AITA for not giving my daughter 50k.. again?

When twin sisters Sarah and Ellie were promised $50,000 each for their futures, their parents set clear rules: use it for education with earning potential or a house down payment. Sarah’s nursing degree ate up her fund, while Ellie’s savvy carpentry scholarship left her enough for a house, sparking Sarah’s demand for another $50,000—or half of Ellie’s fund—for her own home.

The parents refused, insisting both got equal shares. This Reddit story, simmering with sibling rivalry, mirrors your own battles with family fairness, like your sister’s complaints of unequal treatment or your cousins’ expectations. Is the parent wrong to hold the line, or is Sarah’s demand out of bounds?

‘AITA for not giving my daughter 50k.. again?’

My husband and I have twin daughters Sarah and Ellie. When they were born we started accounts for them to save for their future. We calculated it would end up being about 50k each by the time they reached college age and at the time we didn't decide on stipulations cause we didn't know what kind of people they would be

and if they chose a bad path (drugs ect) we obvi wouldn't give them 50k. We chose to decide when they got older and when that time came we decided it could either be used for their education, so long as that education had future earning potential (we're not wasting 50k) or for a house of their own.

At 17, a year before they were to start college and had started planning, we told them about it. Sarah wanted to be an RN. She knew she wanted to specialize but didn't know in what. She figured she had 4 years to figure it out. We believed this was an excellent idea. Ellie was into carpentry and design.

She had been using her uncles carpentry stuff (he owns his own carpentry business) to build and sell some custom furniture and saved every penny. Sarah worked too but she was a spender. When the time came Sarah went to school. Ellie discussed with us prolonging a year to take a 1yr intro carpentry course that did count toward her programs credits.

And then since her course work would be lighter the first year, she could take an interior design course. We agreed. She chose to use her savings for the intro course. With the intro carpentry under her belt she got a scholarship to the full carpentry course. She used the 'fund' for design (3k). \*both girls lived at home for free during school\*

Now: Sarah works a very high paying job, Ellie works for her uncle and also makes a good chunk. They still live here but Ellie wants to move out and has asked for the rest of her 'fund' for a down payment. We agreed. Sarah is pissed and is demanding we give her the same for her own down payment or give her half of Ellies fund.

I explained that the options were we pay for school or a down payment for a house. We paid for Sarahs school. Ellie didn't need us to pay for school and now wants the down payment. Sure circumstances were different but each got the same amount and neither one got special treatment.

Sarah doesn't think it's fair that Ellie got the education and house while she doesn't. I told her we can't afford to give her 50k and I'm not taking from what was promised to Ellie to give to Sarah when she already got what was promised.. AITA for refusing to give my my daughter \*another\* 50k?

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Sibling comparisons can ignite family tension, and this Reddit user’s refusal to give Sarah an extra $50,000 upholds a clear, equal financial promise. Sarah’s nursing education, fully funded, contrasts with Ellie’s frugal carpentry path, which preserved her fund for a house—a choice within the agreed rules. Sarah’s demand, much like your sister’s fairness disputes, reflects entitlement born of envy, ignoring the equal opportunity both received.

Dr. Laurie Kramer, a sibling dynamics expert, notes, “Perceived inequity often stems from differing outcomes, not unequal treatment” . Sarah’s high-earning career, free of student debt, mirrors the “head start” Reddit praised, while Ellie’s thrift maximized her options.

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The parents should reaffirm the rules calmly, as you’ve navigated family disputes, and encourage Sarah to save for her goals, perhaps offering non-financial support like budgeting advice. A family meeting to clarify intentions could ease tensions.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit overwhelmingly backed the parents, calling Sarah’s demand “bratty” and praising the equal $50,000 gift, with analogies and personal stories to drive the point home. Here’s their take:

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vampire_queen69 - NTA sorry but your daughter is being very bratty. She spent her money now she wants her sisters money that is terribly selfish.

pint138 - NTA: This is very similar to what happened to my parents with me and my older sister. We both had college funds (not sure of the values) older sister went to college and grad school, out ran it and is in debt. I got a full ride, so when I graduated my Dad let me use mine on a truck. Sister asked 'Well where's my car' my dad responded 'Framed on your wall'

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ecka0185 - NTA you gave both of your children an incredible gift. They chose to use the gift differently, not having $50K in student loans hanging over your head is a major head start in life as well.

mornis - NTA I'm a twin and I would be pissed if my brother got more than me. Which is not what you're doing - they're both getting the same amount of money. The gift was 50k each, not one education and one house each.

ArtCoati - NTA. The 50k are the same 50k, if one used it all in one thing, it was her choice, the other made her choices and ended up with some cash to spare. In the end both received the same 'starter' money.

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im-vegan-btw - NTA. That would be like Ellie buying a house and then saying to you “I’ve changed my mind. I want to become a lawyer. Can I have another 50k?” It’s totally unfair to Ellie for Sarah to ask for Ellie’s money.

dr-sparkle - NTA. 50K is more than enough for a RN degree at a community college with a good chunk left over. (Maybe not in high cost of living areas) RNs have good earning potential and can sometimes get tuition assistance from employers to continue on to get a BSN.

Plenty of RNs start that way and quite a few go on to get their BSN and save for down-payments on a house at the same time. It's very steady employment with plenty of opportunity for further career growth. She could easily outearn her sister in the future and you have given her a huge leg up already.

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DogsReadingBooks - NTA. That would actually be very unfair to Ellie. They both knew what the money was for, which options they had.

[Reddit User] - NTA. You provided both your kids with the same advantage, same start. What they did with it was up to them. Ellie saved and used her own money for school and got a scholarship. Sarah went to medical/nursing school (more expensive) and didn’t get a scholarship, so she needed it then.

She probably makes more money now though. If I give my two small children a candy bar and child 1 eats hers right away and child 2 saves hers, #1 doesn’t get another candy bar when #2 eats hers later.. And THB both of them should feel super grateful they don’t have loans while trying to start out lol.

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GothPenguin - NTA You gave them the same amount at the same time. You aren’t an a**hole for refusing to give another gift of 50K or even half of your other daughter’s fund because one daughter doesn’t think it’s fair she used hers entirely for school and her sibling is using hers toward a home.

My parents did something similar when my siblings and I were eighteen they sat us down and explained they had 20k for each of us. We were allowed to chose how to use it within reason but that was all the money we would get from them so chose wisely. My sister paid for her wedding and honeymoon. My brother used his to invest. I put mine toward a house. No one complained it wasn’t fair when I had a house first.

Reddit’s siding with fairness, but are they missing Sarah’s emotional sting or just nailing the logic?

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This parent’s refusal to give their daughter another $50,000 has fueled a twin rivalry, with Sarah crying foul over Ellie’s house fund. The story, like your own family fairness fights, asks where equal opportunity meets personal choice. Are the parents right to stick to their rules, or should they soften for Sarah? How would you handle a sibling demanding more than their share? Share your thoughts or stories of keeping peace in family money disputes!

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