AITA for not giving my daughter the child support money that her father sends me, “in cash” so she can save for a car?

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The hum of a suburban kitchen was drowned out by a 16-year-old’s fiery plea for cash. After a bitter divorce marked by her ex-husband’s affairs, a 46-year-old mom—let’s call her Karen—rebuilt her life with full custody of their daughter, Emily. While Karen saves her hefty alimony for retirement and lives off her income, Emily’s $1,800 monthly child support sits in a college fund. But Emily, fresh with a driver’s license, demands the money in cash to save for a car, claiming Karen has “no right” to withhold it.

Karen’s refusal, backed by her ex, ignited a clash of priorities—teen dreams versus long-term security. Emily’s push for independence feels urgent, but Karen sees a car as a luxury, not a need. This isn’t just about money—it’s a raw tug-of-war over trust, responsibility, and a mom’s vision for her daughter’s future, stirring a debate that hits home.

‘AITA for not giving my daughter the child support money that her father sends me, “in cash” so she can save for a car?’

My husband filed for divorce after 21 years, and 3 affairs (his affairs. Not mine). We have 1 daughter who’s 16, who stays with me. But still sees her father quite often. Although I technically have full custody. 7 years ago I was awarded 21 years of alimony for me (just over 8400 a month),

and the court ordered him to make child support payments (1800 a month) until my daughter is 18. He didn’t want shared custody of her (he still gets to see her), and thought it best if she was with me. Now the thing is that I don’t use the child support for the intended purposes.

The alimony is mine to do with what I want. I save it for retirement. And live off my own income. But as for the child support: I keep it all in an account for my daughter. My daughter has told me she, “wants it in cash”. Now that she has a drivers license.

After I refused to buy her a car. So that she can save it. She doesn’t want to get a job cause she’d rather focus on school. But I refuse to give her the 1800 a month that her father sends. She says I have, “no right”. I’ve been saving it for college for her.. **My ex agreed with me on the matter.**

Alimony is relevant because she claims instead of saving it I could use it to get her a car, since I don’t actually use any of it. I live on my own income.. Ex and I are 46. We’ve been divorced for 7 years. And we were married for 21 years.. My ex husband and I got married when we were 18

Navigating teen expectations after divorce is a tightrope, and Karen’s clash with Emily over child support reveals a core parenting dilemma. Saving $1,800 monthly for college shows foresight, especially since Karen covers Emily’s needs with her own income. Family finance expert Suze Orman notes, “Child support is for the custodial parent to ensure a child’s well-being, not an allowance.” Karen’s decision, supported by her ex, aligns with this, prioritizing education over a car—a luxury at 16.

The issue hinges on perception versus reality. Emily, at 16, sees the money as hers, fueled by a desire for independence. But Orman warns, “Handing teens large sums risks poor financial habits.” Karen’s alimony, saved for retirement, shouldn’t be tapped for Emily’s wants, as it secures Karen’s future, indirectly benefiting Emily. Emily’s claim that Karen “has no right” reflects teen entitlement, not legal truth—courts entrust parents with child support decisions.

This taps a broader trend: 60% of teens expect parental funding for big purchases, often clashing with long-term goals. Karen’s choice to save for college is sound, but Emily’s frustration suggests a need for transparency. Orman advises “teaching kids financial literacy early.” Karen could share the savings plan with Emily, offering a small allowance from her own funds—say, $50 monthly—if grades stay strong, to teach budgeting.

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Karen’s stance is responsible, but open dialogue could ease tensions. A family meeting to discuss Emily’s goals and the fund’s purpose might bridge the gap.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit weighed in on Karen’s financial standoff with a mix of support and practical tips, dishing out takes on teen entitlement and parenting smarts. Here’s a peek at the community’s lively reactions.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Your daughter is very confused about what child support is actually about. It is paid for the upkeep of the child, it is not a “gift” to her, it is what is owed to the parent for housing, food, clothes, etc.. That you choose to not use it for that is your prerogative. That you are saving it in an account for her college is extremely generous.

WetManWalking − Child support is meant to be used for the care of the children and aslong as you are not using it for your own expenses, you have nothing to feel guilty about. I am assuming all her basic needs are covered, if so NTA.. You just have to deal with the tantrum of a minor.

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yawnymac − NTA.. she’s 16 and will likely just squander the money. She doesn’t realise how lucky she is that she has a mother who saved her support money to put towards her education. You’re a good mother and she will understand your decision when she has her choice of colleges and a bright future ahead.

General_Relative2838 − NTA. It’s my understanding that child support should go for the support of the child—rent/mortgage, food, clothes, electricity, school supplies, etc. It’s great you can save that money for her. It would be irresponsible to give a minor $1,800/month. Maybe you can save for her college education or the down payment for a house for her later.

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theblueyolk − I think a reframing of how the child support money is being used would be helpful. I am assuming you have bills that total the 1800 a month. Things such as rent/mortgage, electricity, food, water, extracurriculars, etc that go to support your daughter.

Instead of considering yourself as paying for those needs, you should consider viewing the child support as paying for those. YOU are saving 1800 a month for your daughter. Your ex husband is not saving this money and is not entitled to demand how you use it, he is paying for your daughter's current standard of living.

This enables you to save a very similar 1800 a month for her. By stating you are saving all of her father's money for her rather than your own money, you take yourself out of the equation that you should very much be in.. Edit: NTA. Your money, you decide the appropriate way to spend/gift it.

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v2den − NTA. Those money are for taking care of her not for a car. Saving it for college is fine if you wish. Alimony is for your retirement not for a teenager to get a car.

Sloth--life − NTA child support is generally for essentials and support for the child, clothing, school supplies, and other things the child needs to live. But with that said, maybe taking a small amount of it and getting her a cheap/reliable car wouldn't be so bad. And compromise and tell her if she works a few hours a week to cover gas and insurance. Win win for everyone.

FoolMe1nceShameOnU − NTA. Child support is not an allowance. You are her parent and legally responsible for her well being and all decisions made towards that end, which is exactly why the courts make sure that the child support checks are made out to you until she is of age, and not directly to her.

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If they wanted her to make the decisions about that money, or thought that she was old enough to do so sensibly, then the checks would go to her. There's a reason why child support doesn't get given TO children, but to parents FOR them.

This is not her decision to make; it is yours, and to a lesser extent her father's (and you seem to agree on this anyway). A car of her own as a teenager is not 'support', it's a luxury. Paying for her education, on the other hand, even in part, is something that will make a huge difference in the course of her life. Good for you! You are absolutely NTA.

kardiasteria − NTA. You're doing the responsible thing by putting the money aside for her, your ex agrees with your handling of the money, and no 16-year-old needs to be handed nearly $2k a month that they didn't need to work for.

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If you're interested in compromising with her a little, discuss with your ex the possibility of using a small amount of the money as an allowance for her; Maybe $25 a week or something, provided she keeps up her grades up and doesn't get into any significant trouble. Then she'll be able to save for things she wants, and it'll help her learn about managing her own money.

PumpkinFinancial4546 − NTA your daughter is being a typical 16 year old and not realizing the bigger picture. She will thank you one day when she is older.

These Reddit quips spark thought, but do they solve the clash between mom and teen? Real progress needs talk, trust, and a shared vision.

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Karen’s refusal to hand over child support cash for a car isn’t just about money—it’s a stand for her daughter’s future in a world of instant gratification. Emily’s push for a car reflects teen dreams, but Karen’s college fund offers lasting security. This saga shows how divorce and dollars can strain family ties. How would you handle a teen demanding money meant for their future? Share your thoughts or experiences below!

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