AITA for not having much of a reaction to my daughter coming out and introducing us to her partner?

Charlotte Morse Hours
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Picture a family dinner, hearts racing as a 23-year-old daughter announces she’s gay and introduces her girlfriend. Her mom showers her with hugs and pride, but her dad? He nods, chats with the girlfriend, and moves on, treating it like any other meet-the-partner moment. His wife calls his calm response dismissive, even hinting at homophobia, but he insists love is love, no labels needed. Was his nonreaction cold, or a genuine embrace of equality?

This Reddit tale unravels a delicate dance of acceptance, expectations, and family love. With the daughter’s coming out met with contrasting parental styles, a rift opens over what support should look like. Reddit’s dishing out varied takes, and the dad’s follow-up chat with his daughter adds clarity. Let’s unpack this heartfelt saga with warmth and a sprinkle of humor.

‘AITA for not having much of a reaction to my daughter coming out and introducing us to her partner?’

My daughter is 23 and she requested dinner with us because she had some important to tell us--being my wife and I. She introduced us and came out. My wife was emotional gave her a big hug, and told her how proud she was. I on the other hand did not react to her coming out.

I honestly did not care about that part. I was honest her partner was cool, and she was very interesting. My wife told me I was rude for ignoring our daughter's announcement. I told my wife, that I did not care who she was attracted to all I cared about was if she was happy.

I tried to explain I did not care about that stuff, people like who they like I don't need labels for that. Love is love. She said my view is slightly h**ophobic because it shows I am not acknowledging a different view. I do not see it that way, am I the a**hole should I apologize to my daughter and her partner?

Edit: For added context, I did not treat her situation as any different from her brothers. I took the time to get to know the person they were with. My wife feels I should have treated it differently because they are different situations, ignoring that fact does not help.

Update: Thanks for the input, everyone is right I should have just asked my daughter. I will see if she is free tomorrow for some coffee and have a chat with her. I am sure my wife's words just got to me, but only one way to find out right?. Thanks again..

Update: Since it always bothered me when people would ghost on threads without giving updates. Did not have much time with my daughter she had a prior engagement but we had some coffee. We spoke about the evening, as I suspected she did not have an issue with it,

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and she also felt it was self-explanatory when she introduced her girlfriend--she corrected me since I said partner they view each other as girlfriend and girlfriend. The coming out was more so her girlfriend's idea

and my daughter said she was going to reach out because while she had no issues with my reactions her girlfriend thought it was weird how I kind of brushed off the response and treated this situation as if they were a straight couple.

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My daughter did try to explain that is just the person I am. Explained how she preferred my nonreaction verse making it a big deal. She told the story of how she came to me first when she had her first period because she knew my wife would make a huge fuss over simple biology.

I told her I made an AITA post and we laughed over some of the comments. We are going to arrange another date and this time we will have a more special event for the sake of her girlfriend. Since she did feel slightly offended by being treated as if they were a straight couple.

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My daughter had no issues overall, but I will correct course. She was slightly disappointed I did not make a dad joke about her coming out. I did express that my love for her would never change, and I told her I hoped she did not wait so long because she thought I would think differently.

She just told me I never told you because it was not important to her. She knew I would not care either way. I doubt I will add more updates after this I might check in every so often. I do appreciate all the varied viewpoints,

and please understand it was not my intention to marginalize the hardships LGBTQA+ face in this world, I know it may be a selfish and self-centered view but I simply treat others how I wish and want to be treated.. I do hope everyone has a wonderful week.

A parent’s reaction to a child’s coming out can shape their bond, and this dad’s understated response—equal to his sons’ partner intros—aimed for fairness but missed the mark for his daughter’s girlfriend. His wife’s emotional embrace set a high bar, making his neutrality feel like indifference. Family therapist Dr. Lisa Damour notes, “Coming out is a milestone; acknowledging its weight validates the courage it takes”. His intent was inclusive, but context matters.

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This reflects broader challenges in supporting LGBTQ+ youth. A 2021 study in Journal of Family Psychology found 63% of queer young adults value parental acknowledgment of their identity, even if acceptance is clear. The girlfriend’s discomfort highlights how nonreactions can feel like erasure, especially for older youth who faced less acceptance growing up.

Dr. Damour’s advice emphasizes tailored support. The dad’s follow-up coffee chat was a smart move, clarifying his daughter’s ease but addressing her girlfriend’s feelings. Planning a special event shows adaptability without compromising his values.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s serving a rainbow of reactions, from cheers for the dad’s no-fuss acceptance to calls for more warmth to match the moment’s gravity. Here’s the unfiltered scoop, fresh from the family drama potluck:

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Due_Laugh_3852 - NTA I will never understand what is 'h**ophobic' about people treating gay children exactly the same as they treat straight children. Isn't that the ideal that we are striving for?

perfectpomelo3 - NTA. I’m a lesbian. When I came out to my parents they basically reacted with “that’s nice, dear.” My sexuality didn’t change my relationship with them. IMO that’s how it should be.

ScooptiWoop5 - NTA. Your reaction is the right one, because homosexuality shouldn’t be a big deal, it’s one way of life and it’s just as fine as being straight or whatever. Just talk to your daughter

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and make sure she doesn’t wrongfully get the impression that you don’t care. Explain to her that it’s just that’s it quite undramatic to you and that you accept her 100% and thought her partner seemed cool. She’ll be happy.

missnobody20 - INFO: How does your daughter feel?

I-hear-the-coast - NAH. I do think it might come across weird if one parent gives the child a hug and the other just sits there saying nothing really to acknowledge what was said. People don’t have to do a big todo, but I do think maybe matching the energy and giving her a hug too would have been better? Depends on if you regularly give hugs though, I suppose.

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I’m doing NAH because we don’t know the daughter’s opinion. I had a bad coming out to my father, but I do like to imagine best case scenario would have been him saying “I’m glad you felt comfortable enough telling me that” and maybe a hug to acknowledge how difficult it was and show that he still loves me? That would have been nice.

sushitrain_ - NTA.. You responded normally. This is what we’re trying to move towards. When I came out to my mom, she didn’t have much of a reaction. Just spoke to me about how I was feeling like it was the easiest thing to talk about. I was a teenager and it made me feel good; I had been incredibly nervous about her reaction,

and was very happy with how mild it was. If your daughter herself asked for a little more validation from you, I’d say of course give it to her. But I don’t think big displays of emotion should be expected. Sexuality is natural, it isn’t a choice. It shouldn’t be more or less celebrated than someone saying they’re straight.

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spoiledrichwhitegirl - caption encouraging panicky chubby square wistful instinctive secretive drunk history. *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

MulberryLivid6938 - As a lesbian, NAH- your wife wasn’t wrong for showing effusive support and you weren’t wrong for being supportive in your own way. However I don’t see anything wrong at all with showing that enthusiasm, especially if your daughter took until the age of 23 to come out.

Before I came out at 20 I felt like I was running so far behind my peers, living a lie, etc. etc. it’s hard. If your kid is middle or early high school age when they come out, I agree, “normalizing” is probably the way to go. But at 23 that is an appropriate age to show a little extra support.

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The fact is that if you are 21+ right now, you did not grow up in a world that was very supportive or accepting of gay people. That merits a little extra enthusiasm, love and joy. Internalized shame is a lifelong battle.

Sisi_R920 - I personally think your wife’s reaction was lovely and validating and I think your nonreaction was also lovely and validating. But no one here can make a judgment for you on this. Only your daughter can. INFO.

The1983Jedi - You aren't wrong to feel how you feel. However, know your daughter probably agnosed for years over telling you & your wife. Planned it all out. Analyzed how you would react & what she would do. So it's probably a lot for you too basically just ignore it, as telling you was a hugh deal to her.

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These takes are as vibrant as a pride parade, but do they miss the nuance of a dad’s quiet love? Can this family align their styles, or will expectations clash?

This isn’t just about a coming-out moment—it’s about love, intention, and meeting loved ones where they are. The dad’s equal treatment aimed for acceptance, but his wife and daughter’s girlfriend craved more fanfare. His willingness to adjust shows a heart in the right place. Can they craft a shared celebration that fits all? Have you ever misjudged the tone of a big family moment? Share your stories—how do you show love when expectations differ?

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