AITA for not inviting my best friend on a girls trip?

Picture a group of six young women, buzzing with excitement as they plan their annual December escape—a girls’ trip filled with laughter, dancing, and carefree nights. For years, this tradition has been their sanctuary from the chaos of uni life. But this time, one friend’s new role as a mom throws a wrench into the plans, sparking an awkward rift that’s as prickly as a holiday cactus.

The organizer, a 22-year-old craving one last wild hurrah before the grind of grad school, faces a tough call. Her best friend, tethered to her 14-month-old, wants to bring him along, but the group’s craving a club vibe, not a nursery. When the friend’s sister unleashes a tirade, the question looms: is it selfish to prioritize a child-free getaway?

‘AITA for not inviting my best friend on a girls trip?’

I (22F) and my girls go on a girls trip every December since we all have breaks from Uni. We’re a group of 6 girls and have been doing this since we were 18. We weren’t able to go last year cause of covid. My best friend (21F) has 14 month old son.

Since her son was born, we haven’t had a day alone with her, which I guess is understandable because she is a new mum. We tried to include her in all the plans we had since having her child but noticed she would always ask if we could change what the plan was to accommodate her baby coming too.

This meant the plan was almost always a coffee shop. I genuinely didn’t mind changing all of the plans to be more child friendly, and just assumed she couldn’t get her man or parents to watch her baby for a while.  I called her a few weeks ago to ask if she wanted to come to a club with us and she asked if we could go to a coffee shop instead so she could bring her baby.

I asked if there was no one who could watch her baby (she lives with her husband who works from home, and her in laws), to which she replied that she’ll feel insane mum guilt if she goes to a club and leaves her baby at home. I said I understood but that I really needed a night out, but we could do coffee the next day.

She texted me the following day asking why I had such a big problem having her child around. I was baffled because I’m the one constantly changing plans to accommodate her son, but I asked her to understand me for one night. I really needed a night out and didn’t want to be in a coffee shop. She sounded agitated by my reasoning but left it at that.

Now… the girls trip is coming in a week. I didn’t really tell her about the trip because I knew she couldn’t come alone but she heard it from another friend. She jokingly asked why I didn’t invite her to which I laughed off because I felt so awkward. I told her she was welcome to come as always and I would love to have her there.

I thought the call was an indication that she would come alone. She called the next day to ask if the resort we were going to be staying at was child friendly. I said it wasn’t as we were looking for more of a club atmosphere and that’s what it was. She then said she couldn’t make it then if it wasn’t going to properly accommodate her son in the activities we do.

I said I understand and that I’m sorry. I got a call from her older sister last night calling me all sorts of names because I didn’t want my best friends son to come on the girls trip and that I’m being childish.

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I’m genuinely still in such shock and don’t know how to even type what I’m feeling right now. We haven’t had proper fun together in ages because it’s either we’re too busy caring for my best friends baby, or a few of us were missing because of covid etc.

This is the first time we’ve all been together since we graduated undergrad and started our masters. We’ve been having hectic years and just wanted one carefree holiday.. So, Am I the a**hole for wanting our annual girls trip to actually be a girls trip?

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Edit I tried to hint once that I wanted my birthday a few months ago to be just us but she laughed it off and made a joke about how her and her son are attached by the hip and she couldn’t leave him. She asked if we could minimise how much alcohol there was going to be so she could bring her son.

This girls’ trip drama is a textbook clash of evolving priorities. The organizer’s desire for a carefree, child-free getaway is valid, but so is the new mom’s attachment to her son. Dr. Irene Levine, a friendship expert, notes, “Friendships often shift when major life changes like parenthood occur, requiring open communication to navigate” (The Friendship Blog).

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The organizer has bent over backward, swapping club nights for coffee shops to include her friend. Yet, the friend’s insistence on bringing her son to every outing, including a club-focused resort, ignores the group’s needs. A 2022 Pew Research study found that 60% of young adults value maintaining pre-parenthood friendships but struggle with differing lifestyles (Pew Research). Here, the friend’s “mom guilt” seems to override mutual compromise.

The organizer’s subtle avoidance of inviting her friend was a misstep—directness could’ve softened the blow. Still, her invitation (albeit late) and explanation about the resort’s vibe were reasonable. The sister’s harsh reaction escalates the conflict, painting the organizer as the villain when she’s just craving a break.

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Levine suggests addressing such rifts with empathy: the organizer could propose a separate mom-friendly hangout post-trip. For readers, this underscores the importance of clear boundaries and honest talks in friendships. Plan a coffee date to reconnect, but don’t let guilt dictate your social life.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit brought the heat, dishing out a mix of cheers and jabs. From calling the friend “entitled” to urging therapy for her mom guilt, the comments were a lively group chat of opinions. Here’s the unfiltered scoop:

AngeloPappas − NTA - Her having a child doesn't mean the rest of you all have to change your lifestyle. She made a choice and has to live with that choice. Or she could not act crazy and just let someone else watch her son for an evening.

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Salty_Hedgehog5874 − NTA - she's being super entitled, she had the baby not the rest of you, she doesn't get to kill your youth just because she killed hers.

Fantastic-Sea-9903 − NTA. It goes both ways. You make an effort to accommodate her needs. Does she make one to accommodate yours? Granted she is a mother now so her priority is her child. Did you cut her off when she was pregnant? No.

Did you cut her off after the 3rd time (I assume there's been 3 occasions from the way you describe it) she asked you to change your wants to accommodate her needs? No, you accommodated her. Did you simply not invite her on the holiday? Not by the sounds of it. It sounds like you extended the invitation and she rejected it as it is.

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Its strange that she is so concerned with what you do on your own time. If she cant make it thats not your fault. If she doesn't want to get child care thats not your fault. You're your own person and she is hers. You each have your own life and not all social interactions must overlap.

Why can't you go to the club without her and then meet up with her in the future at a coffee shop also? I'm sure you have been unable to attend certain social events because of personal circumstances. Does that mean every other person going to that event can no longer go? Of course not!

A conscious and repeat effort has been made on your part. You havent shown examples here of selfishness by any means. You get to have your own social life too in the way you want to have it.

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Unit-Healthy − NTA. There's no reason to be awkward or uncomfortable. 'Friend, I know that little Whatever is your whole life now, and he's a great kid and we all like him. But honestly, none of us are interested in having every single thing we do be child friendly. And especially not an expensive trip to a tropical resort. We are all 21 and 22.

We plan to sow some wild oats before we settle down to motherhood in 5 or 10 years, if ever. I hope we can continue to do things with you like coffee shops, but we will also continue to do bars and resorts, too. And tell your older sister to watch her language.'

Badger-of-Horrors − NTA. Drop all the hints. Drop all the subtlety. 'We want a night for adults only. I'm sorry if this isn't possible for you, but we're trying to warn you in advance so you can make accommodations for your son.' Every event doesn't have to be baby friendly. Every event CAN'T be baby friendly, that's not how life works. Encourage her to feel therapy.

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crbryant1972 − NTA. Having a child is difficult. You seem to understand that. She wants to go on a girls trip but bring her child? Yes, I can understand it but this is not the purpose of this trip. It sounds like she needs to find a few friends that can relate better. Hopefully you can still have coffee once a week with her.

heatherlincoln − NTA, it's a GIRLS trip, not a girls & children trip

GreenNMean − NTA. Actually, I’m worried for your friend because she thinks she has to be with her son 24/7. That isn’t healthy, and I don’t understand why her family is okay with it.

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It makes me wonder if they are somehow feeding this situation. Anyway, you are doing no wrong. You’ve been kind in making accommodations but just because her life changed it doesn’t mean you have to change everything to suit her.

AbbreviationsNo7397 − NTA but your friend sure is. She made a choice to have a baby young, and now wants to make sure that all of her friends live as if they too have made this choice? No fun can be had that doesn't include her spawn? NOPE NOPITY NOPE NOPE.

Also: you're MORE THAN ENTITLED to not want to spend time with a literal baby. What this sounds like to me is a spoilt girl who made a choice, and now never wants to feel like she's missing out on anything, so she'll guilt you into thinking YOU'RE the immature one.

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For wanting to do things that are perfectly normal for your age group. She needs to go make some mommy friends and they can all spend time picking half digested cheerio's out of each other's hair and comparing their kids bowel movements or whatever.

ButteryBisquit − NTA - you've been more than accommodating. She needs to work on being comfortable having her alone time away from her baby.

These Redditors rallied behind the organizer’s right to a child-free trip but questioned the friend’s all-or-nothing stance. Are they fanning the flames or nailing the issue?

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This tale of a girls’ trip gone awry highlights the tricky dance of friendship when life paths diverge. The organizer’s quest for a carefree holiday wasn’t about exclusion but reclaiming a slice of youth. It’s a reminder that friendships need flexibility and honesty to thrive. What would you do if a friend’s new life stage clashed with your plans? Share your stories below.

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