AITA for not giving my husband information when he asks for it?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a cozy suburban home, where a family calendar app buzzes with color-coded events, one woman’s patience is wearing thin. Her husband’s relentless questions about school passwords and appointment times have her feeling more like a personal assistant than a partner. The frustration simmers, not just from the repetition but from the sense that she’s carrying the mental weight of their household alone. Readers can’t help but wonder: is she wrong for putting her foot down, or is this a stand for fairness?

This relatable saga of domestic dynamics pulls us into a modern dilemma. With tools like online platforms and shared apps at their fingertips, why does one spouse bear the burden of remembering it all? The Reddit community has weighed in, and their verdict is clear, but the deeper question lingers: where’s the line between helping and enabling?

‘AITA for not giving my husband information when he asks for it?’

The school district has an online platform to check grades, attendance, etc. I set up an account and told him the password. He asks for the password every week or so. Eventually I refused to tell him anymore and told him to set up his own account. Kinda related, I use a family calendar app to keep track of activities and appointments.

My husband is constantly asking me when something is. Even if I tell him, he asks every couple of days. He says he's 'just making sure'. So now, any time he asks, I will not answer and tell him it's on the calendar. I find his constant questions annoying, lazy and selfish. He finds my refusal to answer annoying, lazy and selfish. AITA?

This Reddit user’s struggle highlights a classic case of uneven mental load in a marriage. As relationship expert Dr. John Gottman notes, “Partnership thrives on shared responsibility, not one person acting as the other’s memory bank” (The Gottman Institute). Here, the wife’s frustration stems from her husband’s reliance on her to manage household details, despite accessible tools. His repeated questions, framed as “just making sure,” suggest a pattern of leaning on her mental labor.

This dynamic isn’t just personal—it’s a broader issue. Studies show women often handle 70% of household management tasks, even in dual-income homes (The Atlantic). The husband’s refusal to engage with the calendar or school platform reflects a subtle entitlement, assuming his wife will pick up the slack. Dr. Gottman’s insight applies here: shared effort builds trust. The wife’s pushback is a call for equity, not selfishness.

What’s driving his behavior? He may feel overwhelmed or simply out of habit, defaulting to her as the “organizer.” Yet, this fosters learned helplessness, as commenter Effulgencey pointed out. To move forward, they could set clear boundaries: he checks the calendar first, then discusses discrepancies together. Small steps, like saving the school password in a shared app like 1Password, could ease tension.

Ultimately, this isn’t about winning an argument but rebuilding teamwork. Couples counseling or a frank discussion about mental load could help. The wife might also try playfully turning the tables—asking him for details to highlight the imbalance. Change starts with mutual effort, not one-sided demands.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s hot takes are as candid as a coffee shop chat with friends. The community rallied behind the wife, with a touch of humor and a lot of truth. Here’s what they had to say:

CincoDeMayonnaise55 − NTA - You are not his secretary. If all the information is available to him, and he refuses to look it up himself, that's on him. Have you asked him why he thinks it's your responsibility?

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missmistryl − NTA. He's passing off all the mental work of managing your household to you. He has the luxury of not needing to coordinate/remember anything because he expects you to have it. And it IS work.

If it wasn't, people wouldn't need project managers. If he's allowed to forget everything constantly, so are you. Maybe try asking him when some events/appointments are. When he says he doesn't know, ask him to check the calendar and let you know. :)

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bibliophile14 − NTA. It's well known that women shoulder the vast majority of the mental load. [Here's a comic you should show your husband] 

[Reddit User] − NTA. You're his wife, not his personal assistant, and tools exist to help him with all of this. He could save the school login and password in his web browser, or could use a password manager like Dashlane or 1Password. And if you're going to the trouble of keeping and updating a family calendar, then he should get in the habit of just checking the damn calendar before asking you.

the_evilpenguin − NTA 'Wifework' is a real thing and it sounds like you're pushing back on letting him dump the mental load on you. Do you sort out all gifts for the kids? Sort out all gifts for his family? Ensure all food shopping is done, what to buy and what to cook?

Deal with all utilities, book any tradesmen who do any work to your house and ensure you know your kids schedules, who their friends are, what they're doing? If you have any pets, is it your responsibility to ensure they go to the vets on time? Ensure they've got any food?

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It's scary how many women blindly do so much drudgery and don't even realise their partner had checked out and is happy for them to deal with so much of the mental load. Good for you for pushing back. If he wants to know, he can remember the password..... After all, I bet he manages to remember everything in regards to his work, doesn't he?

RoyallyOakie − NTA...his refusal to remember is pure laziness. Assuming he doesn't have an actual mental issue, it's a waste of time and energy if you have to tell someone that same things repeatedly.

Effulgencey − NTA. Yeah, this is him fostering his own incompetence, good on you for not indulging it. What would he do if you died? Just not know how to do anything? Nah, he'd figure it out. He needs to unpack some of his entitlement.

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CandylandCanada − NTA. Who’s the parent and who’s the child here? Under what theory is your refusal to repeat basic information to a grown man “lazy and selfish”? Should you keep telling him every few days... forever? How would that encourage him to get it together? He understands that he is the parent who is supposed to use the calendar to assist \*the children\*, right?

PugRexia − NTA He is the lazy one for not wanting to look up the information himself. You aren't lazy for not encouraging his laziness.

[Reddit User] − NTA- you even teach children to stop the 'are we there yet?' and 'when is...' over and over again. He can make sure on his own.

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These opinions pack a punch, but do they mirror real-world dynamics? Or is Reddit just a chorus of “you go, girl” cheerleaders?

These opinions pack a punch, but do they mirror real-world dynamics? Or is Reddit just a chorus of “you go, girl” cheerleaders?This story of a wife fed up with playing secretary strikes a chord with anyone juggling a household’s mental load. Her stand isn’t just about passwords or calendars—it’s about fairness and partnership. The Reddit crowd cheers her on, but the real challenge lies in her husband stepping up. What would you do if you were in her shoes? Share your thoughts—have you ever had to draw a line like this in your own life?

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