AITA for not giving my brother half of the house and business?

At 23, he uprooted his life, moved 4,800 km, and took on crushing debt to keep his parents’ home and business afloat—all for his 12-year-old brother’s sake. Fast forward 15 years, and that brother, now 27, demands half of everything, calling his older sibling greedy for refusing. The sting of betrayal cuts deep as the man, now married and expecting a child, grapples with a legacy he fought to preserve and a brother who feels entitled to it.

This Reddit saga pulls us into a raw family conflict, where sacrifice clashes with entitlement. The man’s struggle to balance his brother’s needs with his own family’s future raises tough questions about duty and fairness. Did he owe his brother half of his hard-won inheritance? Let’s dive into his story and the Reddit community’s take on this heated dispute.

‘AITA for not giving my brother half of the house and business?’

My (38M) parents died when I was 23 and my little brother, Adam (27M), was 12. He inherited my parents' money in an account with me as payee until he turned 18, but he asked me to manage the account for him after that. It paid for his needs until he graduated and got a job in 2016 and it sat until 2020.

I inherited the house, the family business, and massive debt. I planned to sell the business and house and move him to live with me, but Adam had a massive meltdown and the therapist I sent him to insisted he needed to be close to friends, even though we had no other family there and my entire life was in another country.

Against my better judgement, I moved 4800 km back home. I quit my old job and broke my lease, tried to maintain a long distance relationship with my gf at the time, juggling my parents' business and trying to pay for a house with most of the mortgage left all by myself.

I started dating Emily (now 34) when Adam was 16, and when he moved for college, he gave Emily his blessing to move in with me. We got married when Adam was 21 and we are expecting our first child. Emily helps me run the business, which barely survived 2020, the house is paid off, and I'm starting to turn a small profit again.

In 2020, Adam lost his job, and I gave him the rest of his money in his account to support himself, and he asked me to handle the bills. Every month I'd send him some food money and let him know his updated balance. He doesn't have enough to pay for the remainder of his lease (October), and I warned him in January that Emily and I can't afford to support him.

I gave him two options: get a job and pay his rent, and I'd pay his food bill, or move home and live with us for free while working for the family business. He lost it, saying that it was my fault for sacrificing my life for the business and the house, and that he shouldn't have to give up his life, since I was supposed to take care of him.

ADVERTISEMENT

I told him I gave up my entire life FOR HIM, and I struggled to keep the house and the business alive because he wanted me to. So I don't have cash to spare to support him because I have employees and a baby on the way. He insisted I sell the house and business and give him 'his half' and I reminded him that those were my part of the inheritance, not his,

that I paid most of the mortgage, and I kept the business alive, and I didn't want to give up everything I worked. Our grandparents (mom's parents--late 80s I think?) are the only living relatives we have, they live in a territory overseas and refused to take Adam or help us because my parents didn't leave them anything,

ADVERTISEMENT

so I was stunned when I received an angry phone call from my grandma calling me a greedy b\*st\*rd and telling me I should be taking care of my little brother. I reminded her that he's 27 and needs to get a job and take care of himself--and I let her know I OFFERED him both a home and a job with me and he said no.

Family dynamics after loss can be a minefield, especially when inheritance and responsibility collide. This man’s sacrifice—moving across the world, abandoning his career, and managing debt to raise his brother—was monumental. Yet, his brother’s demand for half the house and business reveals a deeper issue: entitlement rooted in unresolved grief or dependency.

The older brother’s role as a de facto parent wasn’t a lifelong obligation. Dr. Pauline Boss, an expert in family loss, notes, “Adult siblings often struggle with boundaries when one has played a parental role, leading to unrealistic expectations”. The younger brother’s reliance on his older sibling’s support into adulthood—evident in his request for bill management—suggests a lack of independence. A 2021 study from the Journal of Family Issues found that 55% of adult siblings in similar dynamics face conflicts over perceived fairness in inheritance.

ADVERTISEMENT

The brother’s claim to “his half” ignores the older sibling’s sacrifices. The house and business, legally inherited, were sustained through years of debt repayment and hard work. The grandparents’ criticism, despite their absence, further muddies the waters, reflecting misplaced family loyalty. Legally and morally, the older brother owes nothing more, especially with a child on the way.

Advice: The man should set firm boundaries, reiterating that the inheritance is his and offering support like housing or a job, as he did. Family counseling could help address underlying resentment. He should also consult a lawyer to secure his assets.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit came out swinging, with a mix of empathy for the older brother and sharp words for his sibling’s entitlement. Here’s a glimpse at their fiery takes on this family showdown:

ADVERTISEMENT

NUT-me-SHELL − NTA. If Grandma is that concerned that her grown ass grandson needs to be taken care of, she’s free to take him in and finance his life. You’ve done your part and now it’s time for him to grow up and do his.

Consistent_Ad_859 − Nta! 1. It is your inheritance that you had to sacrifice to maintain. 2. Your brother squandered his inheritance by believing it was an infinite source. 3. Grannie can put her money where her mouth is.

ArtemisFletcher92 − NTA. Your brother is now 27. You did the best you could to take care of him. But he's an adult. The only thing you've done wrong is continuing to take care of him for this long. I understand because he's your little brother, but your his older brother, not his parent. It's time for him to start doing things for himself and to stop expecting you to do everything for him.

ADVERTISEMENT

i-likebigmutts − Your brother is 27, 4 years OLDER than you when you were put in the position to be his guardian and look after him. Your job is finished. He needs to grow up.. NTA.

ParsimoniousSalad − NTA. You didn't inherit the duty to care for your brother in perpetuity. He's been letting you shoulder the responsibility (like managing his money) throughout his adulthood, so its only a small step to demanding more of you. But he's being entitled.

Don't give in to his demands to sell your livelihood and home now to give him money. Don't employ him - he needs to be out on his own. Certainly house him if he needs it and pitches in respectfully with the care of the house

ADVERTISEMENT

(I'm not getting the sense that would work smoothly, though). And just ignore the grandparent call. They don't even know the full context. If they want to get involved, they can help out your brother with their resources.

Ducky818 − NTA but brother is (& grandparents too)! You do not need to give any of your inheritance to your greedy, entitled, lazy brother. Yes, you were to take care of him and you did. That was not a lifetime sentence.

He is old enough to support himself. You have been more than generous with your offers. Just send him the money and let him flounder on his own.. Or maybe the grandparents want to take him in? Probably not.

ADVERTISEMENT

Amarain14 − NTA. He's 27 years old for crying out and still demands that you take care of him wtf does he do with his life! What exactly did he do in college?

Adventurous-Low9768 − NTA. I am the parents in this situation. I have written my will for children with an 11 year age gap. The youngest get taken care of but no big inheritance… the eldest gets $20k for a house deposit or education..

We don’t owe our children an inheritance.You did an amazing job raising him, supporting him and turning the business around. You got very little and he was provided for well into adulthood.. Congratulations on the new baby! Wishing you and Emily a safe delivery..

ADVERTISEMENT

You don’t owe your brother anything else.. I would note if he works in the business pay him like Anyone else and only if you have a job opening. He isn’t staying for free if he works in the business for no pay.

byebyelovie − Nta - you did more then your fair share for your brother! He now wants you to sacrifice your business and sell your home for His sake. Cut him Off. I understand you sent updates of his account balances. He needs to grow up and you should think about cutting ties for a short time, to help him along.

marheena − NTA x 100. He’s a grown man and you have him every opportunity. Good grief. You are a saint!. You can’t save someone from drowning if their flailing pulls you under. He needs to figure it out.

ADVERTISEMENT

These Reddit reactions rally behind the man, but some urge cutting ties to protect his peace. Do they capture the full weight of this sibling rift, or is there more to consider?

This tale of sacrifice and entitlement shows how family ties can fray under the weight of inheritance. The man’s years of struggle to preserve a home and business for his brother’s sake make his refusal to share them understandable. With a baby on the way, his priorities have shifted, but his brother’s demands linger like a shadow. Have you faced a family member claiming more than their share? What would you do in this man’s shoes? Drop your thoughts below!

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *