AITA for not giving my husband a baby right now?

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In a cozy European apartment, with moving boxes still tucked in corners, a 33-year-old woman clutches her coffee, her thoughts in a tangle. Her husband’s eager gaze pushes for a baby, but she’s haunted by their unsteady life—another move looms, destination unknown. Their young marriage crackles with tension as she craves stability, while he demands a timeline.

Reddit buzzes with takes on her hesitation: is she wise to wait or stalling his dreams? This story of clashing clocks captures the heart of many couples’ dilemmas. As she juggles school plans and his urgency, their tale invites us to question when the time is right for life’s biggest step.

‘AITA for not giving my husband a baby right now?’

So we've been married for just shy of 3 years now and my husband is really getting on my case to have a baby. To give you readers a sense of 'getting on my case' I mean like asking for a deadline on when to start trying and questinioning me on going back to school because that means that babies might be delayed. I've stated that I do want to have kids but not right this second.

My main concern is that there is A LOT in instability and uncertainty in our lives right now. His job has taken us to live in Europe for 3 years and in a year we will be moving again, but we don't know where to yet. I want to wait until there's a little more certainty in life and to know that I'm going to have a good support system in place because he travels for work for long periods of time.

His response to all of that is 'I don't want to wait anymore' and 'people do this all the time' and 'it's not fair to him' Now I understand that there is no perfect time to have babies however I'm a firm believer that if your gut is telling you that it's not a good time, then it's not a good time. So am I the a**hole?

UPDATE: honestly I'm surprised on how fast post took off. I am seeing a lot of the same INFO requests. So let me clarify.. Age: me 33, him 30. We did have extensive discussions prior to and after our marriage. We both agreed that we wanted to have time together before we brought kids into the picture. He was planning on switching careers to create a more stable life to start a family.

He has since changed his mind on that which means lots of moving and moving away from friends and family for the foreseeable future. As for my education, that was also discussed extensively but was put on hold because of financial constraints. Until lately.. YES I want children and no I'm not stringing him along.. Did I miss anything?

Choosing when to start a family can feel like navigating a foggy road. Her reluctance, tied to constant moves and her husband’s long work trips, clashes with his impatience. She seeks a stable foundation, while he sees her caution as a delay, creating a rift in their shared vision.

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This reflects a broader struggle: timing parenthood amid uncertainty. Studies show many women delay due to unstable lifestyles, prioritizing support systems. Her concerns about isolation, especially with another move, are reasonable, as raising a child alone during his absences feels daunting.

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, says, “Trust is built in the small moments of understanding and respect.” Her husband’s dismissal of her fears risks breaking that trust, as his pressure sidelines her need for security. His argument that “people do this all the time” overlooks her reality.

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They should discuss their fears openly, perhaps setting a timeline that respects her need for stability and his desire for a family. Counseling could bridge their gap, fostering mutual understanding. Collaborative decisions strengthen bonds, ensuring both feel valued.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit’s hive mind didn’t hold back, delivering a mix of empathy and tough love. Here’s a peek at the community’s takes:

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ThisHairIsOnFire − NTA. As the person who will be carrying said baby and most likely being the care provider, it's your choice too. Stability and support is a must with children. It's a mutual decision and I'd really question your relationship if he's not listening to what are very valid reasons to wait.

And I'm not sure if he's the kind, but make sure he doesn't try and sabotage any contraception just to get his way. Edit: just a heads up with the last point. The only reason I've mentioned this is because I've seen other posts where this has been the case and yes if it were to occur it would be s**ual a**ault.

I don't know these people, I don't know what runs through OP's husband's head. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. I've mentioned it as a precaution. OP has to decide if that is the kind of man she has married. We didn't get asked to judge that. If this has happened to you, I sincerely apologise if it felt downplayed. It was merely a precautionary mention to OP.

kotominammy − NTA, if you've told your husband you don't want to have kids now he should get off your case. Pressuring you like that just isn't right.

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Dinoscores − NTA. You guys should BOTH be ready before taking that step, and he should not be pressuring you. Did you discuss any kind of desired timelines for kids before you married?

Reverend_Vader − I'm going NAH. I can't argue with your position, I was in exactly the same boat where your child wanting hubby was my wife in the same scenario. To me it was simply too uncertain to bring another kid into play, she wanted another child.

Without knowing how much of a d**k he is being about it, I see his requests as reasonable if discussed properly (think if the question was, my SO wants a firm timeline on getting married, moving in, buying a house etc.) In many ways these are reasonable requests for either party to have where it is reasonable to give some indication.

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Your both just at opposite ends of the spectrum and need to work though it. Yes, you're both in control of having a child as it still needs 2 people to agree, you have the final decision in this instance as you can control if you get pregnant or not, just I as in control of not getting my wife pregnant when the roles were reversed

Abeyita − NTA why does he even want a kid if he doesn't care about it enough to want to have a stable situation to have the baby in first.

taschana − * You are never an a**hole for not giving someone a baby. * You would be the a**hole if you lied about wanting a baby just so you two stayed together though you know you wouldn't fit together.. * You are not the a**hole for wanting to go to school.. * School and baby are difficult but possible.. * There is never a 'stable enough' or 'perfect' moment to have kids.

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Take a bit of time/space to yourself and ask yourself why you are so scared of having a baby now. Do you trust your husband? Do you think he will be a great partner in raising a kid or do you already expect to do it alone? Do you WANT to have a kid?

Does your husband pressure you into other things often? Does he require you to make life choices for his own comfort? Is this just the biggest manifestation of red flags, or is it really his deepest wish in life to be so rude about it? (Even if it was, he shouldn't be pressuring you into it as he is! That's why my judgement is NTA.)

[Reddit User] − INFO. Age?

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Xenethra − NTA you have valid concerns about having a baby, and your husband ignoring them and pushing you to have a baby is frankly makes him the A-hole in this situation.. Your husband needs to work *with* you on this situation, and shouldn't be handwaving your (imo) valid concerns.

Yangoose − YTA because you are lying to everyone, possibly including yourself. You don't want to have a baby. I don't know if you ever did but you definitely don't want to now. Look at the title you chose for this post. Giving your husband a baby? It's not a house plant. You don't 'give' him a baby.

You decide as a couple that you want to have a child together.  YOU DON'T WANT A BABY.. You owe it to your husband to be honest. **Choosing to have children is possibly the biggest decision anyone can make in life and you are robbing your husband of that decision.**

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You are in your 30's. He has a right to know if a baby is never going to happen so he can decide for himself if he's OK with that or if he needs to move on to a relationship with someone else who wants the same things out of life that he does.

If you really did want to have a baby you would have established clearly what your criteria are (like living close to extended family, or him having a job with less travel) but you are purposefully keeping it vague so no matter what he does you can keep claiming that 'it's not the right time' and get exactly what you want out of the marriage while completely screwing him over.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Initially I wanted to say NAH, because his desire for children is very understandable, but it sounds like he's being kind of a d**k about it and instead of telling you how much it means to him, or even conveying to you that it could be a deal-breaker to him if it doesn't happen soon, he is instead pressuring you and guilt-tripping you.

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These opinions spark a question: do they mirror real-world complexities, or are they just keyboard courage? Either way, the debate shows how deeply personal yet universal this dilemma is.

This couple’s story reminds us that love doesn’t always sync schedules. Her caution clashes with his impatience, but both are chasing a shared dream—just on different clocks. Reddit’s split opinions show there’s no easy answer, but her gut instinct deserves respect. What would you do if life’s uncertainties held you back from a major decision? Share your thoughts—have you faced a similar tug-of-war in your relationship?

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