AITA for not going to a party because my daughter wasn’t invited?

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In a cozy neighborhood, where weekly dinners and game nights knit a tight circle of friends, a paper invitation slips into a mailbox and unravels a bond. A 28-year-old mom, thrilled for her close friends’ baby’s first birthday, finds her 7-year-old daughter, who helped plan the party, left off the guest list.

Stung by the oversight, she declines to attend, unwilling to leave her daughter behind. Her choice sparks a heated clash, leaving a once-warm friendship frosty. Was calling out the exclusion too blunt, or a fair stand for her child?

‘AITA for not going to a party because my daughter wasn’t invited?’

My husband (30m) and I (28f) have been friends with a couple Ruby (34f) and Ted (44m) for quite a few years. We also have a daughter, Ally (7) who is very close with the couple. We hang out with Ted and Ruby at least once a week. We go out to dinner, or get together at each other’s houses for meals and game nights.

We’ve gone out of town on weekend road trips and planned birthday parties together. Ally always takes part, and loves to help (until it’s bedtime or she goes off to do her own thing). About a year ago, I became pregnant with my son, and Ruby was also pregnant with their first child, a girl.

Ruby would often ask Ally’s opinion on baby names, and specifically had tasks picked out for her to help with for the baby shower. The asked my husband to be the baby’s godfather. Fast forward to now. Ruby and Ted’s daughter is one year old and they are throwing her a birthday party.

Ally and I went to party stores with Ruby to pick out decorations for the party, and Ally sat with Ruby one afternoon helping to put together loot bags for the guests. We received the invitation a few days ago, dropped in our mailbox (an actual paper invitation). It was addressed to me, husband, and baby (our son is 9 months old).

I didn’t think too much of it, I thought the omission of Ally must have been a mistake in the hurry to get the invitations out. I called Ruby and asked if she meant to include Ally on the invitation. Ruby said no, that husband was invited because he was the godfather, and I was bringing the baby (?) and of course baby was close in age to their daughter.

But they weren’t inviting children Ally’s age. Husband was working that weekend so I told her I wouldn’t be attending. I wasn’t going to get a babysitter for my 7 year old so I could drive across town with an infant to attend a birthday party full of screaming babies in freezing weather.

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I also told her that I thought it was tacky to have Ally help her with all the party details and then not even invite her. She would have been happy to come help. Ruby was very upset, and had some choice words about us ruining a special day.

She hasn’t spoken to me since, although she and Ted have both spoken to my husband. I ran into her at the grocery store today and she made a production of turning her back on me and walking away, which made me sad. We were very close not long ago, and all this over a stupid party.

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Was I the a**hole for telling her I thought it was rude not to invite my daughter? It was her party after all. I still wouldn’t have gone, but my husband thinks I should have kept my opinion to myself to keep the peace, and that Ally would have gotten over it.

EDIT: Because some people are asking. It wasn’t a party for adults. Ruby had moms and kids invited from mommy & me class, and also mom & baby swim classes. Maybe about a dozen kids in total, all under two I believe. Maybe her thinking was that if she invited Ally she’d have to invite other older siblings, and that’s understandable but

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1) Ally helped with the party and 2) she’s like a part of their family. They have no nieces or nephews. I don’t really know how my husband feels, other than he thinks I should have said nothing (my exact words to Ruby were “I have to say I’m a bit disappointed that you didn’t invite Ally.

It wasn’t nice to exclude her after she helped you get ready.” Ruby said “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Then went on to talk about how it was a special day, and she was upset we didn’t see that and that we wouldn’t make the effort to go, and felt like we were ruining things). My husband is the confrontational one, so I feel like our roles have been reversed, and it’s frustrating.

This birthday party snub stings like a paper cut—small but sharp. The OP’s friend, Ruby, excluded her 7-year-old daughter, Ally, from a baby’s party despite her help with preparations, leaving the OP to choose between attending and standing by her child. Ruby’s cold shoulder afterward only deepens the rift.

Excluding Ally, who saw Ruby’s family as her own, was insensitive. As child psychologist Dr. Tovah Klein notes, “Children thrive on inclusion and feeling valued in close relationships.” Ruby’s “babies-only” rule ignores Ally’s emotional investment, setting her up for hurt. This reflects broader issues: exclusion in social settings can erode trust, especially in tight-knit groups.

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The OP’s decision to skip the party was reasonable, though her blunt words escalated tensions. A calm talk to mend the friendship, acknowledging both sides’ feelings, could help.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s takes are as lively as a toddler’s birthday bash! Here’s what the community had to say:

halfadash6 − NTA. You don't ask a 7 year old to help prepare for the birthday party of a child who they know, and then invite the rest of their family but not that child. You had every right to tell her she was being rude, and she's being extremely dramatic if she thinks this exchange or your absence in any way 'ruins' the day.

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Auraya_ − NTA, Having a kid help with party and then not inviting her is TA. You are good parent for not betraying your daughter by going.

MaddyKet − I say NTA because she helped and if your husband is godfather, you are family. I feel like all ages of family go to a first birthday. Sure, it’s her party and she can invites who’d she’d like, but she’s acting like a jerk. Ignoring you at supermarket? Mature.

Buying_Bagels − NTA. You too sound extremely close, to hangout that much. It’s kinda weird they didn’t invite her. It’d be one thing if Ally was 13 and could stay home by herself, but she is 7. When I was a baby, all my cousins

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and family friends kid’s came, ranging in age from newborn to 13. Part of the fun for kids is all the other kids from families will come. Also, will this be an indication of future events? Will Ally be left off of all invites cause she is older?

justkillintime99 − NTA wow.. for her to think you would leave your child..who has already been involved in the party..to go to the party. I mean if the kid knew nothing about the party..that would be different or if it was an adult party.. but this is a kids party. You did the right thing.

Reddoraptor − NTA by far, having Ally help put it together (the party loot bags, etc.) and then not inviting her and expecting you to go and hire a babysitter and for Ally to then hear that she was not invited to the very party she helped with is totally obnoxious.

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that-sewer − Nta. It’s much worse that she included your daughter in the prep. I hope she hasn’t realised that she wasn’t invited, poor kid.

heymallorie − NTA. Wow, it's a baby's birthday party! Why would they not invite your daughter?! I really cannot understand inviting you, your husband & your baby, but not your 7 year old. Also extremely rude of her to let your daughter help with the preparations for the party and not have her at the actual party!. I seriously cannot fathom how this woman came to the conclusion that excluding your daughter would be okay!!

bek8228 − Reading the title and first couple of paragraphs, I was expecting a totally different story about how you were trying to force these people to include your kid in an “adults only” event. But wow, the actual story is not what I expected at all. I can’t believe these people!

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They are completely in the wrong. If they wanted a “babies only” party, then your daughter shouldn’t have been included in planning and preparing. That’s totally just setting up a little kid for a huge disappointment. And who the f**k enforces a “babies only” party anyway?

There are adults and kids of all ages in my extended family and yet we still all manage to enjoy each other’s presence at birthdays and holidays. Sure, I wouldn’t expect your daughter to want to play with babies all day everyday and she definitely needs (and most likely has) friends her own age, but she certainly would have done fine at the party

and probably could have had a lot of fun helping out with little tasks like putting the food out and passing out slices of cake. Some kids her age love to feel important by helping adults with those kinds of tasks and if she was already helping to plan the party then she’s probably one of them! Your friend is an a**hole and you were right to at least try to set her straight. Her reaction afterwards to ignore you is lame.. NTA.

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nannylive − NTA.. Did your husband actually go?

These opinions pack a punch, but do they clarify the drama or just blow out the candles on this friendship?

This party snub leaves us pondering: was the OP wrong for calling out her friend’s exclusion, or was standing up for her daughter the right call? Friendships and family loyalty can clash like mismatched party decorations. What would you do if a close friend excluded your child from a special event? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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