AITA for not giving my 18 yo stepson my 4 yo daughter’s money?

Charlotte Morse Hours
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In a blended family’s tense living room, a college fund for a 4-year-old girl became the battleground for a heated dispute. A Reddit user, facing pressure from her husband to use her daughter’s $8,000 savings to cover her 18-year-old stepson’s pricey university tuition, stood firm, citing her husband’s unpaid debts and the fund’s purpose. With the stepson’s dream school on the line and family members pointing fingers, she’s caught in a storm of guilt and resentment.

This isn’t just about money; it’s a gripping tale of loyalty, fairness, and the complexities of blended families. With Reddit rallying behind her choice, the user’s left wondering if guarding her daughter’s future was the right call. Step into this family drama and decide: is she selfish, or is she protecting what’s hers?

‘AITA for not giving my 18 yo stepson my 4 yo daughter’s money?’

My husband and I have been together for seven years, married for five. He has a son and a daughter from his previous marriage, 18 and 13, and we have a four-year-old daughter together. Although we have some shared expenses, for the most part we keep our finances separate.

Custody is shared 50/50 between my husband and his ex regarding the older kids. Long story short, my oldest stepson graduated a couple weeks ago. He’s only ever wanted to go to one school which happens to be a very specialized and hence very expensive university out of state.

He applied, was accepted, and got a decent but not phenomenal scholarship from the school itself. Meanwhile, my husband has been encouraging him to look into additional scholarships and potentially ROTC or Air National Guard to help with the remainder of expenses.

My husband’s company went under a couple of years ago and he is just beginning to recover financially so paying out out of pocket for his son’s tuition is simply not an option. Unfortunately for Stepson, his focus here lately has been on his new girlfriend and not his academics and scholarships,

and unfortunately he’s decided his dad is an i**ot when it comes to scholarships and military service and that he’ll figure it out on his own. All fine and good except for the fact that he hasn’t figured it out on his own, and sometime here in the next several months the University he wants to attend is asking for roughly $25,000 in tuition money.

After dodging financial conversations and scholarship conversations with my husband for the past six or seven months, he finally came out and asked his dad how he was going to be paying for the tuition because the school is starting to ask for deposits etc.

Husband “broke it” to him that there is no college fund set aside (apparently BioMom has been telling him there was. I have no idea where she got that idea.) Now the whole family is up in arms that my stepson may not be able to go to the school of his choice.

Now it’s come up that our four-year-old has a college fund and investment account, because on my computer there is literally a folder on the desktop that has the investment links and logins and paperwork organized. Right now it has about $8000 in it, all of it from me personally depositing money

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and all of the little cash gifts my daughter receives for Christmas and birthdays etc. Because of how badly this whole tuition and university situation has exploded, my husband now thinks we should pay for my stepson’s stuff with my daughter’s money and he will pay me back.

The problem is, I’ve already given my husband a pile of money for other things and I’ve never gotten it back so I said no. Am I the a**hole for ruining my stepson’s university opportunity? Everyone else seems to think so but I seem to think this should have been talked about and dealt with a long time ago.

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Money set aside for a child’s future is sacred, but this Reddit user’s refusal to let her husband dip into their daughter’s college fund for her stepson’s tuition stirred up family chaos. Her stance is rooted in protecting her daughter’s interests, especially given her husband’s track record of not repaying loans. The stepson’s failure to pursue scholarships and his parents’ lack of planning left him short, but expecting a 4-year-old’s savings to bridge the gap is unfair.

Blended family finances are tricky. A 2023 study by the Pew Research Center found that 60% of stepparents face conflicts over financial responsibilities, often due to unclear expectations. The $8,000, while significant, wouldn’t cover even half of one year’s tuition, making it a short-term fix with long-term costs for the daughter.

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Financial planner Suze Orman advises, “Never jeopardize one child’s future to bail out another, especially without a repayment guarantee”. The user’s decision was sound, but securing the account with stronger privacy measures is wise.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit brought the heat to this family finance feud, dishing out support with a side of shade for the husband’s plan. Here’s what the community had to say about this college fund clash:

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BuildABeaver - NTA. Protect that money at all costs. Change whatever passwords you need to, call the bank and ensure that you're the only one who can access it.

Whitestaunton - NTA. You have given your husband a lot of money that he never paid back....There is your answer, if you give this money over you will never see it again. Your husband hasn't sorted out the college fund for his older children why would you trust him to be responsible for your daughters college fund.

$8K is also not enough to make a significant difference in a college that is that expensive so you would be just delaying the inevitable. Son will need to get student loans or reconsider other options. Maybe defer for a year. Your husband has not been honest with his son about the lack of funds and should have been.

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He would have been more likely to knuckle down if he knew he needed to.. Keep your finances separate and make sure your daughter investment fund can not be emptied by your husband. The other child is 13 there is still time to heavily encourage your husband to put money away for her and be clear with her what the situation is.

Willing-Survey7448 - NTA: You said yourself your husband has never paid you back. His ex is equally responsible for helping her son get to college.

[Reddit User] - NTA - I know your daughter doesn't need the money for a few years, but you can't risk it because you have prior experience of lending your husband money which he didn't pay back.

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Nor does it sound like your stepson is doing everything he can, instead it sounds like he's sitting back and waiting for other people to solve his problem, which is not going to serve him well. Actually, you're doing him a favour by refusing!

DerpDevilDD - NTA Your husband, his ex, and their son got themselves into this mess through their own laziness, inaction, and plain stupidity and they need to figure it out. It's not like they didn't know for 18 years they'd probably need a plan for college.. Do not let them anywhere near your daughter's money.

Hemenucha - NTA. That money belongs to your daughter, not you.. You've been putting your daughter's birthday & Christmas money in that account. She shouldn't have to give that up. Your husband has discussed options your stepson has to help pay for college, and he's chosen to ignore the situation and just assume someone else would pick up the tab. That person should not be a 4yo child.

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Princess-She-ra - You did not ruin anything. If he really wanted to go to a certain college, it was on him to at least do the best he could and get a better scholarship, and it was on his parents to put away money for him. You know, like you've been doing for your daughter.

Also, someone who focused on the girlfriend rather than school - what's to prevent him from doing the same thing in college? And also, $8000 is a nice amount but it's about 30% of what he needs right now. Where's he going to get the rest?. NTA

laude_nam - NTA If your stepson can not get a loan he can defer acceptance for a year, work and figure out the finances for his college education. Any miscommunication between your stepson and his parents is not your fault and it certainly has nothing to do with your four year old daughter.

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Huntokar_Goddess - Obvs NTA. Your stepson is the one who is interested in going, he should have looked for additional scholarships or extra income. That is your daughter's college fund, funded with your money, no one else has a say on it

and I would make sure to delete the info from the computer, change ALL passwords and login info RIGHT NOW, and hide it somewhere else. Clearly you can't trust your husband or anyone else who snooped on your computer.

IllustriousPomelo152 - NTA. If husband had a better track record of repayment, it'd be a different discussion. If you give Stepson that $$$$, you'll never have it for your daughter.

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These spicy takes cheer the user’s stand, but do they capture the emotional toll of blended family tension? Reddit’s clear: the daughter’s money stays put!

This saga of a toddler’s college fund and a stepson’s tuition dreams lays bare the raw challenges of blended family finances. The Reddit user’s refusal to sacrifice her daughter’s future was a bold stand, but it left her family divided and her stepson’s plans in limbo. As the fallout lingers, the question remains: was guarding the fund the right move, or could compromise have eased the rift? What would you do when family demands clash with a child’s future? Drop your stories, advice, or spicy takes below!

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