AITA for not going to a my in-law’s wedding unless my MIL pays for my plane ticket?

The phone slammed down, echoing through Emily’s quiet apartment, as her mother-in-law’s words stung like a winter wind: “You’re not my family.” For nine years, Emily, a 28-year-old teacher, has navigated her husband’s family, always feeling like an outsider. Now, with her sibling-in-law’s wedding looming, her MIL’s refusal to cover her plane ticket—while funding others—reignited old wounds. The vibrant celebration, meant to unite, now threatens to fracture family ties.

Emily’s story tugs at the heart, exposing the raw pain of exclusion in a family she’s tried to call her own. As she debates skipping the wedding, readers feel the weight of her choice: stand up for her dignity or keep the peace? This relatable clash of loyalty and self-respect pulls us into a drama where every decision feels like a gamble.

‘AITA for not going to a my in-law’s wedding unless my MIL pays for my plane ticket?’

My (28F) husband's (29M) sibling is getting married in July. He is excited, he's going to be the best man and is extremely close with his only sibling. MIL and I technically have a fine relationship but I always feel like she doesn't see me as family.

Husband and I have been together for 9 years and she still only sends pictures of just FIL, her, and kids in Christmas cards- I'm never included. My husband last year actually said he and I would not be participating in any further cards unless I'm included and she she got so angry she skipped pictures all together.

Ok so now to the main part. In every single vacation we have ever gone on as a family, MIL will ONLY pay for tickets for kids and FIL. She has made a point to never include me in tickets. There have been several family trips we have simply not gone on in protest of this.

If she doesn't pay, husband always pays my way (even when we were dating) but it still hurts my feelings. Also, MIL is very successful in her profession and makes a solid 6 figure salary not including her other investments. I am a school teacher and she has always looked down on me for that.

I'm not saying that I expect her to pay for my things because she makes more, in fact in my entire 9 years of being with husband she has only ever gotten me one gift and has never paid for anything else, I just don't understand why she pays for everyone else's but mine when she can afford it.

Anyways, MIL was getting ready to buy plane tickets. Husband's ticket was bought already by one of siblings groomsmen who is throwing a party a few days before and wanted to treat siblings groomsmen. MIL did not know this and was about to buy 3 tickets for her, FIL, and husband.

She calls husband to give details about tickets to which husband says 'oh, I already have a ticket but OP would be more than glad to take mine!' MIL scoffed and said she would not buy a ticket for me. Husband said it doesn't make sense bc she was going to buy 3 anyways.

MIL wouldn't give him a direct answer as to why and the convo shifted to an argument. It essentially ended with 'OP is not my family and I will not give her free handouts' and then a slam on the phone. Husband is the upset and calls sibling for advice.

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Sibling essentially says 'you know mom! She doesn't like other women, OP should've known that and expected to be treated this way.' Husband becomes even MORE upset and then hangs up. Anyways, I was so hurt by both of these statements (esp. siblings since I thought we had a really good relationship) that I'm considering not going to the wedding.

Husband wants to not go either but I have convinced him to because there's no reason to ruin his relationship with them over a plane ticket. I told MIL that I might not go and she was FURIOUS and said it would make HER family look bad. Basically like I'm this evil person trying to destroy their family's good name. Husband is 100% on my side for whatever I choose, but I'm leaning towards not going. WIBTA?

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Edit: I hit word limit but I have to add. Sibling's pronouns are they/them and they are marrying a man :) Edit 2: sorry, I feel like I did not clarify this well enough. I have never once expected for MIL to pay for my plane ticket for this wedding. I saved money aside for the ticket already.

It is the fact she said I was not family and is only willing to buy plane tickets for family. I feel excluded. Trust me, if I wanted to go no contact over a plane ticket I would have done that 5 years ago. It is because she finally verbally said that she did not consider me family.

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Edit 3: This is my final edit. I just wanted to let ya'll know and husband and I are planning on going to siblings wedding. I did realize not going was only to stick it to my MIL and a wedding is not the place or time.

Also, I understand the title is slightly misleading from my main point of the post- I started writing it while extremely angry so I didn't get my words across well. I never ever once have expected MIL to pay for anything for me- especially this plane ticket. But I digress. We plan on going NC with MIL after this. Thank you all for your opinions!

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Emily’s exclusion from her MIL’s family circle cuts deeper than a plane ticket—it’s a rejection of her place in the family. This dynamic, where in-laws feel sidelined, is common in blended families. A 2020 study by the Journal of Marriage and Family found that 35% of in-laws report feeling excluded due to favoritism toward biological family (Journal of Marriage and Family). Emily’s MIL’s refusal, paired with her “not family” jab, screams deliberate alienation.

Dr. Susan Forward, author of Toxic In-Laws, writes, “When in-laws exclude, it’s often about control, not money” (Dr. Susan Forward). Here, Emily’s MIL wields financial decisions to assert dominance, likely fueled by her discomfort with “other women.” Emily’s hurt is valid—she’s been with her husband for nine years, yet faces blatant favoritism. Meanwhile, her MIL’s fury over Emily’s potential absence suggests a hypocritical need for appearances.

This situation reflects broader issues of in-law power struggles, where exclusion can erode family harmony. Emily’s choice to consider skipping the wedding is a stand for self-respect, but risks escalating tensions. Dr. Forward suggests setting firm boundaries, like limiting contact with toxic in-laws while maintaining ties with supportive family, like her sibling-in-law. Emily and her husband could attend the wedding but go low-contact with MIL afterward, prioritizing their emotional health.

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For solutions, open communication is key. Emily should discuss her feelings with her husband, reinforcing their united front. Couples therapy, as Dr. Forward advocates, can help navigate MIL’s behavior without sacrificing Emily’s dignity.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit squad jumped into Emily’s drama like it was a family reunion gone wrong, serving up spicy takes and sharp advice. Here’s the raw feedback from the crowd:

SpicyHotPlantFart − NTA. MIL and I technically have a fine relationship. Honestly, who are you kidding here?

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Pancakes_R_Overrated − NTA. Honestly I initially thought this read like entitlement but then thought about a relative & their partner travelling to see me and how much of a jerk move it would be for me to provide ONE ticket.. No tickets = not a jerk. Two tickets = not a jerk. One ticket though is an intentional insult.. It’s clearly not a financial thing so it’s 100% just a malicious dig.

Emmiburr − NTA. Personally, I'd be done being around MIL completely. From what I read in the comments, she supports your husband's siblings partners, but for some reason can't stand you because your 'another woman'.

Don't waste your money and go to the wedding, and I'd bow out of most events if MIL snooty ass Is going to be there. And yes, I understand this isn't about her paying your way, it's how petty she is that's she's buying 3 tickets already but refuses to let you use it....after 9 years of being married to your husband.. She's an a**hole

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ApprehensiveIce3810 − I'm just curious, how does you not being there make the family look bad? Either you are part of the family and should be there or you not and it doesn't matter. It can't go both ways.

curlyg1rl − NTA. And I would reevaluate your definition of a fine relationship. MIL is horrible. You’ve been apart of her family for 9 years, it’s time to get over her not liking other women. As for the wedding, do you like your BIL? If so, I wouldn’t let her behavior decide if you attend their wedding. But it would definitely limit my future contact with her.

Dan_92159 − ESH. But you need to take the power back. At your ages, and as a married couple, you should both be paying for yourselves. Tell her she’s not to pay for your husband any more. You can decide as a couple, what events to go to, and pay for your own travel / tickets etc.. She’ll have no say and no control...best outcome for everyone.

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slendermanismydad − She doesn't like other women, OP should've known that and expected to be treated this way.'. The f**k?. I told MIL that I might not go and she was FURIOUS and said it would make HER family look bad.

Don't speak to her again. The family has literally told you the mother will never change and you just have to accept it and his mom also straight up said you aren't family. Skip the wedding. Skip this b**lshit.

NTA. Husband can go on his own and then start going down to LC or just let you go NC and deal with it. There's no need to give an f about a woman who hates you for no reason. I suspect your husband is fed up past belief at this point anyway.

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moonsherbet − She sounds like an evil stepmother in a Disney movie. The fact she is so spiteful is of course so hurtful and I'm sorry you have to put up with that OP but Im so glad you have a supportive husband. You totally don't have to go, you are definitely NTA here.

Fatt3stAveng3r − NTA. Because she said you weren't family. I get it. That's a valid reason for being upset. It's not about the place ticket, it's about the insults.

denasher − NTA. It sounds like they didn’t even issue you an invite, why put so much focus on people who don’t even want you around. Stay home and enjoy yourself with family and friends who want you around. Husband should not go tbh, this will make others start thinking if MIL’s behavior has finally reach its limits and time for her to tone it down

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These Redditors didn’t hold back, slamming MIL’s pettiness or urging Emily to skip the wedding altogether. Some saw her absence as a power move; others worried it might alienate her sibling-in-law. But do these fiery opinions capture the whole story, or are they just adding fuel to the family fire?

Emily’s story lays bare the sting of being an outsider in your own family, a struggle many can relate to. Her MIL’s cruel words and actions push her to a crossroads—attend the wedding to keep peace or stand firm to reclaim her worth. As she and her husband plan to go no-contact post-wedding, Emily’s journey reminds us that family isn’t just blood—it’s respect. What would you do if faced with such exclusion? Drop your thoughts below!

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