AITA for not giving my husbands sister a trunk of baby stuff we saved as momentos?

In a quiet home, a personalized trunk sits like a silent guardian of memory, holding a blanket and outfits crafted with love by grandmothers for a baby who never came home. For a couple still scarred by the stillbirth of their son a decade ago, these items are more than fabric—they’re a lifeline to a lost dream. But when the husband’s sister, a new mother, demands these cherished mementos for her own child, their refusal unleashes a storm of anger and accusations.

The tension crackles in strained phone calls and heated exchanges, as the sister-in-law’s fury clashes with the couple’s grief. Her insistence on claiming these sacred keepsakes, despite their clear refusal, stirs a raw wound, leaving them to question their stance. Readers might feel the ache of their loss, wondering if holding tight to memories makes them selfish. This story of grief and boundaries asks how we honor the past while facing family pressure.

‘AITA for not giving my husbands sister a trunk of baby stuff we saved as momentos?’

My husband and I have two children. Our oldest son would be 10 today if he were alive but he was stillborn and his death was traumatizing for both my husband and myself. We both fell apart and saved these few select outfits and blanket that were made by my grandmothers as a joint baby shower gift (they also donated a personalized trunk for us).

When we had our younger son 2 years ago we used the clothes in the trunk for him but also made sure we maintained them as we wanted to keep them for a keepsake. All the other stuff we donated or gave away. My husbands younger sister and her husband found out they were having a baby late last year.

Their daughter was born a couple of weeks ago. Things with them are complicated and they're struggling. They got a lot of donated stuff but they specifically wanted the stuff in our trunk, the blanket and one particular outfit she always admired especially. My husband asked me how I felt and I admitted I couldn't imagine parting with them.

He nodded but didn't say a lot. He told her we didn't want to give those up but we would of course be getting them stuff when the baby shower came around. She was upset and said it wasn't as meaningful. She asked several more times. Then after she had her daughter she asked me specifically to give them to her.

She used the whole 'mom to mom' thing to try and convince me. I told her I just couldn't imagine parting with them. She was mad. I don't mean sort of mad either. I mean like furious mad. She said we were selfish and we should be ashamed of ourselves for not wanting to share sentimental items, even just one.. AITA?

Grief can turn personal belongings into sacred relics, and no one should demand them. Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a grief counselor , notes, “Mementos of a lost child are vital for processing grief; parting with them can feel like losing the child again.” The couple’s refusal to give up their stillborn son’s blanket and outfits is a natural act of self-preservation, not selfishness.

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The sister-in-law’s fixation on these items, despite their profound significance, shows a lack of empathy. Her repeated requests, escalating to fury, disregard the couple’s trauma. A 2022 study in Journal of Loss and Trauma found that 80% of bereaved parents feel pressured to “move on” by family, intensifying grief. Her “mom to mom” plea manipulates shared motherhood, ignoring the unique pain of loss.

Wolfelt advises, “Set firm boundaries with compassion.” The couple could calmly reiterate the items’ importance, offering other support like new baby gifts. For readers, this underscores respecting grief’s weight—empathy heals, while entitlement wounds. Securing the trunk, as Redditors suggested, might prevent future oversteps, preserving these memories safely.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit crew rallied with fierce support, serving up a mix of outrage and comfort for this grief-fueled standoff. Here’s the raw scoop, brimming with empathy and a touch of disbelief:

Waitingforadragon − NTA. I can't imagine what your SIL is thinking or why she is so fixated on those particular items. She sounds unwell.

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majesticjewnicorn − NTA. What an entitled AH for expecting to receive items which do not belong to her. 'No' is a complete sentence and after asking and hearing 'no', the topic should've ended. I am so very sorry OP for your awful loss,

and I am so sorry that your SIL is trying to take away the very few remaining precious memories you have of your son's presence in your life. If I were you, I would avoid inviting SIL over to your home at any point in case the crazy AH tries snooping through your things to find the stuff she wants.

kitkat6263 − NTA from a mom to mom, keep the sentimental items.

Bestkeptsecretsss − NTA How are these even sentimental to her? YOUR grandmothers made them and she’s your husbands sister? So the only sentimental value they have is by virtue of being made for your baby who passed? In what world should you pass those on to anyone else?

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The fact that you even used them for your second kid surprises me a little (no judgment just a little surprise), never mind giving them away. She’s being incredibly selfish for even asking at all. Edit: even if your kid hasn’t passed away, and even if she were YOUR sister, she would be ridiculously entitled to demand something sentimental to you. But those added factors make her a huge AH

4500Private − NTA- even without the history of a stillborn child, you’re completely reasonable to not want to share all of your children’s items with someone else. She’s a complete jerk for repeatedly asking and demanding. I’d seriously consider going very low contact with her, as if she acts like this over baby mementos, she’s going to be a jerk and boundary crosser again and again.

ImStealingTheTowels − NTA Your refusal should not have hurt your SIL's feelings. Nobody is entitled to anyone's belongings, not least items that are being kept as mementos of a baby who didn't make it. No matter how close you are or nice she thinks it would be to have the items, her demands are beyond inappropriate (not to mention her reaction - WTF?) and you're absolutely **not** wrong to say 'no'.

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She sounds obsessed with this for some reason and I find that quite concerning. Do any of your husband's family have spare keys to your house? If yes, then I would be locking that trunk away somewhere very safe, because SIL sounds entitled enough to take matters into her own hands.

You may think I'm being dramatic, but there have been numerous posts here from people whose family members have stolen sentimental items from them due to them thinking that they're owed something and - quite frankly - SIL doesn't sound like a person you should trust.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Your husband’s sister isn’t entitled to whats in the trunk. Those items have a lot of meaning to them, I think the sister should be more understanding about why you and your husband have to intentions of giving them up

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Whiteroses7252012 − NTA. My mother is a knitter. She made my child an entire layette. My then SIL outright demanded it- which might have made sense if then SIL was related to my mother in any way. She wanted it because it was free clothing. I said no. My ex told me that I had to give her the layette because “she’s family.”

Well, so was my mother, and I didn’t want to give up things that she’d hand knitted specifically for my child. I’m not going to say that the fact that my ex didn’t stand up for me was one of the reasons we divorced but it sure as heck didn’t help. I’d suggest giving the trunk to one of your parents or a close, trusted friend for storage, because I wouldn’t put it past her to take them.

tetrahydramama − NTA! Honestly it’s incredibly weird that she’s so furiously insistent on having items for her child that belonged to you/your angel baby at all. It’s one thing to ask for hand me downs… but she needs to back off and you were right to say no.

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Grey_Forrest − NTA, you lost a child and want to keep this stuff as a memorie, she just has to understand that ig.

Redditors slammed the sister-in-law’s entitlement, urging the couple to protect their mementos at all costs. Some suspected her motives; others warned of potential theft. But do these fiery takes capture the full depth of this loss, or just fuel the family rift?

This couple’s refusal to part with their stillborn son’s mementos is a stand for their grief, met with shocking entitlement from a sister-in-law who can’t see past her own wants. Their trunk holds more than fabric—it cradles a decade of love and loss. Respecting such boundaries strengthens family ties, while demands tear them apart. What would you do if someone demanded your most precious memories? Share your thoughts—how do you honor grief while navigating family expectations?

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