AITA for not hiring my sons ex girlfriend?

Imagine running a business where every hire counts, only to face a job applicant who’s not just unqualified but also your son’s ex-girlfriend—a cheater who broke his heart. For one father, this wasn’t a hypothetical. When his son’s ex walked into his office seeking a job, her resume was as empty as her promises to his family. He passed on hiring her, citing her lack of experience, but her rude hang-up and his wife’s plea to “give her a chance” stirred second thoughts.

This tale of tangled family ties and professional boundaries dives into the messy clash of personal history and workplace decisions. With the ex’s troubles tugging at heartstrings and her attitude sealing her fate, was the father’s refusal a fair call, or a missed chance to help?

‘AITA for not hiring my sons ex girlfriend?’

Some background: My wife set up our son(23) up with a family friend since they both seemed to like each other. Short story is she cheated and they broke up but now his ex isn’t getting help from her family anymore so she needs a job.

She came into my office for the interview and to be honest I didn’t think about hiring her. Not because of the fallout but she had no experience. She didn’t have anything that would want to make me hire her. (Here’s where I might be the a**hole).I told her we would call her back. We did and I think you know she didn’t get the job.

She answered rudely and said personal problems don’t belong at work. I agree and explained why I didn’t hire her. She hung up. Now my wife is saying that I’m not being considerate and I should give her a chance. Now I do feel she is right since to me its a personal problems but I probably wouldn’t have hired her anyway whether I knew her or not

Hiring decisions are a delicate balance of skills and fit, and this case underscores the pitfalls of mixing personal and professional. The ex-girlfriend’s lack of experience was a valid reason to pass—70% of small business owners prioritize qualifications over personal connections, per a 2023 study (Journal of Business Research). Dr. Amy Edmondson, a leadership expert, notes, “Nepotism or pity hires often backfire, eroding team trust” (Harvard Business Review).

The ex’s rude response—snapping and hanging up—further justified the decision. Such behavior signals poor professionalism, a red flag for 80% of hiring managers, per LinkedIn’s 2024 hiring trends (LinkedIn). The wife’s push to hire her likely stems from empathy or fear of straining family friendships, but it overlooks the ex’s proven dishonesty and the potential awkwardness for the son.

The father’s explanation to the ex was risky, as Redditors noted—HR best practices advise vague rejections to avoid legal backlash, per the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM). Still, his transparency aimed to clarify, not harm. His doubt, sparked by his wife, reflects a human struggle to balance fairness and compassion.

For resolution, the father should stand firm but document the ex’s application and behavior for HR protection. A calm talk with his wife, emphasizing business integrity and their son’s well-being, could align their views. Avoiding future hires with personal baggage will keep his workplace drama-free.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit squad jumped into this hiring drama like it was a boardroom showdown, dishing out support and savvy advice. It’s like a watercooler chat where everyone’s got the boss’s back. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

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gw2kpro − NTA.. She put it perfectly.. 'personal problems don’t belong at work' As she had none of the attributes you were looking for in an employee, hiring her would have been a 'personal' decision.. Likely followed by 'personal problems'.. As evidenced by her HANGING UP on an employer who had turned her down for a job.

[Reddit User] − NTA, but some advice: Giving out information about why you did or did not hire somebody could be a HR risk, and either way, she could potentially retaliate. Keep the file on her, just in case. Keep her resume and a copy of the job posting in order to prove that she did not meet the requirements which you listed for the job

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SpunkyRadcat − NTA - Let's be real the only reason she applied was because she expected you to feel bad and hire her because of the 'personal problems' she caused, and now that that didn't work she's salty. She KNEW she didn't have the experience the second she checked the job listing.. You owe her nothing not personally, not professionally.

gunnyhunty − If she had no experience then why would you be TA? She wasn’t qualified for the job, regardless of the situation with your son. As long as you were professional NTA

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Dont-trust-it − NTA. She has no experience and isn't the right fit for the job so makes perfect sense you not hiring her for the job.

RunningTrisarahtop − NTA because the way she responded showed she wasn’t professional.

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OK_LK − NTA. If there other candidates with experience and better qualified for the job, then they deserve it over her. Also, perspnal problems should be considered. If someone has shown themselves to be dishonest with someone they are meant to hold dear, how could you trust them with your clients and your staff?

Your wife may be worried that the family friends will not remain family friends over this. I think she should worry more about what the impact could be on your son, if he knows you gave his cheating ex a job.

RindaC10 − NTA. She didn't fit the qualifications nor did she have experience. There's no law saying you have to hire someone just because you know them. I hope she doesn't act like that to any other employers who may shoot her down

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DaisyInc − NTA. If her no experience didn't seal her fate, her rude reply to your follow-up call did. If she had been any other candidate, snapping at your future employer and hanging up is an indicator that this candidate doesn't work well with others and will cause friction. Don't embarrass yourself by bringing someone like that onboard your team and having your colleagues think you endorse her antics.

cotsoui − Assuming she didn't have the technical knowhow to be considered for the job NTA.

Redditors cheered the father’s professional call, slamming the ex’s entitlement and warning of HR risks. Some saw her application as a calculated pity play, others urged keeping family out of work. Do these takes nail the issue, or just fuel the office gossip?

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This hiring headache proves personal ties can tangle professional choices. The father’s refusal to hire his son’s unqualified ex was sound, sealed by her unprofessional exit. Reddit’s all-in for his stance, but the wife’s plea raises questions about compassion versus fairness. Have you ever faced a tough call mixing family and work? What would you do in this boss’s shoes? Share your thoughts below!

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