AITA for not giving back my wedding dress?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Back in the warm summer of 2019, a 29-year-old woman and her 31-year-old fiancé toasted to a laid-back engagement, setting their wedding for December 2021 with zero rush. Strolling past a bridal shop in March, her heart skipped a beat at a stunning dress in the window—love at first sight! With her best friend’s nod, she snagged it the next day, keeping her treasure a secret, a quiet thrill tucked away in her closet.

Fast forward to last week, when her future brother-in-law’s 30-year-old fiancée strutted out in the exact same gown at a family showing, dazzling everyone. A private chat turned tense disappointment and a plea to return the dress followed, sparking family chatter and pressure. Yet, a coffee meetup flipped the script, blending apologies with clever fixes. This Reddit tale twirls from dress drama to a sweet, shared victory let’s step into the aisle.

‘AITA for not giving back my wedding dress?’

Me 29F,. my fiance and soon-to-be-husabnd 31M,. his twin brother and my BIL 31M,. BIL's fiance 30F. Story: My fiance and I got engaged summer 2019 but said from the very beginning to not stress about the date of the wedding so we set the wedding for December 2021.

In march this year I walked past a shop for wedding dresses and saw one in the window I instantly loved. Long story short, I bought it the next day together with my best friend (I wanted her opinion first). Noone else knew I already have it. My BIL is supposed to get married in September and his fiance went dress shopping last week (I didn't come along).

Today she wanted to show the dress to the 'girls in the family'. Well, she walks out with the EXACT SAME dress I have. Everyone was complementing her so I kept quiet for the moment but as soon as I got the chance to talk to her privately I talked to her and told her I have the same dress.

She was very disappointed as she expected she would be coming along dress shopping with me. She was also angry I have the same dress and asked me to give it back because she doesn't 'want to get married in the same dress as her husband's twin brother's wife'.

I don't want to give my dress back: I absolutely love it, I don't mind getting married in this dress even if she is wearing the same. Words came out to the rest of the family and everyone is giving me s**t for my decision.

Update: ok, so this conflict resolved quicker and more civil than expected. After yesterday's incident I looked into easy ways to customize my dress for me personally without spending too much money (like I said, I didn't mind it being the same).

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I sketched up a few ideas in terms of accessories, veil, belts, etc and planned to show it to her after she hopefully calms down a bit. During the evening I received a bunch of texts from her and my fiances family but I just ignored them.

Just an hour ago she suddenly calls me (which is odd, she never calls, we aren't really close but get along well at family gatherings, lunches, etc.) and asks if we can meet. Fine, I have a break in a couple minutes anyway and wanted to grab a coffee, we can meet at the cafe (she works in the same area and told me on the phone she had time to also take a break).

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She was already there when I arrived and as soon as I sat down she started pouring apologies. How sorry she is for blaming me, it was just a hot headed thing she said without thinking about the situation, she was stressed after a long day at work.

She also mentioned it was a mistake to feel entitled to come dress shopping with me, also just in the heat if the moment. She appreciated I gave her a heads up when I did and didn't just wait until my wedding to reveal I have the same dress.

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I then told her I looked into things like accessories etc and she admitted she had done the same so we compared what we came up with and it is very different so we came to the conclusion we will both be keeping the dresses and make them our own individual look with our personal accessories and hairstyles and all that stuff.

We also kind of bonded over this as we will now be helping each other to find the perfect accessories and we will also go pick out the flowers for both weddings. She talked to the family and they also apologized to me. To me this issue now belongs in the past and we will laugh about it in the future.

This bridal gown mix-up stitches together a quirky family tale. Our 29-year-old bride, smitten with her early pick, stood her ground with grace, while her future sister-in-law, stressed and surprised, initially pushed back. Both had a claim to their dream dress hers bought first in March, the other’s chosen later for September. Cooler heads and a cafe chat turned a clash into clever customizing, sewing seeds of teamwork.

Wedding season often frays nerves, and dress drama amplifies it. A 2023 survey by The Knot notes 68% of brides face planning stress, from budgets to style picks. Here, secrecy about the dress fueled a hiccup neither bride knew the other’s choice, and unvoiced expectations flared. The fix? A dash of flexibility and a nod to personal flair saved the day.

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Dr. Elizabeth Scott, a stress management expert, says, “Compromise in high stakes moments like weddings builds stronger ties small adjustments can shift tension to collaboration”. Swapping blame for belts and veils, these brides crafted unique looks, proving a shared gown can shine twice. Their pivot from spat to support mirrors a win for family harmony.

Smart moves paved the path here. Both can keep their dresses, tweaking them with accessories veils, sashes, or bold hair to stand apart. Teaming up for flowers and fittings deepens the bond, turning a snag into a story. A sprinkle of patience and open chats can tailor any wedding woe into a custom fit.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit rallied behind our bride with a hearty cheer. The crowd tipped the scales her way, nodding that snagging the dress first in March gave her dibs, especially since she didn’t mind a twin look. Many shrugged off the fuss wedding dresses overlap, and personal touches like veils or makeup make each bride distinct.

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Some chuckled at the flip: the fiancée craved a joint shopping trip but skipped inviting our bride. Timing leaned in her favor too returning a recent buy beats a months-old treasure. The vibe sang of fairness and fun, praising her cool head and the duo’s creative compromise.

HuckleberryOk1542 − NTA, I’d start sending out copies of the receipt that you bought it back in March. Seriously, so many wedding dresses look the same. I doubt you will be wearing your hair, makeup, veil or accessories the same so it shouldn’t be an issue.. If she has the problem, she could return her dress (probably easier too since she bought hers more recently).

slydog4100 − So she's mad at you for buying your dress without her, but she bought her dress without you? NTA. You bought the dress first, you're getting married second, you don't care if you have the same dress. This is a her problem. You're fine.

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Anon-1991- − NTA - first come first serve lol show the receipt date. And she's a h**ocrite because she wanted to go dress shopping with you but she didn't take you with her. Anyways not the a**hole but still a sucky situation for both parties involved... I mean I'm a guy but aren't there like thousands of wedding dresses lol what are the chances.

Attila_the_frog_33 − So, wait, you didn’t go with her to shop for a dress, but she “expected” to go with you? INFO: were you invited to go with her and declined or couldn’t go? Maybe it’s a side issue, but if you weren’t invited at all then we are starting to see a pattern of entitlement here.

And if that’s the case, then you will most certainly need to put you foot down here as she will likely get worse about this.. In any event, NTA, because you bought this dress first and she is already starting to sound unreasonable.

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[Reddit User] − NTA if she doesn't want to wear the same dress she can return hers, since she's the one that cares

celery-lacroix − NTA plenty of people wear the same wedding dress. If she cared so much about being unique she can take hers back. If she waited until 2 months before her wedding to get one though it doesn't seem like it was really a priority since the average time is 6 months.

Public_Divide_1925 − Hmmmm...yet you bought it first. What does your fiancé say?

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uhhhhwhat22 − Info: can you even return wedding dresses??? I didn’t think you could?? Either way, NTA. It’s ok to like and wear the same dress. It’s just a coincidence it was 2 people in the same family that it happened to.

Janetaz18 − NAH. The two of you could just agree upon the fact that you both have incredibly good taste in wedding dresses. It shouldn’t evolve into a ‘who bought it first’ or ‘who’s getting married first’ competition. It’s not like you had shown her the dress and then she ran out and got the same one.

Be adults and laugh about it. Here you are marrying twins (regardless of if they are identical or not) and both some how got the same dress. It could be a future family story of fate or a future family story of a rift being created. You guys get to pick. Which will it be?

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mustyoureally − NTA - she's wearing it first so what's the problem? Anyone notices, its going to be at your wedding anyway

This wedding dress whirlwind spins a charming yarn two brides, one gown, and a family flap that bloomed into a clever fix. Love for a dress held firm, but apologies and a coffee klatch wove custom styles and a fresh bond, ready for dual aisle walks. From March find to September showcase, they tailored a shared win with flair and flower plans. Toss your thoughts, feelings, and twists into the mix below let’s lace up some bridal wisdom!

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