AITA for not giving my bf’s sister my clothes and accessories?

Her closet was a treasure trove, brimming with silk blouses that shimmered like moonlight and cashmere sweaters softer than a whisper. For this fashion-loving woman, every stitch told a story—some hand-sewn, others thrifted gems or heirlooms like her great-grandfather’s timeless watch. But when her boyfriend’s sister sauntered in, eyeing those prized pieces for a business event, the air grew thick with tension.

Saying “no” felt like guarding a sacred vault, yet it unleashed a storm of nagging and name-calling. Caught between her love for her wardrobe and pressure from her boyfriend’s family, she stood firm. Readers, can you feel the weight of protecting what’s yours against entitled demands?

‘AITA for not giving my bf’s sister my clothes and accessories?’

I'm a huge fashion freak and therefore have shitloads of clothing and various accessories. My family always inclined towards slow-fashion so even now I try to buy either garments which I'm sure will last me for couple of years or thrifted ones. I also learned to sew so I could make customised clothes or fix up those who weren't exactly my cuppa.

My boyfriend's sister has some upcoming business-related event and wanted to borrow some of my clothes as her styles doesn't exactly fall in a business category. I thought she would like some less expensive ones but she automatically (and quite nonchalantly) ventured to grab some of my favourite and most expensive pieces.

I told her I'd not lend her those as she didn't know how to care about silk or cashmere and I wouldn't let her have my great grand father watches. Instead I offered her some less care-demanding (and not so valuable) alternatives but she refused them.

She complained to my boyfriend who is on her side and keeps telling me I'm a s**b and should allow her to try my clothes as we are basically a family. It's been 2 weeks since that and they still continue to nag me. At one point I asked her whether she would pay me if she somehow destroyed my clothes and she said it was ridiculous and in conclusion is even more angry.

Setting boundaries over personal belongings can feel like walking a tightrope, especially when family’s involved. This woman’s refusal to lend her cherished wardrobe sparked a classic clash of entitlement versus autonomy. Her boyfriend’s sister saw the closet as a free boutique, while the owner guarded her silk and heirlooms like a dragon hoarding gold. Both have valid perspectives: one craves convenience, the other protects her legacy. But the sister’s refusal to respect boundaries—and the boyfriend’s siding with her—hints at deeper issues.

This scenario reflects a broader social tension: navigating personal property in close relationships. According to a 2023 Psychology Today article, boundary-setting is key to healthy dynamics, yet 60% of people struggle to enforce them with family. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Boundaries are not about saying ‘no’ to others; they’re about saying ‘yes’ to your own values” (source: Psychology Today). Here, the woman’s “no” honors her slow-fashion ethos and sentimental treasures.

Her boyfriend’s pressure, though, raises red flags. His dismissal of her concerns suggests a lack of respect, which Dr. Durvasula warns can erode trust. The sister’s refusal to consider repayment for damages further shows entitlement, not family unity.

Advice: Communicate firmly but kindly—reiterate why these items matter. Offer to help the sister shop for her own business attire, perhaps at thrift stores, to bridge the gap. If the boyfriend persists, a candid talk about mutual respect is overdue.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit didn’t hold back, and their takes are as spicy as a fashion runway showdown. Here’s what the community had to say:

ADVERTISEMENT

clevelandcray − NTA - You do not have to lend out expensive items if you aren’t comfortable doing so. Accidents happen and if the items aren’t replaceable, that would make it uncomfortable! You also offered other items to her & she did not want them.....she may be a bit of a s**b herself.. Edit - have not hand :)

Lordica − NTA- Pay attention here. Your boyfriend is clearly showing you where he's going to come down any time you have a conflict with his family.

Blobbyf1sh − NTA They're your clothes. You obviously care and take care of them. Even if you were were actual 'family' as your boyfriend implied, she still wouldn't be entitled to them. Her refusal to pay for any potential damages proves that she is not trustworthy. Your boyfriend should also be on your side. He has no business trying to make you do this. They're not his clothes.

ADVERTISEMENT

NaviNymph − NTA of course but it kinda concerns me that your boyfriend would be siding with his sister, has there been more tines where he blatantly disregarded your wishes?

eac96 − NTA You have every right to not lend out your most loved item wether they are expensive or not. She (and your BF) are rude to expect free run of your closet even if you were related by blood. If she needs to attend business type events then she should have the proper outfits in her closet.

It sounds like she doesn't dress properly for her job. If you were feeling really nice about it you could offer help her shop for her own pieces (new, thrift or a combination of both). I have a feeling she wouldn't except your help. She sounds like she justs wants your good pieces for free.

ADVERTISEMENT

Don't give in! No matter how offended she was at you suggesting something could happen to your cloths it always does when you lend out. They come back ruined or just never come back. Especially do not lend out family pieces like the watch!

askingformybrain − NTA she is being an absolutely entitled brat. You said no. Now she wants to whine about you not letting her use the expensive items. The utter audacity. That’s like if I had two cars, say like a Lamborghini and a beat up old Honda and someone asks me if they can borrow my car to go to the dr and then grabbing the keys to my lambo

maggienetism − NTA. You were asked to lend her clothes and specified which ones you were willing to lend. You're not required to lend your things to people at all, and clearly she didn't want to borrow anything that badly if she wouldn't accept what you were willing to loan.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − Nta. Those fabrics are expensive and she is NOT ENTITLED to them. And your bf thinking you should lend them to her, is laughable. She made it obvious that she doesn't respect your boundaries and her being mad that she should pay if something happens to your expensive clothes, says enough.

engg_girl − NTA she isn't entitled to your things. You boyfriend also needs to respect that even if his sister doesn't.. Also I love that while you enjoy fashion you do so conscientiously. ❤️

getstrongandlean − NTA Only lend her your stuff if you are okay with losing them. With the way your BF’s sister is behaving she was probably planning to “lose” your expensive watch or clothes so she didn’t have to return them. Even if she agrees to replace your stuff in case she loses them I wouldn’t trust her. She would just get your BF to side with her and play the family card.

ADVERTISEMENT

These opinions light up the thread, but do they capture the full picture, or are they just armchair critics strutting their stuff?

This wardrobe war shows how quickly boundaries can turn into battlelines. The woman’s stand protected her treasures but cost her peace with her boyfriend’s family. Was she right to hold firm, or could she have handled it differently? What would you do if someone demanded your prized possessions? Share your thoughts below—let’s unpack this drama together!

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *