AITA for not forgiving father after he stole my inheritance?

Few things hurt more than realizing a parent took advantage of you during your deepest grief. Back in 1999, this man was just 25, reeling from his mom’s death to liver cancer, when his father convinced him to hand over the bulk of her $16,000 inheritance, claiming the will was a mistake and the money was really meant for him. Trusting blindly because “one is supposed to trust your parents,” he agreed—only to learn decades later that his mother had deliberately left it to him, knowing exactly what her husband might do.

What followed were years of the father badmouthing her memory, prioritizing a new wife, showing little support through the son’s own losses, and finally denying the theft when confronted. Now, with early dementia setting in and family pleading for forgiveness to “free his soul,” he stands firm in no contact. It’s a powerful reminder that some betrayals cut too deep for mandatory reconciliation, no matter blood ties or time passed.

AITA for not forgiving father after he stole my inheritance?

The painful journey started right after the devastating loss of his mother.

It's 1999, my mom passes away from liver cancer. I'm 25 years old, single child, wet behind the ears and gullible. 80% of my mothers estate at the time (about...

My dad says due to my moms deteriorating mental health they never had time to change her will, the money should have come to him, can I pay it over...

Years later, family dynamics shifted dramatically with a new presence in his father’s life.

Fast forward about 5 years and one brief failed marriage later, he finds himself a nice Russian bride. The dynamic changes and he badmouths my late mom at every BBQ...

Distance grew as the son built his own life, with occasional reminders of disregard.

I move cities, get married, start a family of my own. We chat on the phone once a week or every two weeks but don't see each other for years...

Him and the Russian bride come and visit once, borrow my truck to go to a big national park. I gave it to them with a full tank of diesel,...

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In 2023 he sold his house and moved to Russia with the bride, I'm not sure if he invested the house's money locally or if he moved it to Russia,...

Fresh grief highlighted the emotional gap when the son’s wife passed.

My (now late wife) falls ill and passes away last year. I send a message to everyone after she passed away with all the funeral details and what happened.

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My dad's response "Oh now that's bad news". He doesn't bother flying in for the funeral service or anything. He messages me a few weeks later, asking if she was...

Finally, the long-buried truth surfaced, leading to confrontation and severed ties.

I speak to his sister (a highly educated P.hD with many law degrees etc.). We speak about my moms passing and the similarities to what happened to me. I mentioned...

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She freaks out, she (being legally qualified) helped my mom with the will in the hospital before she passed away as she knew my dad would be a d__che about...

I confront my dad about the money, 25 years after he swindled me out of it. he denies it, then tries to claim the amount was 10% of what it...

and with every lie I bring out what I remember to be the truth, along with evidence. Eventually I tell him never to contact me again, and stop answering his...

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He tries to message me once a while, but it's more and more random. Turns out that it looks like he has early stages of dementia. A few months later...

asking why I have no contact with my father, because he reached out to them to talk, and he 'seems lonely' (we suspect the bride leaves him alone at home...

We tell them what happened and they understand. As time passes, his sister is now asking me to forgive him for what he did and to free my soul from...

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My reply was from the series Billions “Hate is nature's most perfect energy source. It's endlessly renewable.” I have no urge to forgive him, but **AITA** for not forgiving??

Betrayal by a parent cuts deepest, especially when it involves dishonoring the other parent’s final wishes. Taking advantage of a grieving 25-year-old isn’t a mistake—it’s exploitation. Forgiveness isn’t mandatory, particularly without genuine remorse. His denial and minimization when confronted show no accountability, making reconciliation feel one-sided.

Psychologists often distinguish forgiveness for your own peace—releasing resentment—from reconciliation, which requires safety and change. As one expert notes, “Forgiveness means giving up hope for a better past,” but it doesn’t mean inviting harm back.

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Here, maintaining no contact protects hard-won boundaries. Dementia complicates emotions but doesn’t erase decades of choices. Family pressure often stems from their discomfort, not your best interest. Staying firm honors your healing and your mother’s memory.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Users overwhelmingly supported no contact and rejected forced forgiveness.

whoneedsaverage − NTA He took advantage of you in a very vulnerable state. You don’t have to “forgive and forget” that. Especially since he has zero remorse.

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Anyone who can’t understand that because “he’s family”, I’d ask if they would be ok with someone stealing $16k from them.

Arorua_Mendes − NTA. You are not shackled by unforgiveness but simply holding someone accountable. Your boundaries are valid. Forgiveness works when someone acknowledges their wrongs your father has not.

He exploited your trust at your most vulnerable moment. Your aunt calls it shackles I call it damn consequences. Would forgiving him bring you peace or just comfort others?

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Extraspicygirl − He didn’t just steal your inheritance, he stole your trust. And then torched your mom’s memory at every BBQ like it was charcoal. 6your not bitter you’re healed...

Many clarified the true meaning of forgiveness.

FilthyDaemon − A little bit, but only to yourself. But let's dig in a bit; what do YOU think forgiveness means? Do you think it means you have to forget...

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open your heart and your arms, and bring him back into your life, possibly into your home, and act as if nothing happened? Because that's not forgiveness.

That may be the actions of some people who choose to forgive, but it's not a requirement. What forgiveness is, actually, is letting yourself let go of the hurt that...

and taking away their power over you to continue to hurt you. It's saying "this is who you are as a person, this is what you did, and you no...

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You can put the bricks they handed you down, and you don't have to pick them back up again. People think forgive means to condone, but what it really does...

and things you care about. Evict the people living rent free in your head (your dad), and make space for those people who deserve to be there.

KintsugiMind − There are two ways people use the word “forgiveness”.   One is to absolve the person - to declare them free from guilt, obligation, or punishment.

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The other is to voluntarily give up anger, resentment, and the need or urge to seek revenge - without necessarily allowing that person back into your life.

I don’t think anyone has to absolve someone if the person hasn’t made a concrete effort to show restitution and demonstrates an understanding of the harm they caused; even then,...

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Forgiveness of letting go WILL make your life better but it doesn’t mean you have to allow someone back into your life who has harmed you.

It sounds like your aunt wants you to “forgive” as a gateway to you reconnecting with your parent but that’s not how forgiveness works.

NTA The idea that “family should be everything” works when family members treat each other with kindness, respect, and love. Family loyalty is too often used as a way to...

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When your dad betrayed your trust and violated your mother’s wishes he didn’t choose family, he chose himself. HE didn’t choose family and you’re making decisions based on that lack...

csick19 − NTA The money is gone. You’re never getting it back. Your father is a user. He’s not going to change. Whether you forgive him is 100% up to...

If you want to have a relationship with your Dad in spite of who is is and what he has taken from you is entirely your decision and you should...

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cinekat − NTA. You seem to have made peace with your decision - which to be clear I would also have done - and I suspect any contact you make...

Vast_Responsibility6 − NTA Also I really really dislike this forgiveness is the only way to heal rhetoric. Because no. It's not, moving on and letting go of anger is healing.

YOU and only you the hurt party gets to decide if the one who wronged you deserves forgiveness. You don't sound like your stewing away with seething anger and h__red....

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You are allowed to not forgive someone who wronged you, especially when they have done nothing to earn it. You have your own life away from him.

Keep living it and making your own choices. Living your best life and being happy is what is important. Not forgiving someone who stole from you, then bailed on you.

Others shared similar experiences.

HeartoRead − My biological father never stole from me that I know of but did some equally heinous things

and for the longest time everyone in my life when finding out I was no contact would argue that I need to maintain a relationship because I would regret it...

It's been about 10 years and I'm still doing okay lol not a single regret yet. On the upside, his most verbal defenders have gotten some of his treatment

and are now on my side also cutting him out. If I can just get my brother out of his claws. All he does is hurt him but you can't...

Aware_Welcome_8866 − Taking advantage of you, living with the knowledge for 25 years with apparently no guilt and lying when confronted… honey, you do what you need to do. Maybe...

Hangin-N-Bangin-4761 − Many law degrees huh?

Minute-Actuator-9638 − NTA. You don’t owe him anything. My father also stole money from me ($12k when I was 16). He was an all around s__tty person

and then also stole money from my mother 6 months after the incident with me. I never spoke to him again, never forgave him.

I was 46 when he died and didn’t shed a tear or care at all. I have no regrets. Nobody needs a thief and AH in their life, no matter...

Kooky-Situation3059 − NTA, he stole from his child, lying about his dead wife. You don't forgive stuff like that, you get people like that out of your life.

[Reddit User] − When my husband and wife #1 got divorced, their decree stated that the jewelry he had given to her in the last two years (when she was...

The value approximates $10k for each child. They also decreed that he would keep the house and mortgages, she could keep her retirement (worth about 2x the equity in the...

and that the three credit cards they had and outstanding balance would be divided in 2 and paid off from the sale of a joint asset (boat). He sold the...

She moved out and moved in with her boyfriend. Two years later, she declares bankruptcy. As it turns out, she REOPENED the credit cards and upped the limits, maxed out...

and could no longer pay the minimum payments. She also applied for a new credit card with a high balance on it, too, under their joint names. She forged his...

We are forced to pay the balances. Why? Because the agreements between the creditor and the then-married couple stands as BOTH parties promised to pay them off in full.

We could have sued her, and they MIGHT have put her in jail, but then we'd lose her child support. We also didn't want to have the kids hate us...

But we did get her to pay the fraudulently opened card in full. Then, we received a copy of the bankruptcy, which did not list the kids' jewelry among the...

We specifically looked for it, because we wanted to take them from her at that time rather than let them be pooled with her liquidating assets.

We challenged the paperwork and reported that we knew of other assets that existed. That's when the rest of the story came out.

She sold the jewelry six months after they divorced. At the same time, her boyfriend and she went on a two week vacation, and when they returned, she bought him...

It was in his name, which is why she didn't list it. She never made good on the jewelry. She did marry the boyfriend. She is now providing day care...

She co-signed a student loan for the other kid, and upon my husband's insistence, that other kid stopped making payments when he showed her a copy of the divorce documents.

We call it karma. Unfortunately, OP probably will not experience the same reward or return on investment. I don't think I'd follow the aunt's suggestion and forgive him, though.

Mommy-Dearest15 − NO! NTA. You do not have to forgive. When people show you who they are believe them. He did you very dirty and,

for me, doing that to your own kid is unforgiveable. I'm so sorry you lost your mom and then your dad did that to you. He doesn't deserve you or...

This isn’t about shackles—it’s about self-respect earned through hard lessons. He broke trust repeatedly without remorse; choosing distance honors your mother’s intentions and your own peace. Forgiveness can’t be forced for others’ comfort. If dementia stirs pity someday, that’s your call alone. Would you ever reopen the door, or does no contact feel like freedom?

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