AITA for not encouraging my friend to reconcile with his daughter?

A tearful phone call shattered years of silence, but for one father, the wounds of estrangement run too deep. After his daughter cut him off for refusing to reconcile with her cheating mother, a man now faces her tearful apology, prompted by her own husband’s betrayal. His friend, caught in the crossfire, refuses to push for reconciliation, standing by his pal’s guarded heart despite pressure from family.

This Reddit saga, rich with raw emotion, pulls us into the tangled web of family rifts and second chances. The friend’s choice to stay neutral, even as others demand he intervene, paints a vivid picture of loyalty tested by heartbreak. It’s a story that hooks with its messy, relatable struggle, inviting us to explore the delicate balance of forgiveness and self-protection.

‘AITA for not encouraging my friend to reconcile with his daughter?’

My friend and I have known each other for 20 years.He was previously married and he and his ex have 4 daughters. They divorced 10 years ago after she was caught cheating. Their children also found out.Ill elaborate more in the comments about this if needed.

She tried to apologise and keep the marriage but they quickly got divorced. He told his daughters he would never expect them to not have a relationship with her, but that he never would again. Younger 2 were just confused and upset, but the older 2 hated their mother and refused to speak with her.

We all including their dad suggested they consider reconciling eventually but no one pressured them. Around a year later they made up with her. Eventually 2nd daughter asked her dad if he would consider making up with her mom.

She said she hated having 2 separate families, not being able to see them both at once. As time went on she got more aggressive, saying she cant imagine having kids one day and having separate birthdays etc, and that she wanted her dad to atleast try to get back together.

He told her that he felt bad but that he could never forgive his ex. Her mom didnt put her up to this. She eventually started hating her dad, refusing to speak or see him.If anyone tried to speak some sense into her she would lash out saying it her dads fault their family broken.

No matter how much he tried she would never come around.If she saw him she would swear and scream at him. She went to therapy but nothing changed, she cut off her dad and threatened to cut off anyone talked about him. She said she would speak to him only if he remarried her mom.

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He tried a few times to talk to her but she shut him out and even ran away once to scare everyone. Eventually my friend gave up.She was 18 at the time. They haven't spoken since. He would message her on birthdays etc but got no response. He at one point even considered just getting back with his ex.

It's been around 6 years. They haven't spoken since. She also got married 2 years ago. He wasnt invited to the wedding so his family didnt go and oldest daughter also didnt go. Last week I was with my friend when he got a call and it was his 2nd daughter. She was just crying.

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My friend also started crying and she eventually said she found out her husband was cheating on her. Apparently this all came out 3 weeks ago. She was just crying and apologising and he was crying too and then eventually he hung up. He said to me it was too late and that he refuses to risk having his heart broken again.

He's been immensely stonewall about this.Whilst I'm a little surprised I completely support whatever decision he chooses. Most of his family + his girlfriend and ex are mad at him. Most of his friends including me and his younger kids say it's his choice.

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1st daughter says he shouldnt reconcile. I might be the only one that could convince him to try but I dont think I should. 2nd daighter has also called me asking me to try. My wife is not talking to me and says Im a bad friend. Am I the a**hole?

Family estrangements are emotional landmines, and this story shows how deep the scars can run. The friend’s refusal to push his pal toward reconciling with his daughter, who cut him off over her mother’s infidelity, reflects respect for his boundaries. The daughter’s sudden outreach, triggered by her own betrayal, stirs complex feelings, but the father’s hesitation is rooted in self-preservation after years of rejection.

Estrangement is common yet painful. A 2022 study from the Journal of Family Therapy found that 27% of adults experience family cutoffs, often tied to unresolved betrayal. The daughter’s demand that her father remarry her mother placed an unfair burden on him, and her apology now may feel too little, too late.

Dr. Joshua Coleman, an expert on family estrangement, notes, “Reconciliation requires mutual accountability, not just apologies”. The father’s stonewalling protects his emotional health, and the friend’s neutrality honors that. Pressuring him risks reopening old wounds.

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The friend could suggest therapy for his pal to process the call, while gently encouraging the daughter to respect her father’s pace. Staying supportive without meddling is key.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit users jumped into this emotional fray with heartfelt takes, serving up a mix of empathy and tough love. Here’s a peek at the community’s candid reactions, as raw as a family reunion:

katiethekatie − NTA. To be blunt, this isn’t really your business. At the end of the day your job is to be there for your friend and unless you feel he is making a terrible horrible decision without all the facts or he’s putting himself or others in danger, choosing to stay out of it and letting him make up his own mind is fully acceptable.. If you wanna be the guy that’s just there to listen to him that’s fine.

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Larcztar − Nta. This is such a sensitive subject. I understand him being scared and he will have to process this at his own pace. People need to leave him alone and you can only be his friend and support him in whatever he'll choose to do.. My heart goes out to him. I can't Imagine the heartache.

SimminNeet − NTA he needs you, a friend who won’t try and persuade him to do anything other than what he is ready to do. This really isn’t anyone’s business and you’re the only one approaching it as such! Hang in there, he needs your non judgmental support.

Zeronmichaels − NTA. In this situation, if your friend doesn't want to reconcile he shouldn't have to do. No point in you trying to pressure him.

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BeginningReasonable9 − NTA. Your friend shouldn't be forced to reconcile with her just like she wasn't forced to see her dad. She was old enough to see her actions were hurting her dad but she did them anyway. It's not your responsibility to fix their relationship nor is it your friend's. It's on her.

Mrx-02 − NTA daughter made her choice now she has to live with it. Seems karma decided to show her what her dad went through and now she knows the truth she knows she f**ked up and made a bad mistake.

Sadly she learned it too late. Now she realises she needs her dad more than ever but after what she did, dads not coming. She has Only got herself to blame. How sad to bad never mind.

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Individual_Friend228 − UPDATE: I began writing this comment as a reply to someone but it might be better as a separate comment. I tried speaking with my wife again. I showed her this post. I told her how I feel stonewalled by the fact she's giving me the silent treatment.

That all the years we've known each other we've never been this cold to each other. She argued back that this situation warrants this. That we should always give our children another chance no matter what, and she feels this is a bad sign that I wont forgive our kids if we were ever in a situation like this.

I told her I'm going to support my friend, but I still love her and I'm still hurt by her reaction. I suggested, as some here recommended, that maybe we should go counselling because her reaction is not something we should be doing and it's really hurt me. She laughed it off.

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Said we dont need counselling, I just need to acknowledge that no matter what our kids do, i have to promise to forgive them, and to call my friend and tell him to give his daughter another chance. I said I wouldn't, she said then I should get used to the cold shoulder for a few days. I told her I'm going to be staying with my sister for a few days.

She immediately started apologising, but I said I need space. I'm at my sister's now. I'm going to go back later tonight because I didnt explain the situation to our kids properly, but I'll be here for a few days until my head clears. My parents and other sisters are blowing my phone up, so there's more fallout to this I have to deal with.

warNpieces − NTA - You've been a supportive friend who has listened while your friend is going through very big family challenges. It has to be between himself and his daughter if they feel that they should reconcile.

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I'm sure it's hard to feel like you can't help more in this situation, but I think you're actually doing a lot already just by being a kind and listening ear for your friend, especially for so many years. Friends like you are hard to find.

Indigo_luv − NTA. Yeah teenagers make rash decisions but it seems like the only reason she reached out to her father now is because she’s going through the same and finally understands the pain he went through. Its a really sad situation but it’s ultimately his choice whether to reconcile or not.

sulevosanni − NTA, it’s their business. as his friend you should look out for him and try to stay neutral and offer support. not try to be his therapist or a counselor for their relationship.

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These Reddit opinions stir the pot, but do they miss the daughter’s perspective? Is she manipulative, or just regretful?

This tale of a father’s heartbreak and a friend’s loyalty raises thorny questions about forgiveness and family. The friend’s refusal to push for reconciliation honors his pal’s pain, but leaves us wondering: when does a second chance come too late? It’s a story that tugs at the heart, challenging us to weigh love against self-protection. Share your thoughts—what would you do if asked to mediate a friend’s family estrangement?

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