AITA for not going home during our semester break and letting my family deal with the mess they made?

College can be a breath of fresh air—a welcome escape from family drama and the heavy burdens of home. For one student in her second year, the idea of returning home had long lost its charm. After her mom passed away a year ago, she became the primary caretaker: cooking, cleaning, and keeping the house in order for her dad, older sister, younger sister, and even a cousin who moved in at her dad’s request. What was meant to be a temporary solution slowly became a relentless routine of cleaning up after others who simply couldn’t manage on their own.

Every time she returned from her boarding house for a weekend break, the home was in disarray—shoes scattered, dishes piled up, and trash overflowing. Despite her best efforts to maintain a tidy, healthy environment, her family’s neglect was evident. Eventually, she reached a breaking point: tired of sacrificing her own rest and peace, she decided to stop coming home altogether during semester breaks. This wasn’t about being ungrateful—it was about setting boundaries and letting her family learn what it means to take responsibility for themselves.

‘AITA for not going home during our semester break and letting my family deal with the mess they made?’

Family therapist Dr. Laura Simmons explains, “When one member of a household is repeatedly burdened with responsibilities that aren’t theirs to bear, it can lead to long-term resentment and a breakdown in family dynamics.” (source: ) According to Dr. Simmons, the scenario described here is a classic example of enabling poor behavior. The student’s role shifted from being a family member to a de facto housekeeper—a role that ultimately eroded her sense of self and well-being.

Dr. Simmons stresses that boundaries are essential in maintaining healthy relationships. “It’s not about abandoning your family—it’s about teaching them accountability. Sometimes a wake-up call is necessary for all parties to recognize that living in a household is a shared responsibility,” she adds.

The decision to skip the semester break, while painful, was a strategic step towards self-care. It forced her family to experience the consequences of their inaction, which is often the only way for individuals to learn and grow. Dr. Simmons encourages open dialogue about these boundaries, so that family members can adjust their behavior and respect each other’s needs.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit users have been quick to rally behind our storyteller’s decision. Many remarked that she was simply done being the unpaid maid for a family that took her efforts for granted. “YWBTA if you kept cleaning up after them. They’re grown-ups—it’s about time they act like it,” one user commented, emphasizing that the household should learn to function without her constant intervention. Others noted that her absence during the break was a well-deserved consequence—a practical lesson in accountability.

Several redditors highlighted that the comment “Oh wow, how convenient that you couldn’t come home earlier” was the ultimate insult, revealing that her family valued her only for her cleaning efforts. One user even mentioned that if the family truly cared, they would have learned to manage the household independently by now.

While a few voices suggested that a more diplomatic approach could have been tried, the overall consensus is that she deserved to take a stand. The overwhelming support from the community shows that setting boundaries—especially when you’re constantly taken for granted—is not only justified but necessary for personal well-being.

In conclusion, this story isn’t just about a messy house—it’s about the hidden costs of unbalanced family responsibilities. By choosing not to return home during semester break, our storyteller wasn’t being selfish; she was finally standing up for herself and demanding that her family take responsibility for their own lives.

The situation forces us to consider: When does caring for your family cross the line into self-sacrifice? How do you draw the line between love and enabling poor behavior? Have you ever had to set similar boundaries in your own family? Share your thoughts and experiences—let’s start a conversation about accountability, self-care, and the challenges of balancing family obligations.