AITA for not giving my mother my brother’s number?

In a quiet hospital room, a 16-year-old girl grapples with a heart-wrenching dilemma, caught between her cancer-stricken mother’s desperate pleas and her brother’s firm boundaries. Her mother, battling a fading treatment, yearns to reconnect with her estranged son, Brady, whom she mistreated years ago. The teen, torn by loyalty to both, faces her mother’s tears and her father’s anger after refusing to share Brady’s number, respecting his wish for no contact.

The air is thick with guilt and grief, as family tensions simmer like a storm about to break. Was she wrong to prioritize her brother’s privacy over her mother’s dying wish? With her parents calling her cruel and her heart heavy, this raw tale of fractured family ties pulls us into a moral maze where love, regret, and boundaries collide.

‘AITA for not giving my mother my brother’s number?’

My (16F) mother has cancer. She’s getting treatment but I don’t think it’s working well. It’s hard and we’ve all been a mess. But yeah, my mom has a son from her previous marriage, (Brady-27M).

My mom didn’t treat him well and he cut contact with her when he turned 18. I’m pretty sure he calls his step mother, mom. I don’t blame him and can respect/accept the fact that while mom was a great mother to me, she was a terrible one to him.

We talk occasionally but it’s usually just him sending me pics of his wife and kids and me sending him pics of my cat and I lol. He has 0 contact with my parents. I don’t know if it’s the cancer or the inevitable but my mom has been asking about Brady a lot.

I tell her things like oh he’s fine etc you know a general idea but I don’t go into detail to respect his privacy. But then my mom started asking me to make him visit at least once. So I texted Brady and asked if he wanted to visit and he said no. It would be too hard and then he just changed the topic. I didn’t ask him to explain.

I told my mother and she started crying. She begged me to give her his number and that she just wanted to see her first baby one last time. She wanted a chance to apologize and tell him that she loved him. I was really tempted ngl but I just couldn’t. I love my brother and he’s always been kind to me, the least I can do is respect his wishes.

It hurt to see my mother cry while she’s already in such a weak state but I refused to give her his number. She just cried harder and asked me why I was torturing her as well. Basically implying that I’m in the wrong for preventing her from seeing her son.

My dad is upset with me as well and said that he can’t believe I’m choosing a “spoiled b**tard” over my sick mother. I don’t think I’m the AH, but I do feel horrible. My mom is incredibly unwell and it’s true that she can’t really do anything. It’s the only thing she’s asking for these days. But I just can’t. Does that make me the AH?

This teen’s caught in a brutal tug-of-war between her mother’s regrets and her brother’s healing. Refusing to share Brady’s number was a brave act of loyalty to his boundaries. Dr. Nedra Glover Tawwab, a therapist specializing in family dynamics, says, “Respecting someone’s no-contact decision is crucial; violating it reopens wounds” (Nedratawwab.com). The mother’s plea, while heartbreaking, doesn’t erase her past mistreatment of Brady, and pressuring a 16-year-old to mediate is unfair.

The broader issue is estrangement in families. A 2023 study by the American Sociological Association found 26% of adults are estranged from a parent, often due to emotional abuse (ASAnet.org). Brady’s no-contact choice likely protects his peace, and the OP’s respect for it preserves their bond. Her parents’ emotional blackmail—especially her father’s cruel words—shifts blame onto a teen already carrying too much.

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Tawwab suggests a neutral approach: the OP could tell Brady about their mother’s cancer and her wish to apologize, offering to pass a letter without sharing contact info. This honors both parties’ needs without betrayal. The OP should also set boundaries with her parents, calmly stating she won’t mediate.

For others in similar binds, experts recommend staying neutral and seeking support, like a counselor, to manage guilt. The OP could safeguard her phone and lean on trusted adults to navigate this. Protecting Brady’s trust while coping with her mother’s illness shows strength, but she shouldn’t carry this alone.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit came through with some real talk—here’s the scoop:

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BriefHorror − NTA especially after what your father said. Your brother is a person just like your mom and just because your mom is upset now doesn't excuse her behavior toward your brother. You might end up having to go stay with your brother if your dad decides to continue being angry with you after your mom passes.

[Reddit User] − NTA. You may want to consider adding a password to your phone (if you don’t already have one) and changing your brothers contact name in your phone, in case your mother decides to go snooping for his number

pinguthegreek − NTA. She’s had years and years if your brother’s a dad. Now it’s making her realise what she’s done. As much as the general advice is usually stay out of it, part of me feels that you might suggest she writes down how she feels and then you just tell your brother that you have this. And that it’s then left to him if he reads it or not.

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But she’s given a chance to make her peace but if he then chooses not to read it or respond, your conscience would be clear. You absolutely poor thing to be in the middle of this. Who is looking after you my dear ?

Global_Sno_Cone − I would give your brother HER number, tell her you did it, and let him “make the call,” if he wishes. You’ve done your part, no guilt on you, then it really comes down to his decision(which it always has been). Sad for your mom but sounds like your brother will not regret it when she’s gone.

LockSea8204 − NTA. Your dad said that? Spoiled B**tard? No wonder he doesn't want to talk to them. It's his choice. All you can do is advocate for your mother, but it would be a huge breach of trust if you give up his contact info after he expressly declined.

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unstablechickenshit − NTA. Your brother went no contact for a reason. He doesn't want to see her or talk to her. You shouldn't give someone's number to someone else without their consent, and you definitely shouldn't give it to someone they have no interest in contacting.

fotli3146 − NTA, the only thing here is if to tell him that she has cancer or not (not clear if you already told him). IMO he should know. Besides that, if he decided to continue NC that's 100% his choice. People go NC for a reason.

SciFiChickie − NTA you can’t be an a**hole for respecting your brother’s feelings. You’re being a good sister. Also with what your dad said I had a feeling the way your mom treated your brother isn’t the only reason your brother went NC with her. Because your dad was definitely the a**hole in this situation.

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jammy913 − NTA. Acquiescing to her demand might mean he goes NC with you for refusing to respect him. Your mom created this situation with your brother, you didn't. She shouldn't be involving you at all on that score.

The emotional blackmail coming at you now from your parents is wrong. They shouldn't be doing that. They are being extremely selfish and self-centered. Stand your ground, and tell your mom that you don't want your brother to cut you off because she convinces you to stomp all over his VALID boundaries.

That as much as you love her and truly believe she's been a good mom to you, that your brother doesn't share those feelings, and you have no desire to get in the middle of things between her and him.

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Ask her if being on bad terms with both of her kids is better than being on bad terms with just one of them. Because this is a line in the sand with your brother that you are simply not willing to cross over.

violetbaudelairegt − NTA. Im in a position like your brother - estranged from my parents but have siblings still in contact with them. I would be very very angry at any sibling who gave my parents my contact information and it would be a big breach of trust. you're definitely NTA and you're doing the right thing.

And FWIW, it is AWFUL of her to put you in that position of being in the middle. Its something we've learned in my family; you have beef with someone, you don't pull other people in.

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You have to act as if there was no connections between you and the estranged person; your mom should only use the tools available to try to speak with him that she'd have if you weren't there. I'm so sorry youre dealing with your mom's cancer and all of this at once. Im sending you very good thoughts and hope she gets better.

These Reddit takes are raw, but do they catch all the angles? The crowd’s backing the OP’s loyalty to her brother, but the mother’s pain adds layers. What’s the right move in this messy family drama?

This gut-punch of a story leaves us wrestling with loyalty, regret, and the weight of family secrets. The OP’s stand for her brother’s boundaries held firm, but her mother’s tears and her father’s venom sting deep. Should she find a middle path, like passing a letter, or keep the line drawn? Have you ever been stuck between family members’ battles? Drop your stories below and let’s untangle this heart-heavy saga together!

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