AITA for not getting my teenagers up for school?

In a cozy home where the morning sun barely dents the teenage haze, a parent’s patience frays like an old sweater. Day after day, their calls to rouse their teens for school dissolve into ignored pleas, drowned out by the glow of phone screens. Exasperated, they draw a line: no more wake-up calls. The result? A frosty car and tardy teens, sparking a fiery debate about responsibility and parenting in the digital age.

This Reddit tale captures a universal parenting struggle—teaching teens to stand on their own two feet. The parent’s stand, both relatable and bold, paints a vivid scene of morning chaos and the clash between coddling and tough love. As we dive into their story, shared with raw frustration, it’s hard not to root for a resolution that balances care with independence.

‘AITA for not getting my teenagers up for school?’

Every morning I call them nicely and they ignore me until I lose my f**king mind. Last night I told them to set alarms because I’m not doing it anymore. This morning they got up with about 15 minute to get to school but the car was frozen so they had to be late (they would’ve been late anyway).

ADVERTISEMENT

My said I was an ass for not waking them. They stay up staring at their phones or talking to friends (I tried taking phones and was made to look like actual Satan for that), so I figured if they like the phone so much, it can get them up.

This parent’s battle with their teens’ morning inertia is a classic clash of responsibility versus reliance. By refusing to wake their teenagers, they’re pushing for independence, but the resulting tardiness has ignited family tension. Teens, caught in the digital vortex of late-night scrolling, often struggle with self-regulation, leaving parents torn between enabling and enforcing boundaries.

The issue ties into broader challenges of adolescent autonomy. A 2020 study in Pediatrics found that 70% of teens report excessive screen time, disrupting sleep and morning routines. Dr. Lisa Damour, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Teens need structure to build responsibility, but parents must balance guidance with freedom to fail” . Here, the parent’s decision to step back aligns with fostering accountability, though the execution—abrupt and without a clear plan—stirred conflict.

Dr. Damour’s insight highlights the need for gradual transitions. The parent’s frustration is valid, but a sudden halt to wake-up calls caught the teens off guard. Setting clear expectations, like mandatory alarm use or earlier bedtimes, could have smoothed the shift. Consistency is key—parents must hold firm on consequences, like loss of privileges, to reinforce accountability without escalating into power struggles.

ADVERTISEMENT

To move forward, the parent could implement a structured plan: teens set their own alarms, with phone-free hours before bed to ensure rest. If tardiness persists, consequences like grounding could drive the lesson home. This approach teaches life skills while maintaining parental support. Open communication about expectations can bridge the gap, turning morning chaos into a step toward independence.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit users rallied behind the parent, seeing their stand as a push for teen accountability. Most agree the teenagers, old enough to manage their phones, should handle their own wake-ups. From tales of kids as young as 8 mastering alarms to warnings about coddling creating dependent adults, the consensus leans toward tough love as a vital parenting tool.

The community also emphasizes consequences, like losing phone privileges, to enforce responsibility. Educators and parents alike stress that high schoolers, nearing adulthood, must learn to manage their time. These candid takes highlight a shared belief: enabling teens delays the independence they’ll need in college or the workforce, making the parent’s stance a necessary, if messy, lesson.

ADVERTISEMENT

Devnone − NTA imo. My son is 11 and has no problem waking himself up for school. I also get up and make breakfast and all that but he is responsible for the getting out of bed on time part.

MeButNotMeToo − NTA As a parent if teens, been there, done that. The thing to keep in mind is give them the opportunity to fail when there is little consequence. If you know there’s something happening that can’t afford to be late too, then you have to make sure they’re on schedule.

ADVERTISEMENT

Regarding the phones, gotta be strong in that. When they’re being responsible, they get to keep their phones. When they’re starting to slip, the need to turn in their phones an hour before their **scheduled** bed time.

trashoprah − NTA. Fellow parent here. Just had this same convo with my 8.5 year old. If she can do it, then your teenagers can do it. In just a few short years they’ll be out of the nest and they need to know how to be independent and get themselves up and ready.. Stand your ground! You’re doing a great job!

ADVERTISEMENT

3rdeyeopenwide − NTA. Working in education you hear opinions on this issue frequently. When a 10 year old is late 3+ times a week the parents are on the hook for what that kid misses and we generally pity the kid. High schoolers are a different animal.

You can’t control their schedules as easily without being a “monster” and possibly damaging your relationship. I would tell them they are responsible for getting up and ready on time and you’re going to have the car ready to leave on time. If they late they lose a privilege if they’re early you stop for coffee/treats.

ADVERTISEMENT

evileen99 − NTA. I had an 18 year old stepson that didn't want to be responsible for getting himself up for school. My husband said waking him up every day would teach him to get up on time. I said that would teach him that someone else is responsible for his punctuality.

I asked my husband if he was going to call him every day when he was in college to make sure he got to class, and then when he got a job, call him every day to make sure he got to work. I said this is a life skill, not a punishment.

ADVERTISEMENT

We proposed several ideas to make him get himself up, but he shot them all down with ridiculous reasons. I ended the conversation by saying 'Okay, then you need to come up with a plan on your own because I am NOT getting you up for school.'

The next day he overslept, was late (and really pissed off) and got detention. This went on for a week and he said out of frustration 'Do you WANT me to get detention?' (like him being in detention somehow hurt me). I said 'Yes I do. So if YOU don't want to be in detention, you need to figure something out.' He then figured something out.

ADVERTISEMENT

nnixie − NTA - you stated your intentions clearly and for whatever reason the teenagers decided to not respect your time or take what you say seriously.. Since when did it become a thing for teenagers not to be able to wake themselves up? I am far more concerned that you think you might be an A for something like this. Stay strong and stick to your guns!

buyalot − My children have been getting themselves up since elementary school. Left unchecked you end up with someone like my college roommate, who from 350 miles away her mother called our dorm every morning to wake her up. NTA

ADVERTISEMENT

ThatCrazyChick1231 − NTA When I was 15 I was getting myself up and ready by myself with plenty of time to shower, dry and straighten my hair, put on makeup, make breakfast and make coffee for me and my mom with plenty of time to walk the hour it took to get to school.

Oh, and I was doing all this without having a 'set bedtime' and I'd stay up late playing videogames accepting the consequences of being grounded if I was late or missed school (this never happened though cause I didn't want that to happen). Hell, I was getting myself up and ready since the 5th grade🤦

ADVERTISEMENT

They're not babies anymore and you're right to stop treating them as such. Maybe it'll help engrain it in their minds if you set up a similar rule of 'you want to be so grown, fine but you're grounded the rest of the day every time you make yourself late or miss school over your irresponsibility'. They need to take ownership/responsibility of their own actions

ch3w2oy − NTA. But don't worry about what taking their phones make you look like. Be a parent and do what YOU have to do to teach them responsibility and accountability... Parents these days just want to be friends with their kids so bad..

Thrwforksandknives − NTA. If they have enough time and knowledge to play on their phones and they insist on keeping them, they should know to set an alarm.

This parent’s morning saga, equal parts chaos and conviction, underscores the tightrope walk of raising independent teens. Their story sparks reflection on where to draw the line between helping and hindering. Share your experiences—how do you balance nurturing with pushing your teens to take charge of their own mornings?

ADVERTISEMENT
Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *