AITA for not following the school supply standards for my children?

The back-to-school aisle buzzed with color as one Reddit user, a 35-year-old dad, guided his sons, 9 and 5, through their annual supply shopping spree. Crayons, pencils, and notebooks piled high in their cart, each pick a spark of independence in a cherished family tradition. But this year, a school note demanding standardized, shared supplies—like a 24-pack of crayons—threatened to dull the fun, prompting the dad to stick to his routine.

His plan to let his kids keep their chosen items in their backpacks, despite the communal policy, drew sharp criticism from friends, who warned he’d disrupt classroom harmony. With his husband backing him but others shaking their heads, this tale of crayons and convictions pulls us into a lively debate over parenting, school rules, and fairness.

‘AITA for not following the school supply standards for my children?’

I 35M  have two children, 9M and 5M. My littlest one is going into kindergarten and I was so excited to properly include him in our school shopping routine. He's always tagged along with his brother and gotten his own arts and crafts stuff to use at home, of course, but there's a new layer of excitement this year.

We always allow independence in choices, as long as it doesn't become inconvenient. For example, if my kid picks out the 120 count crayons, we might redirect him to the 96 count instead since that's easier to carry around in his backpack.

Other than practicality, we don't try to persuade them in any way. It's always a fun experience and a great way to kick off the school year (and to relieve some of those 'oh god my baby is leaving me' fears for my husband and I with our 5yo.)

We usually grab quite a few of the items on the teacher's wish list as well and make a point to wrap it up nicely as a little thank you present from our children to the educator that will be spending the year with them. This year upon receiving the school supplies list,

there is a note made at the top that all supplies should be exactly as listed on the sheet (such as, a 24 pack of crayons) as all items will be shared with every student in the class. This was confusing for me, as I buy the items specifically for my children.

I decided I was going to go through with our supply shopping tradition as normal - never getting anything LESS than what was required, of course - and send a note with both of my boys that their items would be their own

and could be kept in their backpacks as usual. When I expressed this sentiment to those around me (aside from my husband, who was on my side) they weren't very receptive to the idea.. AITA for not following the rules listed?

EDIT: I am 100% open (and now intend to) buy extra school supplies to send with each of my children for those whose families can't afford to purchase them. My kiddos also love to share

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and I'm sure they would love to pass around some colors from their boxes of crayons or let someone borrow their scissors when the time came. We also respect teachers and don't expect them to provide supplies for every student! Just wanted to clear these things up.

This school supply saga is a vivid clash of personal tradition and classroom structure. The dad’s insistence on letting his kids choose supplies fosters autonomy, but ignoring the communal policy risks undermining the teacher’s system. His willingness to buy extras shows goodwill, yet his plan to keep items separate could spark chaos.

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Communal supplies are common—60% of U.S. elementary schools use them to ensure equity, per a 2024 National Education Association report. Dr. Linda Esposito, an educational psychologist, says, “Standardized supplies streamline classroom management, reducing disparities and distractions” (source: Edutopia, 2020). The dad’s approach could disrupt this balance.

The policy aims to level the playing field, but the dad’s tradition celebrates individuality. His kids’ larger crayon packs might trigger envy or sharing disputes, as teachers noted in comments. Esposito’s insight suggests that bending rules can confuse young learners about authority and fairness.

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The dad could preserve his tradition by using special supplies at home, while sending standard items to school. A chat with the teacher to align goals could build trust. This story highlights how parenting passion can clash with school systems, urging compromise for harmony.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit users leaned toward calling the dad the asshole, arguing his plan disrupts teachers’ carefully crafted systems for equity and efficiency. They warned that separate supplies could lead to lost items, envy, or extra work for educators, undermining the classroom’s flow.

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KAJ35070 − YTA - for the reasons others have mentioned, 14 years in the public schools. You don't want to start the year being that parent, you just don't. Most classrooms I was in, extra items were simply sent home or not used. May I suggest that you could set up a homework station at home with some of the 'off list' items that your kiddos would like.

TogetherAgain18 − Hi. Teacher here. First, thank you for always making sure to buy items from the teachers' wish lists! It's a HUGE help. I want to be very clear that I don't think you are an a**hole. Just, in this situation, I do think you're the one in the wrong, so... YTA.

If your student's teacher is using communal supplies, and you insist on YOUR child having their own, different supplies that are kept in their backpack, then you are creating a potentially huge disruption in how the teacher runs their classroom.

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Let me give you one very common example: Every morning, the teacher makes sure that every single student starts the day with two sharp pencils. If a pencil breaks or gets too dull, there's probably somewhere to put it. There is probably also a supply of new, sharp, ready-to-go pencils in case a student manages to break both pencils,

but the expectation is that two pencils is enough to get through the day. At the end of the day, either all the pencils are collected, or the teacher just grabs whatever the bucket (or whatever) that dull/broken pencils are put in.

They take some time, either after school that day or before school the next morning, to sit down and sharpen all of those pencils and redistribute them. Once again, every student has two sharp pencils to start their day with. There are variations on this, of course, but the basic idea is pretty common.

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(Some teachers label the pencils so each student has the same two pencils every day. The teachers who DON'T do that, and inevitably get a student who chews on their pencils, will keep a few pencils separate that are just for that student so no one else has to touch them.)

Now enter YOUR student, with their pencils that you insist they keep in their backpack. The teacher can't make sure those are sharpened every day. There's three ways I can see this going: either (1) your student loses most or all of the pencils fairly quickly, ends up with just a handful of pencils,

and inevitably finds that they don't have ANY sharp pencils right when the teacher is handing out a test; or (2) your incredibly responsible student has a full box of pencils in their backpack, which either you or they sharpen every night, and they keep getting out of their seat all day long to get a new pencil because... they can.

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Or (3) same as the second one, but instead of your kid just randomly switching pencils all the time, they're getting out of their seat to get more pencils because their neighbor wasn't responsible with THEIR two pencils, and your kid is very generous and has become the spare pencil bank for the rest of the class.

In that instance, the pencils you bought for your child still somehow end up in circulation with the pencils for the rest of the class. And believe it or not, ALL of those can be very disruptive and undermine the teacher. The third one is the least problematic,

but you might notice it's the one where the supplies you bought are still, essentially, part of the communal supply. With things OTHER than pencils, it can get messier very quickly. Everyone has crayons that are in the 24 crayon box... except That One Kid with 96 crayons in his backpack.

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Maybe your kid is the jerk who shows off to everyone that HE has a GOLD crayon and a SILVER crayon and ROBIN'S EGG BLUE and whatever else, trying to make everyone jealous. Or, maybe your kid is really quiet about his extra crayons, but his neighbor says 'Hey, can I borrow your green?

You have a better green for this tree than I have...' and then breaks the crayon, or doesn't give it back, or otherwise causes drama. Either way, somebody ends up crying. (At least, in your five-year-old's class, somebody ends up crying. In the nine-year-old's class, you would HOPE not, but... you never know!)

I do understand that YOU buy supplies for YOUR child, and it can be a difficult shift in mindset to buy for the classroom instead. I also understand that you have this wonderful tradition with your boys to get them excited for the school year, and who would want to sacrifice that?!

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But please, keep those exciting supplies for home, and stick to the list exactly for what you send to school. Doing otherwise is immediately undermining how the teacher runs their classroom, and probably cancels out a good portion of the positive relationship you COULD be setting up with the teacher by buying all that stuff on the wish list!

aloneisusuallybetter − Reading these comments about people pissed they gotta spend their own money for other people's kids supplies... Completely ignoring the fact that teachers spend their own money on other people's kids all the time. Be upset at your district. Go to meetings and tell them that schools need more money for supplies and teachers need more money in their pockets.

Squish_the_android − I don't really agree with the school's plan here but your plan to just ignore it is going to go over very poorly.. Right off the bat you'll be see as the difficult parent and your kids as the difficult kids.

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sunshinebrained − As a prior teacher I wouldn't care about the letter, sorry not sorry. In a classroom, things eventually get mixed up, shared etc. Teachers have bigger things to worry about during class, not whether that's Johnny's pink crayon that Susie is using. But it's a good heads up to the teacher as to what type of parent she will have to deal with. So good job forewarning them.

ParsimoniousSalad − YTA. The teacher informed you that supplies would be shared. You're causing problems for their classroom why? Get them 'special' things for home use, but for school, provide the supplies as listed. It's not that difficult if you have the money. The kids can benefit from learning to share this one time.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Schools have been doing this for awhile now and I understand why- some kids can't afford school supplies and this helps. BUT I ,and other parents, were getting almost monthly emails asking if we could send in more supplies because the class was running low. After the 4th month of this,

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I told the teacher that why I didn't mind pitching in extra every now and then, , I couldn't afford to send in more pencils, papers, crayons, etc. every month. She tried to shame me saying I could afford it because my kids wore nice clothes to school. I told her I bought the clothes at the thrift shop/goodwill and she shouldn't judge everyone's financial status on what kind of clothes they wore.

Ellisni − YTA- you’re making it unnecessarily difficult for your child and their teacher for no reason other than you just don’t want to. The teacher has these rules for a reason, maybe you don’t like it,

but you’re not the one teaching a classroom full of kids all day either. You’re also teaching your kid that it’s ok to break the rules when you just don’t like them. Set a good example for them and show respect toward their teacher.

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[Reddit User] − NTA I don't understand why you should have to pay for communal school supplies. If little Johnny's mom buys him his own supplies and he uses them faster than the other kids or doesn't take care of them why is then your responsibility to subsidize his school supplies?

Intelligent-Ad-4568 − I don't know if your an AH. But the reason teachers do this is because in the past they have kids with individual stuff, and it gets lost or mixed up. And it never lasted the year, schools supplies are at the cheapest for back to school.

So a 99cent box of crayon in Jan will be $3. So you could be 3 now or 1 later. This way the teacher, just pulls out 2 boxes of crayons and stores the rest, and as the year goes on just pulls out new ones. They budget it out for the year. Same with all the other supplies.

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The teacher has 30 kids to watch, your kids stuff is going lost in the first week. Maybe the box with his name is going to be still there but in a month half those crayons will be gone. Kids share, drop things, lose things.. Honestly, we should be mad at the government for not funding schools properly.

Some sympathized with his tradition but urged compliance, noting communal policies help kids whose families can’t afford supplies. A few defended his stance, frustrated by schools’ reliance on parents, but most saw his defiance as setting a poor example for his kids.

This crayon conundrum shows how a fun family ritual can stumble over school rules. The dad’s push for independence clashed with a system built for fairness, leaving him torn between tradition and teamwork. Whether you’ve wrestled with school policies or championed your kids’ choices, this story strikes a chord. Have you ever faced a school rule that challenged your family’s ways? Share your thoughts below!

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