AITA for not giving my daughter her own room?

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In a cozy 800-square-foot Toronto home, a family of four navigates the tight squeeze of city living, where every inch feels like a precious commodity. A mother, caught between her teenage daughter’s plea for privacy and the unyielding reality of a million-dollar housing market, faces a tough call. Her 16-year-old daughter, craving a room of her own, clashes with the family’s cramped quarters, where she shares a bunk bed with her 14-year-old brother. The tension is palpable, and the mother’s refusal to prioritize one child over the other has sparked a fiery Reddit debate.

This AITA post unveils a struggle that’s all too familiar in urban centers—balancing family needs with financial constraints. Redditors have chimed in with passion, some slamming the parents, others sympathizing with their plight. Let’s dive into this compact yet complex family drama, explore the community’s takes, and unpack the deeper issues at play.

‘AITA for not giving my daughter her own room?’

So I (f38) my husband (m39) and our 2 kids (f16) and (m14) live in an 800 sqft house in Toronto. We would really like to get a bigger house but a 1000 sqft house in this city costs at least $1m so that is completely off the table.

The house that we live in has 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom and 1 kitchen/living room. My husband and I live in one of the bedrooms while my daughter and son live in the other one. Both of the bedrooms are the same size and are rather small but my husband and I are both grown adults and we can both fit together in one of the rooms just fine.

The problem now is that my daughter thinks that her room is too small and doesn't want to share it with her younger brother. I asked her about what she wanted to do about this problem and she suggested that her brother moves to the living room couch but I said that I cant just kick him out of his room because his sister wants it for herself.

I suggested that we could put up office-style cubicle dividers or a curtain to divide the room in two if she wants privacy but then we both realized that this would be a bad idea since they both share a bunk bed since the room is way too small to realistically fit 2 beds.

So, in the end I told her that she can either stay in the room with her brother or she can be the one who moves to the living room since it wouldn't be fair to kick him out because she wants his room to herself. I understand that she wants more space and privacy but what can I do?. So, AITA?. 

This family’s cramped quarters highlight a universal parenting challenge: balancing individual needs in a constrained environment. The daughter’s push for privacy is valid, but the mother’s hands are tied by Toronto’s brutal housing market. Dr. Laurence Steinberg, a developmental psychologist, notes in a 2022 Child Development article, “Adolescents need private spaces to foster autonomy, especially as they navigate identity formation” . For a 16-year-old girl sharing a room with her 14-year-old brother, the lack of personal space can feel stifling, especially during puberty.

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The mother’s suggestion to move her daughter to the living room feels like a compromise, but it unfairly burdens one child. Conversely, the daughter’s idea to displace her brother ignores his equal need for space. A 2023 CMHC report underscores the crisis: Toronto’s average home price exceeds $1.1 million, making larger homes unattainable for many . This family’s stuck in a systemic bind, not a personal failing.

Steinberg’s research suggests creative solutions like physical boundaries can mimic privacy. The mother could explore bunk beds with privacy curtains or modular dividers to carve out personal zones without sacrificing fairness. Long-term, investigating affordable suburbs or rentals might ease the strain. For now, family discussions to validate both teens’ needs could reduce tension.

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Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit brought the heat, dishing out sympathy, tough love, and creative fixes. Here’s what they had to say:

mnbvcxz1052 − YTA. You and your husband should move to the living room. It’s *your* life choices that are preventing your kids from having a healthy amount of room to help them develop a sense of individuality and autonomy.

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Your son and daughter’s quality of life needs to be a priority. I understand that you can’t afford a house where you’re living, but for the sake of these kids (the lack of privacy for two teens of different genders is going to get extremely awkward, if not already- my guess is they’ve been hiding their discomfort from you)

you might want to consider moving to a place where *ALL* members of your family can thrive.. *bracing for downvotes* ETA: my dad gave up his room for me during a time in my youth when we (he) could only afford a one bedroom apartment, so I admit I could be biased.. ETA2: partition off the living room. There are ways to solve this.

Yellobrix − NAH... mostly. The problem at these ages is that they *both* need privacy. It's a squeeze, but I totally believe it's possible to partition the room. Get lofted beds with storage underneath, so they don't need a dresser.

And buy not one, but two 'white noise' machines - about $40 US for a top quality model as used in a therapist's office. If building a firm but temporary wall isn't practical, use something like Eclipse black-out curtains.

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Be sensitive to the possiblity that in their teens, both of your children are s**ually aware. There's bound to be some discomfort they expect you to understand without them needing to explicitly spell it out for you.

KatzAKat − YTA. Each of your children deserve their own space, privacy, autonomy and respect. You and your husband can move into the living room since you're the ones with the choice to live there.

Philaleche − Look, I get it 16 years and 9 months ago you couldn't have predicted you would be where you are now.. You don't have the money or the credit to move.. You don't have the money or the credit to add on to your current home. Can you and your husband live in the living room for the next year or two until your daughter graduates and moves out?

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tyromania − This is a NAH situation. Canada’s housing market is a disaster area and harming families like yours. I assume you’re not poor and in another era you’d have been able to buy a larger house for your family, but that’s not an option right now. But a family of four sharing 800 sqft isn’t easy and I can see why your daughter is unhappy and needs privacy.

g-rocklobster − Evidently you only care about finding out the answer because you immediately shoot down any and all suggestions so here's the answer to the question: YTA. You interested in the long answer?

Reading the original post I was only marginally going to say that YTA and that was only because of poor planning in the past knowing you had kids that would - at some point - need privacy. But reading the comments, seeing you shoot down suggestions left and right made me reconsider.

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Here's the reality, both those kids are hitting puberty. They're both going to be ... discovering their own bodies to put it politely and in a shared bedroom is really not the ideal situation. You're putting them both in uncomfortable situations.

The way I see it you have two options: * Sell your current place and get a 3/2 (or even 3/1) condo or house. If you're saying that it'll cost $1m plus, it's because you're being extremely picky. You can get a 3/2 condo for <$300k. Is it ideal? Of course not.

But you're kids aren't going to suffering through puberty trying to hide their bodies from each other. It was mentioned that you're in the Toronto area. A quick search on Trulia shows PLENTY of housing that would accomodate rooms for each kid for far less than $1m.

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* Fix the garage up for one of them to stay in. This can be done affordably. Frankly, if you combine it with the first option (sell and buy a 3/2 or 3/1 place) you really won't have to put anything into the conversion.

It's summer up there, put a fan, their bed and dresser, maybe a clothing rack and let them stay in that while you put the house up for sale and buy the new place. By the time winter hits, you should be in the new place and all will be happy.

* The truly unpopular option but if the first two don't work, you really should consider this: your daughter gets your room, you and your partner get the living room. Yep, it sucks royally

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there's no doubt. But you're the parents, you gotta make sacrifices sometimes. And if you can't make the sacrifice to move to a place that gives them their space, at least give up YOUR space for them.

jammy913 − Yeah YTA. You should have had arrangements to give them privacy a long time ago, honestly. I can't imagine having to share a room with my brother. But it's also understandable if you just can't afford it.

A partition in the room for when they aren't actually sleeping is probably a great idea. There are also bunk beds with privacy curtains too. There is a solution besides making your daughter leave the room altogether, you just need to find it.

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SpaceCowgirl34 − Unconventional idea- they could rotate who has the room. One week daughter has it and son is on the couch and the next they switch. It’s not ideal, but I understand wanting to have your own space at 16. This way both of them can have some time to themselves instead of never having time to themselves.. NTA and please keep us updated!

floofypantaloon − What my friend did was put the bunk bed in the middle of the room and then use board to block off the top bed from one side ( so one kid can still get in the bottom bunk )

and the bottom bed from the other side with a ladder so the other kid could climb up to the top bunk- it split the room in half using the bed and gave both kids their privacy. Alternatively, could you tent in each bed like a capsule Hotel bed?

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Revolutionary-Yak-47 − NAH. I grew up poor (not Reddit teen poor, like 'the teens get summer jobs to buy clothes and school stuff' poor). I shared a 9x10 room until I moved out at 18. It sucked, and I 'got privacy' by staying up to do homework in the living room after everyone went to sleep.

But my parents absolutely could not afford a bigger house and did not qualify for a loan. Poverty sucks hardcore, and no one's an a**hole for wanting more space but for millions of us who were not middle class, it's just a reality.

These Reddit hot takes range from calling out the parents to brainstorming bunk-bed hacks. They’re spicy and opinionated, but do they offer practical solutions or just point fingers? The debate’s a mixed bag, reflecting the complexity of this family’s dilemma.

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This mother’s story captures the heart of urban family life—where dreams of space collide with harsh realities. Her refusal to favor one child over the other shows fairness, but the teens’ need for privacy can’t be ignored. Creative tweaks like privacy curtains or shared compromises could bridge the gap, but the real issue is a housing market squeezing families dry. Have you faced similar space struggles with family or roommates? What clever solutions worked for you? Share below and let’s keep this convo alive!

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