AITA For not eating the dinner I made for my family?

In a cozy suburban kitchen, the scent of spices lingers as a dedicated home cook juggles pots, pans, and family requests with the finesse of a seasoned chef. This time, though, the cook’s decision to skip the meal they lovingly prepared—Mediterranean lasagna, a dish they can’t stand—ignites a firestorm at the dinner table. The family, usually grateful for home-cooked meals, feels slighted, turning a simple act of self-care into a heated debate about fairness and gratitude.

The Reddit user, a culinary cornerstone of their household, finds themselves at odds with their spouse and teens. What seemed like a win-win—cooking the family’s favorite while grabbing a quick bite elsewhere—spiraled into accusations of martyrdom and ingratitude. This tale of kitchen compromise and clashing expectations invites readers to ponder: where’s the line between pleasing others and honoring your own tastes?

‘AITA For not eating the dinner I made for my family?’

I do most of the cooking for our family and I generally enjoy it. I usually come up with a menu a few days or a week at a time and handle the shopping, prep as needed and all that jazz. While I generally try to balance between what's healthy and what everybody likes, I do take requests fairly often assuming they are reasonable.

Sometimes I'll even play short order cook and make a bunch of little, easy meals (mac and cheese for one or two and scrambled eggs with toast for another for example). The other night when I asked for suggestions, one kid mentioned a certain meal and the others immediately jumped on the bandwagon and they all 'voted' for that.

Fair enough, although I hate, hate, HATE that dish and loathe making it and I said as much and offered alternatives. Anyways, I relented and zipped off to the store to buy the ingredients and pick up the miscellaneous other things we needed. While I was out, I stopped and got myself a quick bite to eat.

I figured everybody would be happy; I'd get a small treat for myself and everybody else would get what they wanted. Win-win! When I got back I made dinner and served it out. When I served my SO he noticed that there wasn't any for me and he asked for everybody to give some back so we'd all have enough.

I told him that I wasn't hungry, I already ate and I can still sit down with the crew and so on and so forth. The amount of s**t and the size of the fan combined was not what I was expecting. My SO said his feelings were hurt and my teen snarked up and said, 'What? Is this not good enough?' to which the bandwagon jumping began again.

I curtly explained that I don't have to like what everybody else does and I for sure don't have to make it. SO's rebuttal was along the lines of that I require everybody to at least try everything I make and I reiterated that I have tried it and I still don't like it. Now everybody is pissed off and I'm the bad guy.. Am I the a**hole for not eating a dish I made on request for everybody else?.

edit to add some missing words 2nd Edit: It's a Mexican lasagna. We're not Hispanic and it's not a family recipe so it's not a disrespect to anybody in particular. My SO claims that I only said I loath making it and said nothing about not actually liking the dish. He claims I'm playing the martyr here and I shouldn't have agreed to make it.

My teen has apologized but says that given the choice between Mexican lasagna and some unknown Chinese place he'd roll the dice and go with Chinese food. Everybody says it's unfair because sometimes (not always) I tell people that dinner is dinner and you can eat it or starve - apparently that night was one of them, unbeknownst to me.

Cooking for a family can feel like orchestrating a symphony, but when the conductor skips the final note, tensions flare. The Reddit user’s choice to make a dish they despise, only to opt out of eating it, sparked a clash of expectations. Their spouse and teens saw it as a slight, while the user felt justified in their small act of self-care. This rift highlights a deeper issue: unspoken assumptions about shared meals and appreciation.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Small moments of connection, like sharing a meal, build trust and intimacy” (source: Gottman Institute). Here, the user’s absence from the meal disrupted this ritual, perceived as a rejection by their family. Yet, their effort to cook a disliked dish shows care, suggesting a misunderstanding rather than malice.

This situation reflects a broader issue: family dynamics often hinge on unvoiced expectations. A 2021 study by the Journal of Family Psychology found that 68% of family conflicts stem from misaligned assumptions about roles (source: APA PsycNet). The user’s “eat it or starve” rule, inconsistently applied, likely fueled the family’s frustration, as it clashed with their flexibility in taking requests.

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For solutions, clear communication is key. The user could set boundaries, like limiting disliked dishes, while discussing meal expectations openly. Dr. Gottman’s advice to “turn toward” each other’s needs suggests small gestures—like joining the table despite not eating—could mend the rift.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit community didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of support and spicy takes. Here’s what they had to say about this dinner table drama:

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PurpleWomat − NTA The only way in which you might be the a**hole here is in allowing your family to take advantage of you to the point that they feel justified in dictating what you should enjoy eating. Time for the teen and your SO to either cook for themselves or eat what they are given (which will, I hope, be something that YOU enjoy from now on?).... Mind-boggling arrogance by your teen/SO. Definitely NTA

macaroni_rascal42 − NTA. What kind of ungrateful and over the top reaction????? You are completely in the right in this and your family needs to sit down and 1) appreciate what you’re doing and 2) not bug you for the ways in which you are doing it.

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NYCQuilts − NTA. I’d go on strike until they learned a little more gratitude. Your SO should be modeling good behavior, not encouraging a shitstorm.

DubsAnd49ers − NTA You were actually the good person to make something you disliked to these unappreciative folks.

profmoxie − NTA You're cooking for everyone all the time. And not only that, you take orders and make people's favorites! That's above and beyond amazing in my book! (and my dad is a chef and did all the cooking growing up, so I'm used to being cooked for but even he didn't take votes and do small meals based on what people like!) So you got yourself something to eat while everyone enjoyed their meal? Like you said, a win-win!

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There's something else going on here that isn't about your cooking and you not eating the meal. Something else made your SO blow up. Does he think you don't spend time with the family? Or does he resent your cooking popular dishes? Or does he take it for granted and not appreciate it? Or does he think that you're cooking and then not doing other household chores? Or maybe your SO is a jerk? Or...?

wasicwitch − NTA. Im curious. what is the dish?

CertifiedWisp − Your teen snarkily asked if the meal 'wasn't good enough for you' as if they had made it themselves, I am laughing SO HARD at the wild lack of perspective. NTA, your SO and kids need to start respecting and appreciating the work you do to feed them.

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Wussy_Pants − Are we sure they weren't upset because they would have rather ate from whatever restaurant you went to, but didn't know that was an option?

librarianknight − NTA. You went out of your way to cook a meal that you not only dislike eating, but even dislike preparing. That's a very nice thing to do! Moreover, you didn't complain about it and made sure you'd eat something for yourself as well.. I can't explain why they're reacting this way, but you're definitely not the a**hole.

johnnymadridlover − NTA, my husband does this to me all time. He and I have very different food tastes. I would make him something he likes, but he gets mad if I don't eat it, but when I make something I like, he gets mad, because he doesn't like it. I can't win.

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These hot takes from Reddit spark curiosity—do they reflect reality, or is the family’s reaction hiding deeper issues? One user’s suggestion that the spouse might resent unappreciated efforts rings true, inviting us to dig beneath the surface.

This kitchen clash reveals how even well-meaning acts can stir the pot when expectations misalign. The user’s effort to please their family while honoring their own limits deserves applause, but clearer communication could turn down the heat. What would you do if you were in their shoes—cook the dreaded dish, eat it grudgingly, or stand your ground? Share your thoughts and experiences below; let’s dish on family dynamics and gratitude!

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