprinkle of sympathy for Anna’s mom. Here’s what the community said:

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[Reddit User] - NTA, your brother is a jerk, and it was your wedding. End of story.

Wolfenbro - NTA. Good for you in realizing that you need to stop giving him the power and ability to hurt you. Unfortunately, your mom hasn’t gotten there yet (it’s probably harder for her than for a sibling too). But, it’s not fair for her to blame you for “dividing the family”. Your brother’s done that his entire life

fruitynutcase - NTA ...what family of his? He doesn't really seem how you two feel and only reaches out when it's convenient foe him.. Me me me me. That is your brother.

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Lurkerooni88 - NTA.. I'm sorry your mom feels like she's in the middle. That sucks.. However, if I were you I would consider removing him completely from your life. He sounds spoiled and self-centered. People like that rarely bring anything of substance to a relationship. So far it sounds like he's only brought pain and aggravation.. Good luck.

finndestroyer2 - Your bro sounds like such a a**hole . And your mom should stop choosing his side . I think you were wise not to invite him .

proassassin00 - NTA. You're not family. You just happen to share blood relatives. He's put you dead last his entire life. Don't bother with him and don't give into your mom's yearnings for a happy ending straight out of the movies. He doesn't care about you, so why should you care about him?

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generalstumps - NTA. The divide in your family seems like it's always been there It's YOUR wedding, your special day, YOU choose who you want there & if you don't want to invite your brother because he made no efforts with your life & you have no bond with him, he wasn't even mindful to invite you & your mother to his wedding

bbbrashbash - NTA Man. I would have 0 problems sending him a message. 'Hey, wanted to clear up, you weren't invited to my wedding because we have no relationship, and to be honest I didn't think you'd want to go. Don't use me, and our non relationship as a s**pegoat for your crappy relationship with our mother'. But that's coming from a, not interested in trying to have a relationship perspective.

StrawberryTigerLily - NTA. A relationship is a two way thing - it can't all be you with zero effort from him.

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op3l - NTA. Your wedding, you get to choose who comes. No point inviting some one you don't particularly like.

These Reddit takes are spicier than a family reunion potluck, but do they hit the mark? Was Anna’s snub a power move or self-protection?

Anna’s wedding snub wasn’t about pettiness—it was about shielding her heart from a brother who’d long checked out. His absence from her life, capped by his own secret wedding, drew a clear line. While her mom aches for family unity, Anna’s right to curate her day stands firm. What would you do if an estranged sibling expected an invite? Share your thoughts below and let’s dig into this family drama!

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