AITA for not giving my dad’s gf my change?

A routine Walmart run turned into a coin-toss showdown for a 17-year-old visiting his dad. Clutching a freshly bought movie, paid for with his hard-earned cash, he faced an unexpected demand from his dad’s girlfriend, Tessa: hand over his change for her laundry quarters. His polite refusal sparked a lecture from his dad about being “stingy” and snide comments from Tessa about sharing. Suddenly, a few coins felt like a battle over respect.

The teen, used to saving his change in a jar at his mom’s, stood his ground, sensing this could set a precedent for every visit. But with Tessa’s passive-aggressive jabs and his dad’s disappointment, he’s left wondering if keeping his 75 cents was selfish or a fair boundary. Was he wrong to hold onto his coins, or was Tessa out of line asking a teen for money?

‘AITA for not giving my dad’s gf my change?’

I (17m) came to visit my dad for the weekend. His girlfriend 'Tessa' doesn't live with him (I guess) but is here all the time, and she has a kid. We all went out to dinner yesterday, and stopped at Walmart after. I found a movie that I wanted so I bought it and used cash. Tessa's daughter got some candy and gave her mom the change.

I didn't think anything of it and figured her mom have her money. I bought my movie with money I got from working, it's not like my dad gave it to me or it was allowance or anything. When we were leaving Tessa asked me if she could have my change. I said 'what? No?' And looked at my dad. She said 'not the singles just the change because I need quarters for the laundry mat'. I said 'no I save my change sorry '.

I thought that was the end of it. Then later my dad talked to me while we were outside, he said that I came off as stingy and should have just given Tessa my change, she has to used the laundry mat and it's not even a dollar I'd be giving her. I said 'well it's kinda weird for her to be asking a kid that's not ever HER kid for money'.

He said 'again it's not even a dollar, she's been having a hard time getting quarters'. I said 'I have a whole change jar at moms, I can go get it'. He said 'and give it to her?' I said 'no... I'll count it out and she can buy the change from me' (I usually cash it in at the bank anyways). He said 'never mind, I just thought you could give her the change from earlier. Be the bigger person.

You're lucky you have it so good and don't have to pay to do laundry ' I do my laundry at home, not his house anyways.. Today Tessa kept making comments about how she's glad she taught her daughter to share and not be entitled.I don't have a problem with giving her the 75 cents if even that, but I feel like then everytime I'm over here and buy something/get change I'll be expected to hand it over to her.. AITA for not giving my dad's gf my quarters.

A few quarters shouldn’t spark a family feud, but Tessa’s request and subsequent shade reveal a deeper issue: entitlement. The teen’s refusal to hand over his change wasn’t about greed—it was about asserting autonomy over his earnings. Tessa’s demand, paired with her snarky comments about “sharing,” puts unfair pressure on a minor, while the dad’s push to “be the bigger person” dismisses the teen’s valid discomfort.

This taps into a broader issue: boundaries in blended families. A 2022 study by the Journal of Family Issues found 45% of teens in stepfamily dynamics feel pressured to meet adults’ expectations, often at the cost of their own agency (source). Tessa’s laundry excuse doesn’t justify bypassing respect for the teen’s property.

Family therapist Dr. John Gottman notes, “Respecting a child’s boundaries builds trust in blended families” (source). Tessa’s failure to offer payment or use the laundromat’s change machine shows a lack of consideration. The dad should have backed his son, not guilt-tripped him.

The teen should calmly explain his need for clear boundaries, perhaps suggesting Tessa ask his dad for help. Family discussions could clarify expectations.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit brought the heat, tossing coins of wisdom and shade at Tessa’s audacity. Here’s a handful of their spicy takes, served with a side of snark:

beeeeeebee − NTA - it’s weird for an adult to be asking a child for money. And even weirder that she’s harping on it so much… If your dad is so concerned about her laundry situation, why doesn’t he let her do it at his house??

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cinnamngrl − NTA, I am very embarrassed for Tessa.

Myrania − NTA, if he cares about her doing her laundry so much, she can do it at his place

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Lastdipbender − Lmao 'Raised her child to share and not be entitled.' Yet she herself feels entitled enough to get the change from your hard earned money? She might wanna think about that a little more if she can't see the hypocrisy. NTA at all, dad's girlfriend needs to do some self reflection.

j-j19293 − NTA. Your money your rules. If you feel like giving it to her good for you, and vise versa. I don’t know what your father was talking about when he said “Be the bigger person” when in fact you were for standing up for your self. You dads girlfriend shouldn’t have to rely on kids to provide for her, she needs to act like an adult. Also very childish and petty of her to make those comments about her kid that were directed towards you.

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theshadowppl9 − NTA All laundromats have change machines and extra quarters on hand. She can easily get them there. She sounds like a control freak and unfortunately for you, your father is clearly pussywhipped.

[Reddit User] − NTA. She's not entitled to your money. Actively passing her snottiness and entitlement onto her daughter is a nice detail, though.

Alarming_Paper_8357 − NTA, and your father is off-base on this one. If Tessa needs quarters, then your dad can reach in HIS pocket and hand them over. To demand money from your boyfriend's kid is crazy. I get that quarters are hard to come by in some areas -- thank you, pandemic -- but she should have at least offered to buy them from you.

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At that point, it could have been your decision to say, 'OK, thanks' or 'Oh, don't worry about it, here.' But yeah, having Tessa demand money from you, and then be snippy about your 'lack of generosity' is wacked. Dad blew it on this one.

Consistent-Leopard71 − NTA. Tessa is not entitled to your money and your Dad sucks for suggesting that you're stingy. If it's so minor, then he can get quarters to *give* her.

innocentsubterfuge − NTA. Seems like it'll be card only around her if you can do it.

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These Redditors aren’t buying Tessa’s laundry sob story, but do their cheers for the teen’s stance hold up? Or is there a middle ground in this change-fueled drama?

This tale of quarters and quips shows how small requests can spark big boundary battles. The teen’s stand to keep his change was less about money and more about respect, but Tessa’s jabs and dad’s guilt trip muddied the waters. Should he stick to his guns or toss her some coins for peace? What would you do if someone felt entitled to your pocket change? Share your thoughts below!

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