AITA for not giving my niece her university fund now that she is pregnant?

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In a cozy living room, the buzz of a bank holiday weekend faded as a 45-year-old uncle faced a tough call from his 18-year-old niece, Rachel. Years ago, he began saving for her university fees, a quiet gesture to ease her family’s struggles after his brother’s financial hardships. Now, with Rachel pregnant and deferring her studies, she asked for those funds to set up a flat and buy baby essentials. His refusal—insisting the money was for education only—lit a fuse, turning family gratitude into accusations of coldness.

The clash revealed more than a disagreement over money; it exposed raw tensions about responsibility and independence. Rachel’s plea for immediate help clashed with her uncle’s vision of her long-term security, leaving their family divided. This story weaves through love, sacrifice, and the weight of expectations in shaping a young adult’s path.

‘AITA for not giving my niece her university fund now that she is pregnant?’

I (45M) never got married or had kids. My little brother (41M) and his wife (39F) have two daughters, the eldest of which is 18 and expecting her first child. As a backstory, in 2008 I was let go from my job at a regional accounting firm.

Nobody was taking on staff back then so I took some time out and studied to become a licensed insolvency practitioner, after which I started my own firm and started making good money dealing with companies going into administration after the credit crunch.

This career shift enabled me to buy my first house at 37 and start to save for the future. My brother, like most people, was not as lucky as I was. In 2008 he had a 7yo and 3yo and got made redundant. He and his wife lost the house,

which was unfortunate if they’d have been able to hang on for another 18 months I’d have been able to support them with their mortgage payments, but at that time I was also out of work and living off savings. After I bought my house 8 years ago I started saving for my nieces university fees.

The government at that time had just announced that they were raising fees to £9k a year so I wanted the girls to be able to go without getting into a huge amount of debt. I felt bad for my little brother and the girls because I was doing well and they were struggling at the time,

they would never had accepted any money from me, so saving up for their uni fees felt like the next best thing. I gave up on a few things, like I could’ve afforded a nice car but chose something more discrete and saved the difference.

My eldest niece, who we’ll call Rachel, was meant to be off to uni in October, however she’s now not taking up her place because she’s pregnant and has decided to defer her studies to take care of the baby. She called me over the bank holiday weekend to ask about the uni fund

and whether she could have some of the money to get set up in her own flat and buy baby things. I said that the answer was no, the money is for her education and she could either have it when she goes to university at some point in the future,

or I would pay for a local college course so she could finish her A-levels and learn a skill, like bookkeeping, so she could get a higher paying job. Ultimately, this caused a big family row where I was labelled as the villain because I wouldn’t give Rachel her money when she needed it most.

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I don’t really see it as her money, to spend as she chooses, it’s only hers on the condition that she uses it for her education. If I give her £25k now, that’ll last a year to 18 months, then what happens? If she gets her degree/completes vocational training and establishes a career,

then she’ll be on her own two feet and can financially survive. I’d appreciate a fresh pair of eyes on this, so can anyone tell me if I’m being an arsehole for not giving Rachel her money for anything other than university/local college/training?.

Update: lot of people saying it’s pointless to pay fees outright in UK.

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Supporting a family through unexpected changes is a delicate challenge, as this uncle’s situation illustrates. Holding on to Rachel’s college fund reflects a commitment to her future stability, rooted in his own journey of overcoming adversity. Rachel, facing motherhood at 18, sees the fund as a lifeline to immediate needs, a view her family supports in criticizing him. Both sides are right: he prioritizes long-term independence, and she needs immediate security.

Teen pregnancies often disrupt educational plans, with long-term economic consequences. Only a third of teenage mothers return to higher education within five years, often facing financial hardship if they lack a degree. Rachel’s postponement risks falling into this cycle, and her uncle’s demand for education—whether college or vocational—is intended to break it, though she currently finds it limiting.

Family experts stress that support for young people should be geared towards long-term development, not just immediate needs. The uncle’s offer to fund a vocational course shows flexibility, but a gentler approach – such as discussing Rachel’s life plans – can reduce stress. Involving her parents in sharing responsibility also helps clarify expectations, reducing pressure on him.

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To resolve conflict, families need to have open dialogue. The uncle could make a small donation for the baby’s needs, keeping the purpose of the fund in mind, demonstrating support without compromise. This story highlights the need to balance generosity with purpose, ensuring young people build a sustainable future. Share your thoughts below.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit users overwhelmingly backed the uncle, stressing that the fund was his money, saved with the specific intent of supporting education, not general expenses. They praised his foresight in offering to fund future studies or vocational training, seeing it as a practical way to secure Rachel’s independence, especially given the fleeting nature of her requested funds.

[Reddit User] − NTA in my eyes. That Money was set aside for a goal - her education. If that goal is not met, then no point in offering that money. I’m just surprised that your family members are acting like total jerks to you. It’s not their money to be commanding like that.

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mundotaku − NTA. It is not HER money, it is YOUR money and you are still open to give it to her for the purpose it was intended. Having a children is not excuse to give up education, quite the opposite, it is a good reason to start having one more than ever.

assiduous-asshat − NTA. You saved up that money for her education, not to support her when she is having a kid.

tastyfakes − NTA. You specifically saved for her education fees, not her nest egg.

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Iwoodh8wbu − NTA the money from the beginning was for a purpose and that purpose is to pay for a higher education so they can be better off in life. It was never intended to be straight cash handout when they became of age for them to choose what to use it on. I feel your doing the smart thing and holding her to going to school.

[Reddit User] − NTA. It's not her money, it's yours. I don't know how it is in the UK, but in the US, there are penalties on some accounts if the funds are not used for approved educational purposes.

Wise_Possession − NTA. Its savings for college, she can use it for college. If she had gotten say a scholarship or something, and was attending school without needing the money, I'd say it would be a nice gesture to give it to her for a house or something, although still not required, but without college involved at all? Nope.

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Strivingtosucceed − NTA it seems at 18 she's not making very good choices (eg having a baby before even finishing a levels). Seeing as she has her parents to help sort her out for now, I definitely think there's no harm in keeping the money back to be used for its initial purpose, otherwise, it'll likely be spunked up the wall.

kieka408 − NTA it is not her money. So no not the a**hole. Personally I think that this is a very kind and thoughtful thing to do. I understand her wanting to use the money for the baby but like you said it will be gone in no time and then she will have no fund to be able to pay for school.

And it’s not like you took it away from her or retracted the offer simply because she got pregnant. The offer still stand she just has to keep her end of it. I wish I had an uncle that paid for my schooling.

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SialaSialis − Your comments indicate that your family thinks you're withholding your niece's money. It's not her money. It was intended to be a gift with a specific purpose. She may want to go to school in the future, at which point she'll need that money. If it is distributed now, there will be no money for that later purpose.

Question: Why don't her PARENTS, whose responsibility it was to save school money for school, and who seems to be pressuring you, put forward the money for her baby stuff? It seems convenient that they are expressing anger for what is a gift to cover their lack of planning / responsibility.

I would say N A H since the niece doesn't seem mature enough to deal with the consequences of her actions, but the parents / family are definitely acting like AH. Meet with the parents and ask them how they intend to help your niece. Ask why they think the money is hers / theirs to decide how to use,

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and ask whether they are really willing to cause a rift based on a gracious gift. Ask how they expect to pay for your niece's university a few years from now when she will have a more difficult life. Does your niece have a revised life plan?

Does she intend to go back to school, how does she intend to accomplish it, and on what time scale? Why does she need money for a flat she cannot afford; why can she not live at home or have the child's father work for the rent?

If you feel generous, you could give her a small portion as a gift as an incentive to get her back on track -- with the stipulation that future disbursements will be only for school and / or directly to the university, full stop.. NTA for whatever you decide.

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Some criticized the family’s sense of entitlement, questioning why Rachel’s parents didn’t step up to help with baby costs. The consensus held that the uncle’s conditions were fair, urging Rachel to prioritize education for long-term stability, though a few suggested a small gesture of support could soften the family rift without undermining his stance.

This family’s feud over a university fund reveals the heart of tough love—balancing immediate needs with long-term dreams. The uncle’s resolve to keep the money for education clashes with his niece’s urgent plea, leaving their bond strained. As Rachel steps into motherhood, their story prompts reflection on how to support young adults through life’s surprises. How would you balance generosity with guiding a loved one’s future? Share your experiences or advice below—let’s keep the conversation going.

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