AITA for not getting my partner food after they didn’t cook?

In a bustling cityscape where every minute counts, one exhausted resident finds himself longing for a taste of home-cooked comfort after an unrelenting shift. As the soft glow of early evening contrasts with the harsh demands of a 72-hour workweek, the anticipation of a familiar meal creates hope—a brief escape from the daily grind.

Yet that hope dims when reality fails to meet expectation. Arriving home hungry and tired, he encounters silence instead of the promised meal. The missing dish, emblematic of a broken promise, sparks more than just disappointment; it sets the stage for a deeper conflict over care, support, and understanding in the midst of relentless professional pressures.

‘AITA for not getting my partner food after they didn’t cook?’

Hi, I'm a 27M in my first year of residency. My work life, as expected, is exhausting; it feels like I spend all my time in the hospital (72 hours per week), as I have yet to have a weekend off, which I could really use to just sit on my balcony, staring at the Pacific for hours on end. This past Saturday, I worked my very first 24-hour shift, and it nearly killed me.

My back was aching, my feet were tired, and my brain felt like it needed a factory reset. On Sunday, I worked from 5:00 to 18:00, which wasn’t too bad. Whenever I have any downtime, I always make sure to check in on my partner, as they work from home, to see how their day is going and to talk about whatever.

While we were on the phone, I asked them if they would make my favorite dish, which is simply Katsu with brown rice and a lot of Katsu sauce. They agreed, and I was ecstatic as I haven’t had a homemade meal in a while since I don’t have the energy to cook when I get home and usually just grab something when I get off work, if something I like is still open.

I live a little over an hour and a half outside of the city, but there was a terrible car accident on the highway, so my drive home took well over two hours. I pulled up hungry, ready to eat, but when I walked into the kitchen from the garage, there was no cooked food at all. I was pissed and called out my partner’s name and asked them to come here, but they didn’t answer.

I went upstairs and found them in their office, playing games on their PC. I asked them to stop so we could talk, and I asked why they didn’t cook as they said they would. They admitted they got distracted after getting off work and forgot about it. I said that’s fine, but I would have really appreciated it if they had at least called me to let me know so that I could have stopped to get something while I was already out.

I also told them that I felt they were being inconsiderate, as they know how much I have to work and how tired I am when I get home. I can admit that my tone when we were speaking was stern, but I felt it was called for. They called me an a**hole for yelling at them for forgetting this “little thing.” After we were done, I was hungry, so I grabbed my keys and went to get something to eat for myself.

I saw that, while I was waiting, they texted me their order, but I ignored them. When I got back home and they saw I didn’t get them anything, they called me a petty a**hole and went back upstairs. I didn’t say anything out loud as I wasn’t in the mood and just wanted to eat, shower, and go to bed.. So, AITA?

Letting your partner meet your family can feel like a monumental step in a relationship, and when promises go unfulfilled, it taps into a fundamental need for care and consideration. In this case, the resident’s long, taxing shifts create a context where a warm, homemade meal represents both physical sustenance and emotional validation. The imbalance in expectations often sets off conflicts that reflect deeper issues beyond a single forgotten promise.

The incident highlights the critical role of communication and mutual support. Both partners have demanding lives—one immersed in grueling hospital hours and the other balancing a different rhythm behind a home office. When expectations are set, even small gestures like a meal can be imbued with significant emotional weight. Miscommunications compound over time, generating resentments that overshadow the original intention behind the promise.

According to relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman, “Successful relationships are built on a higher ratio of positive to negative interactions, ideally around 5:1,” a sentiment echoed by many experts in the field (more details available at Gottman Institute). His insight suggests that even minor lapses, when accumulated, can erode relationship satisfaction. In this context, one missed meal might become a symbol of broader issues if not addressed through empathy and clear dialogue.

Broadening the lens, this story reflects common challenges faced by many modern couples, especially those juggling demanding careers. Studies indicate that couples under high work stress often struggle with everyday tasks, amplifying emotional responses to small missteps. The incident isn’t simply about dinner; it’s about whether both partners can navigate the pressures of life while still nurturing their bond. External resources on workplace stress and relationship dynamics provide further context to these challenges.

Advice in such situations leans towards proactive communication and setting realistic expectations. Couples might benefit from regular check-ins to discuss day-to-day responsibilities and emotional needs. Building a system of reminders or sharing tasks could mitigate future disappointments. Ultimately, addressing the underlying imbalance with understanding can transform a potentially explosive conflict into an opportunity for growth and improved connection.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid, humorous, and full of colorful perspectives. While these comments are as diverse as they are opinionated, they reflect the blend of exhaustion, frustration, and wry humor that comes with balancing demanding careers and personal commitments. Do these views capture the full reality? Only you can decide how much truth they hold.

katbelleinthedark − I'd say NTA. You were tired and just got distracted and forgot the little thing that is your partner's order, they should totally understand. It's a little thing after all and also not like you promised you'd get them anything.

rajasconqueso − NTA… my friend is in residency and it’s brutal. Her husband works from home and does lots of cooking because he understands how demanding her job is and wants to be supportive. In fact she rarely eats take out because of how much he cooks. When her schedule allows she cooks too.

Your partner prioritized playing video games over the support they promised you. It’s not just a little thing. A homemade meal when you haven’t had one in days of hellish shifts means a lot and I cannot imagine how defeated and sad you felt when they “forgot”. And to not even apologize or offer to make it better.

I could see you just wanting to take care of yourself at that point. Get your food and call it a night, try not to make it into a big argument. Is your partner usually this disconnected from you? Do they generally support you and this is a one-time thing? It doesn’t seem like it.

mailforkev − As an aside, if you’re working 70+ hours a week then living 1.5 hours away from your place of work is not sustainable. NTA.

Lopsided_Scheme_76 − NTA. I’m a nurse, I graduated in 2020 and holy s**t when I first started working, I was on a COVID ICU. It was hellacious. We were so understaffed I was working 16 hour shifts 5 days in a row. My abusive ex-husband could not give less of a s**t how I felt after a hard shift.

He made me cook when I got home or drive super far to pickup whatever HE wanted for dinner. and well…. there’s a reason he’s an ex. Not saying your partner has to be an ex, but this is a big bright red flag in my opinion.. Good luck!! <3

baalofbabylon − Why are you even trying to date at this point? You ain't got no time for that!

DangerousTurmeric − YTA. You've made a lot of personal choices that mean you're exhausted and stressed out, and that's hard, but ultimately it's on you. I get that you were really looking forward to a home cooked meal but it sounds like your partner also works and was just tired, decompressing from work and forgot.

Like I assume you come home at a different time each day? And then you were an hour later because of an accident. Your partner is probably also just used to you not being there. Did you send a reminder about dinner or an update on the time? Offer to pick up groceries etc? People also forget things all the time, that's totally normal.

The way you treated them, being

It's reasonable to be disappointed but I think the emotions here are heightened because of how your choices are affecting you. I'd also imagine your choices, like how long you spend at work and how you're tired all the time, are putting strain on the relationship in general. It doesn't sound like you are considering how this might be affecting things overall.

If you actually like this person and want to be with them, you need to have a conversation about all of this and figure out how much support you can expect, and also what is expected of you (because it doesn't sound like you have anything to give at all now and won't for a long time). I've had events where I've worked 70-80hr weeks and there's just no way I could sustain a relationship if that was my life long term. It's asking a lot of someone.

biwitchingbee − How do you expect them to text you to warn you that they’ve forgotten to do something? If they remembered it enough to text you about it, presumably they’d remember to do it in the first place. I don’t understand how you can expect to be warned about an unforeseen situation - unless you hear someone say “I forgot” and interpret it as “I chose not to do it on purpose.”

WerewolfCalm5178 − I pulled up hungry, ready to eat, but when I walked into the kitchen from the garage, there was no cooked food at all. I was pissed and called out my partner’s name and asked them to come here, but they didn’t answer. I went upstairs and found them in their office, playing games on their PC.

I asked them to stop so we could talk, and I asked why they didn’t cook as they said they would. They admitted they got distracted after getting off work and forgot about it. I said that’s fine. But it wasn't fine for you. Don't come here

Popular-Block-5790 − Info: is this something that happens regularly (your partner forgetting things they wanted to do for you) or is this something that doesn't happen often?

In conclusion, the breakdown of a simple promise—a missed homemade meal—has grown into a mirror reflecting broader issues of communication, support, and stress management in modern relationships. It reminds us that even the smallest actions can carry immense meaning in a world where every minute is a challenge.

What would you do if you found yourself facing a similar situation? Share your experiences and insights, and join the conversation on how we all might better navigate the delicate balance between duty and care.

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