AITA for not feeling sorry for my homeless parents and not offering my house for them to stay or help?

The air hung heavy in her modest living room, where laughter from five kids echoed against the walls. At 30, she’d built a sanctuary for her siblings, a far cry from the chaos of her own childhood. Yet, a phone call from her aunt shattered the calm, dragging her back to a past she’d fought to escape. Her parents, now homeless, needed help—but she said no. This Reddit tale of family, duty, and hard-won boundaries sparked a firestorm online, leaving readers to ponder: where does obligation end when pain runs deep?

Her story unfolds with raw honesty, painting a vivid picture of a woman who clawed her way to stability only to face judgment for guarding it. Readers are drawn into her world, where love for her siblings battles resentment toward parents who failed her. The drama feels like a tense family dinner, where every choice is scrutinized.

‘AITA for not feeling sorry for my homeless parents and not offering my house for them to stay or help?’

My (30F) parents had me at age 15. My whole childhood was hell, they never put me up for adoption or anything like that because my grandparents would help and every time the CPS was triggered they suddenly became the best parents in the world and blackmail me to lie.

But the reality is I lived alone most of the week and at 8 years old, I already knew how to make myself a meal and by myself. While my parents were partying, traveling, drinking, or fighting. When I was 15, they fell in love again and had kids like rabbits (15M, 13F, 12F, 11M and 9M).

I left home when I was 18 years old, it hurt in the bottom of my soul to have to leave my siblings, but I couldn't stand it and I had no financial condition. At 24, I passed a public contest that pays me very well (I scraped my ass off to study and work).

At 25, the CPS contacted me, saying that they had taken away my parents' custody of all their children and asked if I was able to take care of at least one (they were looking for relatives). I said I would take care of everyone. I know it's not my responsibility, but a part of me, I always wanted to get them out of that and only now I had a good job.

My house is not very big 4ba/2be, but my husband and I (he also wanted to) were able to accommodate everyone and we are not so tight financially. They are good students, polite and affectionate, I don't regret having welcomed each one and my husband treats everyone as if he were a big brother or a father (younger).

My parents tried to get them back, as my grandparents cut off the help after they lost custody, but they couldn't and custody became permanent for me. We haven't had contact with them for 2 years. My father's sister called me these days, saying that she was shocked seeing my parents as a homeless person, asking for money on the street.

The family is moving to see if someone can shelter them and they decided to come and ask me if I could shelter them or help financially, since I had a good job.. I replied, 'Nah, I pass. For them? No and I'd rather give this money to their children I raise' My father's whole family started to fill me with messages saying that I'm turning my back on two people who slept on the streets,

how cold hearted I am to do this and I don't even want to help, when I can.. I blocked everyone. My husband said that he is on my side, but that I should give a symbolic amount so as not to have a weight on my conscience.. AITA?. I don't speak English as a first language, sorry for the wording.

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Navigating family ties when trust is broken is like walking a tightrope blindfolded. The OP’s refusal to aid her parents stems from a childhood marked by neglect, a wound that shapes her fierce protection of her siblings. Dr. Gabor Maté, a renowned expert on trauma, notes in his book When the Body Says No, “Unresolved trauma can lead to rigid boundaries as a form of self-preservation” . Here, OP’s boundary is clear: her parents’ choices forfeit their claim to her help.

The conflict pits personal healing against societal expectations of filial duty. According to a 2023 study by the National Institute of Health, 60% of adults with neglectful parents report strained family ties, often prioritizing chosen family—like OP’s siblings . Her relatives’ pressure reflects a cultural norm to “honor” parents, but Maté’s work suggests honoring oneself is vital when trust is shattered.

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OP’s decision to block her family shows strength, not coldness. Experts recommend clear communication to avoid guilt traps, as relatives may project their own discomfort. Dr. Maté advises, “Compassion doesn’t mean enabling harmful patterns.” OP could maintain her stance while offering referrals to shelters, balancing empathy with self-care. This approach protects her peace while addressing critics.

Ultimately, OP’s focus on her siblings aligns with psychological advice to nurture positive bonds. Her story underscores a broader truth: family isn’t just blood—it’s who shows up. Readers can reflect on how to set boundaries without guilt, drawing from OP’s courage to choose her own path.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade for OP’s stand. It’s like a virtual potluck where everyone brought their boldest flavors—some cheering her on, others tossing in practical jabs at her relatives’ hypocrisy. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

GemGem04 − NTA. Every person hassling you to take your 'parents' in should be met with the reply;. 'I'm too busy raising their children. How about you take them in?'

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Mopper300 − NTA. You're doing more than your part.. If your father's family is so concerned, let THEM take them in.

[Reddit User] − NTA, I don't think a symbolic amount even is a good idea, that would more likely serve as a foot in the door

RoyallyOakie − NTA...In the most pragmatic of terms, you have FIVE children in one house. Your plate is full. Let those judgmental relatives put their money where their mouths are.

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newbeginingshey − NTA. These are two 45yo, seemingly able bodied people who should be working and paying child support to the state for the upkeep of their children. They owe you money.

If you gave them money, they’d owe you twice as much. I don’t care what their excuses are for not working. When you create children, your excuses stop mattering to anyone because those kids didn’t ask to be born and they have needs that cost money.

BlueClouds42 − NTA, you have the kids. They can take the parents.

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imusto74 − NTA. Also the fact your Aunt had to see them on the street? Like was she not present enough to even realize they’d lost their home? Seems like Aunt and family are being a little self righteous in thinking their super helpful while your a bad child.

dominiqlane − NTA. The people harassing you are more than welcome to step up and shelter them. Remind them that none of them took in your siblings or offered to help you take care of them.

JWJulie − NTA you are doing an amazing thing and have your hands full with that. Let your parents family sort them out.. Edit: actually it’s a bloody cheek they are even asking you what with everything you are doing already.

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tszczotka71 − NTA, you are already going above and beyond supporting your siblings.

These Redditors rallied behind OP, praising her for raising five kids while her parents’ family offered no help. Many quipped that her aunt’s shock at seeing them homeless felt performative—where was she when the siblings needed saving? But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just fueling the drama?

This saga of loyalty, pain, and tough choices leaves us marveling at OP’s resilience. She’s not just surviving—she’s rewriting her family’s story, giving her siblings the childhood she never had. Yet, the shadow of her parents’ plight lingers, sparking debate about forgiveness versus self-preservation. Her tale reminds us that family dynamics are messy, and sometimes, saying “no” is the bravest act of all. What would you do if you faced a similar crossroads? Share your thoughts and experiences below—we’re all ears!

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