AITA for not hiring my sister to be my wedding planner?

Wedding planning stress became a family feud for a 26-year-old bride after a call with her mom. Buried in grad school and work, she hired a pro wedding planner, unaware her mom wanted her to pick her sister, a novice with a shaky job history. When the bride chose experience over family, her sister, overhearing on speakerphone, exploded, calling her pretentious.

Now, with her mom demanding an apology and hiring, the bride’s big day is clouded by drama. This Reddit tale probes loyalty versus practicality in wedding choices. Was she wrong to prioritize a smooth event? Let’s dive in.

‘AITA for not hiring my sister to be my wedding planner?’

I ,26f, am getting married to fiancé, 27m, on June 24 of next year. We have done a few things on planning it but it’s very stressful and we both work full time, plus I’m in Grad school, so we just don’t have the time. Well I called my mom about 2 weeks ago and mentioned how hard planning a wedding was

and she told me that we should invest in a wedding planner (Duh! I can’t believe we forgot these exist), she also said she could recommend one to us but I told her I’d have to talk with my fiancé about our budget and we’ll see. Then we talked about other stuff and that was pretty much how it went.

Well my fiancé and I have talked with a few wedding planners since that call and found the perfect match for us. She’s been so great and so helpful and I’m so thankful for her. I talked with my mom a few days ago and told her we found a wedding planner and thanked her for her advice.

Well, my mom told me that she was trying to nudge me to hire my sister (29F) as she’s just getting into the wedding planner business and that’s what her recommendation was for. Now I love my sister and think she’s great, but I also know my sister and she’s not great on staying with jobs.

She was not good “taking orders” and quit stable jobs, she started a resin business that didn’t take off and she didn’t want to market for it, she got caught into a pyramid scheme which she barely got out of (my parents paid it off), and the last time I heard (2 months ago) she was trying to be a nail technician.

I told my mom that I love my sister but I want a professional to do my wedding. Well, come to find out that my mom had me on speaker phone and my sister was in the room with her. This lead to my sister grabbing the phone from my mom and telling me I’m a stuck up b-word

and that I’m pretentious I need to get off my high horse and other things. When my mom finally took the phone back (with my sister still yelling) she told me that I was being mean and unfair and that I should give my sister a chance, to which I said no again because her attitude to r**ection just solidified my opinion.

My mom told me I was being judgmental and that she wouldn’t answer my calls until I apologize to my sister and hire her to plan my wedding. My fiancé is obviously on my side but my dad said I should at least apologize, AITA?

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Wedding planning thrives on trust, but family ties can muddy the waters. The bride’s decision to hire a professional over her sister, whose job history includes a failed resin business and a pyramid scheme, was practical. Her sister’s explosive reaction to rejection only deepened doubts.

Dr. Pauline Boss, a family dynamics expert, notes, “Unrealistic expectations from family can strain relationships, especially during high-stakes events like weddings.” A 2023 survey found 45% of couples face family pressure over wedding decisions, often leading to conflict.

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This highlights a broader issue: balancing family support with personal choices. The bride could offer her sister a smaller wedding role, like decor, to show support without risking the event. Honest talks with her mom about trust could mend ties.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit users served up sharp takes and solid support for this wedding drama. Here’s what they said:

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[Reddit User] - NTA. The position was already filled BEFORE the sister 'offered' her services. It would have been better to simply say that, but I don't blame you for (very reasonably) pointing out all the reasons this was a bad idea. If you apologize, do it for you, not them. Do it for a drama free wedding. But know, 100%, that you are NOT to blame.

Bellbell28 - NTA tell your mom to apologize for not disclosing she was on speaker with other people in the room.

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[Reddit User] - NTA.. Your sister doesn't stable or mature enough to plan anything. If she thinks her behaviour is how you run a business, I think she's not going to be planning weddings anytime soon.

RebelScum427 - NTA. I don't believe in hiring friends and family for services unless it's something you truly want. It rarely ends well and if something goes wrong there is always tension because of the personal relationship.

You also stated you didn't even know this was something she was trying to do as last you heard she was trying to be a nail tech so you hired someone else. And you're absolutely right. Her reaction to r**ection is insane. If she gonna talk to family like that then how she gonna talk to clients and vendors when things don't go how she plans?

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Cybermagetx - NTA. Her outburst proves you made the correct decision.. And 98% of the time never do business with family.. Edit to add. Dont apologize and your need to not invite your mom/sister till they do.

gnixfim - NTA. On the plus side if your mom won't talk to you until you apologize and hire your sister as your wedding planner, she (and your sister) won't be meddling in your wedding plans (just take a look at those mother/MIL is trying to take over wedding planning post out there). Looks like you dodged a bullet there.

[Reddit User] - NTA. Tell your sister you wouldn't have been so blunt had you known she was on the phone, but that you wanted a WP with experience. You also need to be able to give instructions to your WP and even to overrule their opinions, and you knew that wouldn't work when the bride & WP are sisters.

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Tell your mother you've spoken to your sister and you would appreciate your mother not taking sides and instead seeking to keep the peace. OP it is typical for parents to get unreasonably pushy in favor of everyone having to help the child who screws up over and over.

These parents also refuse to acknowledge that others have GOOD REASON not to hire (or write a recommendation for or invest in a scheme orchestrated by) the child who has a history of screwups. So, it's not fair for your parents to be pushing your sister's case, but you're not alone! Good luck & congratulations!

Mabelisms - NTA. First, if your mother wanted you to hire your sister she should have just plain said that. Second, you can hire whoever you please, and managing your sister managing your wedding does not sound like it would reduce your stress. Third, playing gotcha by having your sister in the room while you were on speakerphone was a horrible thing to do and I wouldn’t trust your mother ever again.

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maricopa888 - NTA. You're surrounded by them, meaning you're sitting on the non-assholic island all by yourself. Everyone in your family needs a reminder that this wedding is about you and your fiance, and the decisions you make together.

And this doesn't even get into the issues of how your sister has already proven a wedding planning career might not be up her alley. People think it's about pinterest and designing centerpieces, but it involves a lot more than that, including establishing good relationships with vendors, knowing how to read contracts, people skills, etc.

Jaguars02 - NTA I had to go back and reread it 2 months from nail tech to wedding planner.....huh? Maybe compromise and hire her to do nails. That would've been my first response: wedding planner she said she was going for nail tech?

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From slamming the sister’s outburst to calling out the mom’s speakerphone stunt, these comments hit hard. But do they pave a path to peace or just fan the flames?

This story of a bride’s planner choice sparking family fury shows how weddings can test loyalties. Her stand for a stress-free day clashed with her sister’s dreams, leaving ties strained. Could a compromise role for her sister or a candid family talk save the day? What would you do when family demands clash with your big moment? Share your thoughts below—let’s keep this wedding buzz going!

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