AITA For not forgiving my fiancè after he wanted me to go visit his family instead of attending my uncle’s funeral?

Loss cuts deep, like a winter chill seeping through an open window. For a 26-year-old woman, the death of her uncle—a man who filled the void left by an absent father—shattered her world. Living nine hours from her hometown, she planned to return for his funeral, only to face resistance from her fiancé, who insisted on visiting his family instead. His dismissal of her grief as “overly emotional” sparked a heated argument, leaving her to mourn alone.

This Reddit tale, raw with heartbreak, unfolds in a cramped apartment where love and loyalty clash. The fiancé’s choice to prioritize his plans over her pain has Reddit buzzing with opinions, pulling readers into a story of grief, empathy, and the fragile bonds of engagement.

‘AITA For not forgiving my fiancè after he wanted me to go visit his family instead of attending my uncle’s funeral?’

I F26 been with my fiancè M30 for three years. I moved with him 9 hours away from my hometown after we got engaged. He works full time and is only free on weekends and holidays. My uncle had been sick with cancer for over a year. He was in his late 40s. This was hard on me because my relationship with my uncle was very strong. I grew up with him because of my dad's absence.

So he was like a father to me.. My mom called me to tell me that he passed away and I just broke down and started crying. My fiancè got back and asked me what happened and I told him my uncle passed away. He calmed me down and gave me some water. Then he called my family to extend his condolences.

In the evening I told him we were going to go stay with my family for a few days til the funeral is over. He looked at me confused saying he didn't think we were going. Thought we'd send the family a letter or an email to extend our condolences and apologize because he already took a few days off work to go spend a few days at his parents house.

I was stunned when he said this. Even though I explained that my uncle was like a father to me. I told him I needed to be there for my family and what they'll think of me if I don't come. but he told me that my whole family will be there so no one will even notice if we showed up or not. He talked about making plans with his family and how all that will be ruined.

I told him I could call them and explain if he can't but he lashed out at me that I'm being overly emotional right then and that he didn't know my uncle that well and wasn't willing to drive for long hours and let work pile up to go be at a funeral.

We argued very loud and I ended up packing everything and leaving by myself.  My family asked me about why my fiancè didn't come and I couldn't tell them why I told them we had a fight and it turned out he sent my mother an email extending his condolences,

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and making excuses for not showing up with me. It's been 2 weeks and I'm still with my family. He is calling me wanting me to come back and for things to go back to normal. He even tried to get my family to convince me to forgive him after this.

Grief tests relationships like nothing else, and this fiancé flunked spectacularly. By prioritizing a family visit over his partner’s need to mourn, he showed a stunning lack of empathy. Dr. Susan David, a psychologist and author, writes in Harvard Business Review , “Emotional agility means being aware and accepting of your emotions, even the painful ones.” His dismissal of her as “overly emotional” invalidates her grief, a move that can fracture trust.

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The OP’s uncle was her anchor, yet her fiancé treated his death like a scheduling conflict. His suggestion to send an email condolence instead of attending reveals a self-centered streak. A 2023 study in Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that partners who support each other during grief report higher relationship satisfaction. His absence left her to navigate a nine-hour trip alone, compounding her pain.

Dr. David advises couples to “co-navigate” emotional challenges. For the OP, this means her fiancé must acknowledge his misstep and commit to better emotional support. Couples therapy could help, but only if he takes accountability. For now, her choice to stay with family is a healthy step to process her grief and reassess her future.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit came out swinging, dishing up a lively mix of support and snark for the OP. From calls to dump the fiancé to reflections on grief, the comments are a fiery snapshot of the internet’s take. Here’s the unfiltered scoop:

[Reddit User] − NTA. I wouldn’t be too quick to forgive something like that, and most likely I wouldn’t marry that man either. He didn’t care that you were grieving at all. That’s heartless.

SNC__94 − That is incredibly selfish of your fiancé it would be such a deal breaker for me. This wasn’t just some distant relative you haven’t seen since you were a baby. This was someone who meant a lot to you. How does he not get that

Unfair-Policy − NTA I am sorry for your loss. Death doesn't wait for a convenient time. You didn't just need to go for your family, you needed to go for yourself. Your fiance should have understood that it was not about him, it was about you.

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Is this the first time that he has made something just about him? Has he never lost a loved one, so he doesn't understand the grieving process?. I would not be eager to get back to my partner after they acted so callously.

ChonkyCinnamonRoll − NTA. I'm sorry for your loss.. But please leave him. He's a walking - talking red flag because :. 1) Disturbingly low amount of empathy (if any). 2) Thinks an email or a letter will suffice.

He even wrote an email as an excuse instead of trying to visit and left you to travel by yourself to your home 9 hours away in a vulnerable state.. 2) Lack of any apology. 3) Wants you to come back and for you to go back to normal? I really don't see anything going back to normal after this. At least it wouldn't for me.

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DollFacedBunny − NTA. I would seriously reconsider marrying this guy, he sounds like he puts his family above your emotional needs and health and that's just not right.

heliepoo2 − Sorry for your loss. NTA... Now isn't the best time to be making life decisions but you may want to reconsider this relationship. Regardless of him knowing how much your uncle meant to you, and how out of touch is he if he didn't know, his reaction was completely selfish. The fact that he also emailed, instead of calling and made additional excuses or lies for not being there makes it worse not better.

megameh64 − NTA. When the chips were down, he did what he wanted to do instead of what you needed him to do. This is one of those things you only get one shot at, and he failed. You are in the right to be upset and to not want to go back, especially while grieving. He made this much harder for you than it needed to be.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. He should have prioritized your tragedy over his vacation.

nisera − NTA. Do yourself a favor, and don't go back. This is not someone you want to spend your life with. Don't even go get your things, either get someone to send them to you or call it a loss.. Not worth it.

OverallDisaster − NTA. So sorry for your loss OP. Your fiance is being a huge ass and not a good partner to you. Any half decent partner would go support you during a funeral of a close one, no matter if they knew the person or not. He sounds very selfish and the fact he said you were overly emotional and argued and blamed you while you were in the throes of grief is astounding.

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These Redditors didn’t hold back, cheering the OP’s strength and torching her fiancé’s selfishness. Some saw his email as a weak excuse; others urged her to rethink the relationship. But do these spicy takes capture the full story, or are they just adding fuel to the fire?

This story hits hard, exposing how grief can reveal a partner’s true colors. The fiancé’s choice to prioritize his plans over her uncle’s funeral raises tough questions about empathy and partnership. While Reddit leans toward cutting ties, the OP’s next steps hinge on whether her fiancé can own his mistake. For now, she’s finding solace with family, honoring her uncle’s memory. What would you do if your partner brushed off your grief for their own plans? Share your thoughts below.

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