AITA for not going to a wedding due to my son’s allergy?

The aroma of grilled vegetables and fresh flowers should signal a joyous wedding day, but for one mom, it’s a recipe for worry. Her 11-year-old son’s severe allergies to eggs and shellfish clash with the menu at her sister-in-law’s upcoming nuptials, leaving her torn between family duty and his safety.

She’s offered solutions—bringing safe food, skipping the reception—but the bride’s firm “no” and a meddling mother-in-law’s guilt trips have pushed her to a bold choice: staying home with her son. Readers, can you feel the sting of this family standoff? Let’s dive into her story.

‘AITA for not going to a wedding due to my son’s allergy?’

I have three children, my son is 11 and two my two girls (7&3). I’m supposed to be attending my sister-in-law’s wedding in June. Or I was. My youngest daughter is supposed to be a flower girl for the wedding. Well my son has several allergies. The most dangerous are eggs and shellfish,

but he has milder allergies to strawberries, pineapple, and tree nuts, and is lactose intolerant. Obviously it can be hard (and scary!) to eat food not prepped in our home. We recently saw the food options for the reception: cod (stuffed with shrimp), the second option is chicken cordon bleu (egg bath).

I asked if there could be alternatives for my son since both of the options could trigger a reaction. Sides are rice pilaf and grilled veg. She said no, they’ve already paid for the catering, sorry they ‘forgot’. I offered to make him food and bring it but that was shot down as the venue doesn’t allow outside food.

When I requested my SiL ask for an exception for the rule she said no and the only advice was that he “eat before the ceremony.” We have to be there early for wedding party photos and the venue is an hour drive away! I talked to my husband and then my son about this issue.

Our original plan was just go to the ceremony and I would leave with my son before the reception, but my son asked to not go to the wedding at all. I was against that at first but finally relented because honestly I get it, weddings are boring as a kid. My husband said he’d take our girls and I would stay home with our son instead.

This was all fine until my mother in law heard about this. She’s raising a stink about her only grandson not being there and me leaving my husband “alone with two small children” all day and she’s saying the wedding is all about family and will be “incomplete” without my son.

My SiL is upset and thinks I’m somehow punishing her for the food options and trying to cause drama. No, I just don’t want to poison my kid! I’m holding my ground with us not going. I don’t see the point in taking a risk for something he doesn’t wanna do anyways! So I’m “ruining” her wedding that she’s been stressing over for over a year. AITA here?

Navigating family events with food allergies is like walking a tightrope over a buffet table. This mom’s predicament highlights a clash between celebration and safety, with her son’s health caught in the crossfire.

Dr. Anna Nowakowska, a pediatric allergist, notes, “Food allergies affect 8% of children, and reactions can escalate quickly without safe options” (Healthline, 2023). The bride’s refusal to accommodate, citing paid catering, dismisses a real risk, while the mom’s decision prioritizes her son’s well-being over social pressure.

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This story mirrors a broader issue: the lack of allergy awareness at social gatherings. A 2021 study found 60% of allergic individuals faced unsafe food at events (Food Allergy Research & Education). The bride could’ve asked caterers for a simple swap, as many offer allergy-friendly plates.

For solutions, experts suggest clear communication early on. This mom could propose a post-wedding family gathering to mend ties, ensuring her son’s safety while showing goodwill. Open dialogue about allergies can turn tension into understanding.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s got some spicy takes on this wedding drama—grab your popcorn! Here are the top community reactions:

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bitternerdette − NTAb I highly doubt the caterers couldn't swap in an allergy friendly meal....that's their job. Heck I bet the caterers would keep you bring your own food for them to plate up and serve.. If they can't accommodate not killing their nephew, then you can't accommodate their whining.

Thia-M − NTA. I also don't believe the venue won't allow outside food for a little kid.

[Reddit User] − NTA. If you invite someone to an event, you should either provide food that won’t kill them or not expect them to attend. Can’t have it both ways. Also LOL at the idea that your husband couldn’t possibly survive a day alone with two of his three kids.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. So your SIL has time to complain about you causing 'drama,' but not to rethink calling the venue or the caterer and asking what they can do to accommodate? Or to tell your MIL that everyone will survive the absence of one little kid and she needs to drop it? Funny how that works. (Although, to be fair, your husband could also be helping on the MIL front.)

Full_Bullfrog1928 − NTA.. My son is allergic to shrimp. My mom still loves to invite us to shrimp boils, and we used to go, but as he gets more exposure, he gets worse and now he can't be near the cooking either. But I'M selfish for not going and making him sit alone and eat coleslaw so she can host a party?

Making something dangerous for one person is the same as uninviting them and I don't understand why people have a problem with the literal survival techniques we have to come up with. Like not being around stuff that can kill us.

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firefly232 − NTA This was all fine until my mother in law heard about this. She’s raising a stink about her only grandson not being there and me leaving my husband “alone with two small children” all day and she’s saying the wedding is all about family and will be “incomplete” without my son.

Tell your MIL, (tactfully if you can) 'the wedding is about the bride and groom and you will invite her over to spend time with grandson soon. Thankfully, she can rest assured that your husband is a great dad and will have no issue parenting his daughters during the day. Such a shame that you can't attend, but she knows about the allergies, right?

You don't want to risk anything. You're sure she'll understand. It's SILs big day and you would hate to see it ruined if, god forbid, there was a serious reaction.' Your SIL has made her choice about catering. I find it really hard to believe that there is no way to accommodate allergies.

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u2125mike2124 − NTA. They don't want your son there as a person. they want him there as a prop. All for the HAppY fAMilY

[Reddit User] − NTA because your kid’s safety is the most important, but what are you doing with the other kids? Why does he need to go to the wedding?

PhilRiverStreet180 − NTA - Please reassure granny that no country requires the attendance of every grandchild to make a wedding ceremony complete.

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Smitty80015 − NTA Have to admit, I thought - by the title - I was going to vote differently. However, your SIL's unwillingness to accommodate food allergies makes you entirely in the right! And your MIL's thoughts that a father can't handle two of his own children for a day is so archaic, it is laughable.

These Redditors sound off with wit and wisdom, but do their hot takes hold up in the real world?

This mom’s stand for her son’s safety has split her family, but it’s hard to argue with a parent protecting their child. Weddings are about love, yet this one’s missing a dash of compromise. Readers, what’s your verdict? Would you skip the celebration or find another way to make it work? Share your thoughts and stories below—what would you do in this sticky situation?

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