AITA for not giving my daughter more money?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a bustling suburban home, the air crackles with teenage tension as back-to-school shopping season hits. A parent, strapped for cash but determined to teach fiscal responsibility, hands their daughters, Jaclyn and Juliana, equal budgets for new clothes. Jaclyn, the savvy 17-year-old, scours clearance racks like a treasure hunter, while 15-year-old Juliana, with a taste for trendy jeans, burns through her funds fast. When Juliana demands more money, the parent’s firm “no” sparks a fiery tantrum, leaving the family in a standoff.

The drama unfolds as Juliana sulks, refusing to speak, while her grandmother calls the parent harsh. Readers are drawn into this relatable clash of parenting principles and teenage expectations, wondering: is the parent teaching a tough but valuable lesson, or pushing too hard? The story taps into the universal struggle of balancing love, discipline, and tight purse strings, setting the stage for a lively debate on Reddit’s AITA forum.

‘AITA for not giving my daughter more money?’

I have my daughters Jaclyn (17) and Juliana (15) each $150 for school clothes (doesn’t include bras or underwear) and $60 for shoes. Partly because I want them to learn how to budget and partly because money is tight and this is all I can give them.

I told them that this is all I can afford and if they want anything else, they have to pay for it themselves. Jaclyn wanted to make her money stretch as much as possible and raided clearance racks, looked for sales, and went to Ross and goodwill.

So far, she’s gotten 3 pairs of pants, 6 shirts, and 3 pairs of shoes and she hasn’t spent $100 yet. Juliana spent $100 on 2 pairs of jeans and $30 on a hoodie. She came to me on Monday and told me she needs more money for shirts.

I told her I can’t do that and if she spent all of the money I gave her, she’ll have to pay for the rest of her clothes herself (she has a part time job so I know she has enough money). She threw a tantrum because she won’t shop at discount stores and doesn’t want to pay for her clothes with her money. She’s refusing to talk to me and my mom said I’m being an a**hole.

Parenting teenagers is like navigating a minefield with a budget spreadsheet in hand. This story highlights a classic clash: teaching financial responsibility while managing emotional outbursts. The parent’s approach—equal budgets for both daughters—aims to foster independence, but Juliana’s struggle suggests a gap in guidance. Jaclyn’s thrift-store success shows experience, while Juliana’s impulsive spending reflects her younger age and limited budgeting skills.

Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist and parenting expert, notes, “Teenagers need scaffolding to learn complex skills like budgeting. Without guidance, they may flounder, leading to frustration” (source: Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids). Juliana’s tantrum likely stems from inexperience, not defiance. Her age and limited job opportunities, as noted by Reddit, mean she faces steeper challenges than Jaclyn, who may have more shopping savvy and mobility.

This situation reflects a broader issue: financial literacy among teens. A 2023 study by the National Financial Educators Council found that 65% of teens lack basic budgeting skills (source: NFEC Report). Parents must balance firm boundaries with active teaching, especially for younger teens. Juliana’s reliance on pricier stores suggests she needs help prioritizing needs over wants.

For solutions, the parent could guide Juliana through a budgeting plan, perhaps shopping together to spot deals. Online tools like Klarna or thrift apps can stretch dollars further. Open communication about financial limits can also ease tensions, ensuring Juliana feels supported, not judged. This approach builds skills while maintaining fairness to Jaclyn.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s armchair judges didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of spicy takes and sage advice. Here’s what the community had to say about this family fiasco:

Jstrat92 − NTA. You told them in advance. Your job as a parent is to set them up for success and budgeting is a good lesson, I WISH my parents would have done more of that with me. And ignore your mom. They’re your kids not hers. Edit, thanks all for the awards!. Second edit- leaving my response for reference but changing to YTA based on information in a comment by u/noschistscirloc

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doctortellmewhy − NTA. Also please don’t budge on this, otherwise you will be teaching the exact opposite of what you intended to — and it wouldn’t be fair on Jaclyn. Just a thought though is that Juliana may need a little more guidance considering she’s 15 and clearly doesn’t know how to budget — perhaps consider going shopping with her in the future?

Jazzlike_Humor3340 − INFO How much experience does your younger daughter have in shopping for herself, as opposed to you buying things for her? (I know at that age, I was just beginning to shop without a parent.) There is a pretty big difference in experience in handling and budgeting money between 17 and 15 years old, sometimes.

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Kids don't magically learn how to budget when given money for a purpose. It is a skill that is learned and taught. If you've taught her how to plan her needs, prioritize what she needs, and divide the money to make it last, that's fine. But if you've always been with her and handled the money, just dumping this task on her without expressly teaching the required skills isn't right.

Plus, given child labor laws, a 15 year old has far fewer options for making their own money than a 17 year old. That's something that a parent needs to keep in mind. A sink-or-swim situation is a rather bad teaching method, compared to actually breaking down the steps of the task and teaching it.

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You seem to have given two kids with different ages, different levels of experience with money, and different opportunities to make their own money the exact same task, without consideration of their somewhat different stages in life.

If you've taken the time to teach your younger daughter these skills in the past, so that this situation was a natural progression in her learning, that's fine. If you just handed her money when she's never had to manage a shopping task of this scope before, that's setting her up for failure.

slydog4100 − Julianna is learning a valuable lesson in choices having consequences. You told them what you could afford and what would happen if they exceeded your budget. One of your daughters understood and shopped in such a way as to maximize her purchase power.

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The other wanted labels and expects you to bail her out for her poor planning. Stick to your guns mom. It's your job to be an 'a**hole' now so that your kid learns how to be a well adjusted adult later. You are NTA

veggiewitch_ − NAH. $150 for clothes and $60 for shoes for the school year really doesn't go that far. It's great one of your kids found a ton of sales and clearance items, but be realistic here. If their school requires separate gym shoes, there goes their entire shoe budget on just necessary gym shoes.

And 60 bucks is a good deal for gym shoes.. Decent pants that won't be ruined in less than 2 months cost 40-80 bucks. Tops are 15-30 bucks, let's average, though I haven't shopped for new clothes in years because I can't afford them (hell, even thrifting sometimes I am shocked by how high the prices are).

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15 bucks for tee-shirts, 30 bucks (or more) for warmer winter tops. The fact she found a hoodie (a fall and spring jacket, plus layering for winter) for 30 bucks is a deal. Hoodies are usually 45-60 from what I've seen now. A school year also encompasses 3 seasons; do they already have winter coats that fit?

Do you live in an area with significant seasonal differences in weather? I mean, s**t, I wear scrubs for work and I spend 20 bucks per top and 30-40 bucks per bottom, and these are the cheaper options (I work with animals, so I do need durable ones, not flimsy cheap ones)- 5 days (one week) of work costs $300.00 before tax, and they need to be replaced every 6-8 months.

Clothes that are in style (and fit, and are appropriate) for teen girls at thrift stores can be difficult to find, especially depending on the size of your 15 year old depending on where you live. Did her older sister offer to take her with when she goes bargain hunting? Did you offer to go with and teach her how to figure out how to budget?

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Even just go online and hunt for deals after going to the mall and writing down things she liked? There are so many options, and she's fifteen. Now is the time to teach her, not just give her money and say 'figure it out' and when she fails you say 'tough s**t' rather than 'let's make sure we make this work because this is all I am able to give you for clothes.'. ​eta:

also, how much time does the 15 year old have? She already has a part time job, does she also have extracurriculars? Then school + homework and study, going out and looking for all those clothing sales would be time consuming, especially if no one is driving her, so that could be another part of it.

To be clear, you aren't an a**hole! Nobody in the situation is. She shouldn't throw a tantrum, but...she's fifteen. I get it. You asked her to do something even people twice her age struggle to do and it doesn't seem you actually supported her through the process. So, how about a do over, with more support from her parent?

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mmtittle − nta. both of your daughters got the same amount, it’s not like you gave her sister more. if she’s not willing to buy cheaper/discount clothes then it’s not an a**hole move to ask her to supplement the additional cost.

Kittenn1412 − Possibly YTA. Not for the limited budget and not budging on it, but for giving your girls such a strict budget and then releasing them into the wild alone.. Partly because I want them to learn how to budget. Then you needed to teach them, actively, not just give them the money and let them learn their own lesson.

Budging is a skill that needs to be learned, and sometimes that means it needs to be *taught*, specifically. Jaclyn is older and you can't hold Juliana to the same standard of just knowing, without instruction, the stuff that Jaclyn has already learned-- yes, Juliana isn't a baby anymore, but she does have a less-formed brain that Jaclyn and that's just a fact.

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So you absolutely should have shopped with her, discussed her purchases and their consequences, and shown her ways to make the money stretch further by comparison to the items that she was initially drawn to. I also have to ask-- Jaclyn was able to do this by hitting more places, so is she able to drive herself?

Part of being able to budget so tightly is definitely dependent on being able to go to a bunch of different places to compare prices, which younger teenagers who are yet to be able to drive themselves to and from those places is a lot more difficult. ALSO: what clothing sizes are they? Because getting nice clothes for cheap absolutely depends on your size.

Some sizes never hit clearance racks the way the standard medium does. Extreme sizes from any end of the spectrum-- very skinny or plus sized, petite or very tall-- tend to not hit the clearance racks and the goodwill the same way that 'medium' always does.

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In terms of why it's not on clearance, it's because stores stock less of the sizes from those ends of the spectrum because the market is smaller, and then those people buy at full price because there's nothing for them on the clearance rack, so then next time stuff goes on clearance there's nothing in those sizes left, rise lather and repeat.

And because when you buy stuff at high prices and it was harder to find, you're more attached to the item, you tend to wear it until it's unwearable rather than donating it to goodwill when you're bored of the item, meaning a lot less clothing in those sizes end up at secondhand stores,

and the fact that the stock is so limited they sell out quickly-- not to mention that a lot of people with sewing skills will shop in larger sizes at goodwill if they find something cute and just tailor it to fit or use a large item to make something completely new,

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in terms of plus sized clothing or clothing made for taller women, further reducing the amount of clothing in those sizes for those people to find at goodwill. (Though small sizes obviously don't have that competition).

cammarinne − INFO: how did each daughter get to the stores? Can 17 year old Jaclyn drive herself around bargain hunting while 15 year old Juliana is reliant on rides?

xcher14 − After reading a couple more of your comments on this thread I don't think anyone is the a**hole tbh. You've mentioned the 17 year old has clothes from past years, and thats great. But I don't think (I'm just assuming) the 15 year old will have the same amount of clothing from previous years.

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Also how much money did you give the 17y/o for clothes shopping when she was 15? Has it always been a set amount of $150 for clothing and $60 for shoes? Personally I've never had an issue with bargain/ thrift shopping I always find great deals until it comes to jeans. Jeans that fit well and that fit comfortably are hard as hell to find.

JeepersCreepers74 − NTA. You would be TA to Jaclyn if you gave Juliana more money.

These Reddit hot takes range from cheering the parent’s tough love to urging more support for Juliana. But do they capture the full picture, or are they just keyboard warriors weighing in?

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This tale of budgets and blowups shows parenting is no walk in the mall. The parent’s stand teaches a lesson, but Juliana’s struggle begs for more guidance. Balancing fairness and growth is tricky—Jaclyn’s thriftiness shines, but Juliana’s inexperience needs nurturing. What would you do in this parent’s shoes? Share your thoughts—have you faced a similar clash with teens or budgets? Drop your story below and let’s keep the conversation going!

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