AITA for not including my recently divorced exwife on a family trip?

A family vacation should be a time of laughter and bonding, but for one freshly divorced dad, it’s become a battleground of hurt feelings and new beginnings. Just a week after signing divorce papers, he’s packing his bags for a trip with his kids and new girlfriend, leaving his ex-wife reeling. The sting of exclusion hits hard for her, as she pines for the family unity of old. Readers can’t help but wonder: is he moving on too fast, or is she clinging to a past that’s already gone?

The emotional tangle of divorce doesn’t untie easily, especially with kids in the mix. This dad’s choice to prioritize his new relationship over his ex’s feelings has sparked a heated debate. With vivid memories of their 15-year marriage clashing against the reality of new partners, the situation feels like a soap opera unfolding in a cozy family cabin. Let’s dive into his story, explore the Reddit community’s reactions, and see what experts say about navigating this tricky post-divorce terrain.

‘AITA for not including my recently divorced exwife on a family trip?’

10 months ago my wife of 15 years explained to me she had interest in a coworker so I left it up to her to decide whether to open up our marriage. I figured it was just an exploratory phase. Something she would have a change of heart about.

After 5 months of being miserable with her going off with him nearly every weekend I expressed to her I wanted to look for someone else. She replied that it would only push her to the other man. Nonetheless I started seeing someone and after the first day of me seeing someone else, my wife wanted a divorce.

We have officially been divorced for a week. We have 3 kids together. We are also living together for the time being while she and her boyfriend are closing on a house together. Recently our family friend's wife contacted me and invited me and the kids to join her family on a trip.

I planned on taking my girlfriend along with us. I explained to the family friend that if my family were to go on the trip my kid's mother would not be going.They acknowledged and figured that was going to happen. Realistically there is no room for 2 extra people. Personally I have no interest in going on a trip with her and the man she left me for.

She said she was hurt that my girlfriend is going in her place and that she was ousted so soon. She suggested that it could just be me, her and the kids as per usual before our divorce. While our papers were signed a week ago, I am ready to settle into my new normal.. AITA for not including her?

EDIT: My oldest is 14 and has known about basically everything from the beginning. My younger 2 are 9 and 10. Both had suspicion about their mother's relationship with the bf before finding out the gory details. Mine was a tidy secret until that point.

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Once the younger 2 learned the truth they made the decision as to when they met my gf. This has been 2 months today. The conflict for me falls to the other family having been 'our' friends for 14 years. Also the desire for things to remain healthy as possible between my ex and myself for the sake of the kids.

My ex hopes to still do things like this together as 'family ' and in the future maybe we can but right now I don't think I could stomach it. I explained this to my ex and she seems to be heartbroken at the notion. She is crying and I just feel irritated. Kinda makes me feel like an a**hole. This situation is centered around myself and my ex, the kids are actually doing pretty well.

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EDIT 2: I spent 5 months doing everything I could think of to save us. She spent 5 months leaving me at home with the kids. Lie after lie and zero shits given about my feelings. The exact moment I said F it was when she didn't want me to attend her office Christmas party as I have every year for over a decade.

Her reasoning was she didn't want her coworkers to think she was a whore. Sounds to me like she was pushing a narrative that I was no longer in the picture. That was the moment I realized where I stood and that being faithful to her was a waste. My girlfriend walked into my life 3 days later.

The hypocrisy and insanity that followed were truly unbelievable. After her initial immediate demands for divorce she decided that we should 'start' working on our marriage. Step 1 was ditch my girlfriend. Mind you I had known her for a week and had no real ties to her.

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Nothing to say about how she would end her 5 month relationship with a man she works 40hrs a week with and that is centric to her friend group. I may or may not be an a**hole for excluding her from this trip but I'm not asking about the demise of the marriage.

Navigating family trips after a divorce can feel like walking a tightrope over a pit of emotions. This dad’s decision to exclude his ex-wife, while inviting his new girlfriend, highlights the raw tension of redefining family boundaries. His ex’s heartbreak is understandable—she’s grappling with the loss of her role in family traditions. Yet, his need to move forward is equally valid, especially after feeling sidelined during her five-month affair.

The situation reflects a broader issue: co-parenting after infidelity often breeds resentment and blurred lines. According to a 2021 study by the American Psychological Association, 60% of divorced couples struggle with co-parenting boundaries in the first year post-separation (apa.org). The ex-wife’s push for “family” inclusion may stem from guilt or a desire to maintain control, while the dad’s firm stance signals a need for emotional distance.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Rebuilding trust after betrayal requires clear boundaries and mutual respect” (gottman.com). Here, the ex-wife’s expectation to join the trip disregards the dad’s healing process. Her affair set the stage for their divorce, and expecting to slot back into family vacations ignores the emotional fallout. Gottman’s insight suggests the dad’s boundary-setting is a healthy step toward reclaiming his autonomy.

For solutions, both parties could benefit from open communication, perhaps mediated by a family therapist. Setting clear expectations about family events and respecting new relationships can ease tensions. The dad might consider solo trips with the kids to maintain their stability, while the ex-wife could focus on building her own traditions. Neutrality and time are key to smoothing these rough edges.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s hive mind didn’t hold back on this one—think of it as a virtual campfire where everyone’s roasting their opinions with a side of sass. Here are some of the top takes from the community:

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pintopetz − NTA.. She wasn’t technically invited if I’m reading this right.. Also, big yikes at it being okay for her to indulge in your new open marriage but not you?

anarchyshift − NTA. She should have thought of that before deciding to pursue another man. She is not being “ousted” because she’s literally looking to move into a house with her boyfriend. She has a whole new life and seems to be just fine when you aren’t going on a vacation.

Adderadi111 − Your relationship was broken long before you got a divorce. You had the invite, so you decide who you bring along. There's no room for her anyway.. She suggested that it could just be me, her and the kids as per usual before our divorce. You can't divorce and still get the perks of being married to your ex.. NTA - and never let her try this s**t

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Tessa_Kamoda − NTA. your family and you were invited, she's the ex, so doesn't count as a 'real' familymember anymore. and is... not amused... that she is now excluded. girl, this is your price for playing a stupid game!!! she can have an open marriage but when you want the same that's a reason for divorce????? wtf.

btw, ex and bf are living in your house. so, bevore you leave for this trip, collect all important documents, bank stuff, expensive jewelry and put it in a newly rented safe deposit box. and take photos how your house looked. untill now you were very accomodating to her,

but i guess, as soon as you all leave and she is alone with the bf, reality will hit home. and nobody knows what she will do then. edit: a really big **THANK YOU** kind strangers for the awards. i don't know what to say. really, thank you.

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PersephoneSkye1966 − NTA - WOW! She really wants it all doesn't she. In an effort to save your marriage, you attempted having an open marriage, yet when you decided to also see someone, that's not okay and now she wants a divorce.

Now that she's gotten everything she wanted, she is now upset no one is still treating her as though you two were still married. Sometimes divorced parents are able to get to a place where they are able to do family vacations with each parents new significant other,

but not usually while the ink on the divorce papers is still wet. You have every right to go with your girlfriend. Leaving your ex and her new man out is perfectly ok.. I am curious, who has custody of the kids?. Edit: Spelling.

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D13s3ll − NTA. She's not your wife anymore. She wasn't invited. She wanted an open marriage because she liked the idea of getting to sleep around but wanted you to wait at home. Shes an i**ot for buying a house with someone shes not married to.

ca6lypso − INFO: You didn't mention your kids feelings at all. How do they feel about divorce? Do they want your girlfriend there? You said it's a family trip, can't you go alone?

Rexam14 − Let me recap: 1. Your wife tells you she has a romantic interest for someone else and she starts dating him. You are ok with it being an 'exploratory phase'. 2. You tell your wife you are going to do the same. She is not ok with that and fill up for divorce. You acknowledge it and sign the papers.

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Regardless your trip, for which you are clearly NTA, no offense but your wife sounds a little bit like an h**ocrite: she asked for divorce after she had a crush on a colleague. Now she MUST deal with the consequences, like being replaced by your new girlfriend in trips with your friends.

eefr − NTA. She decided to divorce you. She no longer has a right to be included as your partner.

aurora-phi − INFO: how old are you kids? how long have they known your gf? what kind of holiday is this? how long? You're N T A for not inviting your ex but I'm not sure if inviting the gf is a good idea. I've seen your replies to similar concerns and it's all about how much they love your gf but honestly it all seems too clean buddy. In fact this post violates the Interpersonal Conflicts rule 'Make it clear why you may be the a**hole.'

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These Reddit gems range from fiery support to skeptical side-eyes, but do they capture the full picture? Or are they just keyboard warriors tossing out hot takes?

This tale of divorce, new love, and family trips is a rollercoaster of emotions, leaving us wondering where the line between moving on and holding on lies. The dad’s choice to exclude his ex-wife stirred up pain, but it also sparked a conversation about boundaries and healing. What would you do if you were in his shoes—invite the ex for the kids’ sake or stand firm in your new chapter? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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