AITA for not helping my brother get his kids into the same school as my son?

A mother found herself facing unexpected family drama after refusing a request from her brother that could have serious consequences. Years earlier, she and her husband carefully researched schools for their son and even moved homes to make sure he could attend one that matched their values and priorities.

At the time, her brother openly criticized their choice and mocked the idea of prioritizing anything other than grades. But years later, things changed. His own children began struggling at their school, and suddenly the same school he once dismissed seemed like the perfect option. When he discovered he could not enroll his kids because they lived outside the district, he turned to his sister with a request that quickly put her in a difficult position.

‘AITA for not helping my brother get his kids into the same school as my son?’

The poster described how she and her husband carefully chose their child’s school years ago.

My brother (34m) and I (29f) are not close. We see each other once or twice a year at most despite living 30 minutes from each other. We both have...

So back when my husband and I had our oldest we talked about where we wanted him to go to school. Option A was the school we were zoned to...

Option B was not super popular at the time and was seen as a less than perfect choice by most for being less bothered with grades (according to several reviews)....

They had great teacher reviews from parents of kids going there, kids adored it and their policies were ones we really liked. So we made the choice to move to...

Her brother originally criticized the decision before later changing his mind.

Back then my brother thought we were dumb and talked s__t about the school choices. I remember seeing him that Christmas and him saying it was lazy parenting to not...

Right now he is eating his words and it's the most we've talked in probably 20 years if I'm being honest.

He reached out back in January to say how his kids hated school and how he and his wife were having a hard time with teachers and s__t like that.

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He mentioned trying to get the kids into the same school my son was going to. There was a layer of aggression in everything. Like f__k you for having it...

Eventually, the brother asked to use her address so his children could enroll.

He started texting and telling me this stuff a lot and then in April he told me they got rejected because of the district and he ranted a bit about...

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It was after that point he asked me if he could use my address to enroll the kids there. I told him I would need to think about it. My...

Our reasons were neither of us wanted to deal with seeing and hearing more from him because while everything is emailed, we also get regular snail mail for certain things...

and that would require more contact than either of us wanted with him. I told him it wouldn't work for us and when he asked why, I told him.

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I told him we have never been good and we don't need to keep the conflict up by staying in touch more. My brother is pissed and has been pissed...

I had to block him on WhatsApp (where he was texting and calling me) and I ended up leaving our family group chat because he was airing this stuff there....

And at first everyone was more on my side but now others seem to think it "wouldn't hurt" and that putting the kids first should be the priority of a...

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Family disputes often intensify when parenting decisions intersect with legal or ethical boundaries. In this situation, the poster and her husband made a long-term decision to move homes so their child could attend a specific school. That choice required planning, financial investment, and commitment to living within the required district.

The brother’s request introduces two separate concerns. The first is the family relationship itself, which already appears strained due to years of criticism and conflict. The second is the potential legal risk involved in using a false address to enroll children in a different school district. In many places, providing incorrect residency information for school enrollment can be considered fraud and may carry penalties for those involved.

Supporters of the brother might argue that helping the children access a better school should take priority over family disagreements. Others would point out that there are legitimate ways to pursue that goal, such as moving into the district or exploring alternative schools. Ultimately, situations like this highlight the difficulty of balancing family expectations, legal responsibility, and personal boundaries.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Many users strongly supported the poster’s decision and emphasized the legal risks involved.

cooolcats212020 − NTA. Depending where you are, it’s a crime to say you live at a place so you can enrol your kids in a better school. Even if it...

Gochukaru − NTA. It's true that kids should be primary the concern for parents and family. But your brother and his condescending and abusive behaviour is the roadblock here, not...

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Also, if this is public school in the US this may be residency fraud. I don't know what penalties might be for parties involved, but it's a risk that you...

Your brother's kids have options besides making you commit fraud. He can find another school or he could move into another district. He could also be less of an a__hole...

valerian_spiel − NTA. My daughter attended a famous magnet school in our area, one that requires a rigorous entry exam in addition to living in a qualifying location.

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There have been students caught lying about their home address well after the school year had started and they were still expelled for fraud.

So many kids were trying to get around the address requirement, they had to hire someone fulltime to check throughout the school year.

What it boils down to, is that your brother was asking you to commit fraud. I don't know that it might not jeopardize your son's placement, too, but I certainly...

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Khalessi716 − NTA. So it was fine for him to criticize and mock you when he wasn’t interested in the school but now that he is that somehow is your...

The burden isn’t on you to get help get his kids in this school. Your family has already done what needed to be done to get your kids into it....

Trying to bully you into helping and dragging the rest of your family into it is manipulative and gross behavior. Not to mention in some places it’s illegal to do...

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Secrets_and_pies − NTA. You don’t owe anyone else any explanation, but If you’re in the States, it’s illegal to register for school under a false address. Your family made the...

Other commenters emphasized that the brother had other options instead of pressuring his sister.

Lady-Athena1987 − NTA. Falsifying a residence has serious legal consequences.

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Wingskull − NTA - if your brother loves the school so much, why does he not move like you did?

ScorchieSong − NTA. He made his opinion known and in a way that was dismissive of yours. Now he’s the one caught out and has burned bridges where he could...

A few responses added a slightly humorous or skeptical perspective to the situation.

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dharmachapeau − NTA. I wonder if he’ll just try to use your address anyway, though, assuming that you won’t snitch once it’s done.

[Reddit User] − NTA. This is **fraud** in many municipalities. It’s possible you could **both** be prosecuted, and at the very least it could blow back on you and your...

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Let **him** move into the district if he wants to get his kids into the school, and tell your family they can GFT if they want to get involved.

Family conflicts can quickly escalate when long-standing tensions collide with parenting decisions and legal concerns. In this case, the poster chose to maintain distance from a brother she already had a difficult relationship with, while also avoiding potential risks related to school enrollment rules.

At the same time, the situation raises broader questions about responsibility and family expectations. Should relatives step in to help children access better opportunities, even when it involves bending rules? Or is it reasonable to protect personal boundaries and avoid possible legal consequences? What would you do if a family member asked you for a similar favor?

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