AITA for not doing my MIL’s breastfeeding exercises?
A pregnant woman with a history of trauma making physical contact with her breasts unbearable faces intense pressure from her husband and mother-in-law (MIL) to perform “breastfeeding exercises” involving touch, despite her clear boundaries. Her husband, influenced by his mother, insists it’s necessary to prepare for breastfeeding, dismissing her trauma as an obstacle to a “normal life.”
The couple’s conflict escalates as she refuses MIL’s involvement, feeling violated by the suggestion. The Reddit community strongly supports her bodily autonomy, condemning the husband and MIL’s insensitivity. Is she wrong to reject these exercises, or are her boundaries justified given her trauma?
‘AITA for not doing my MIL’s breastfeeding exercises?’
The pregnancy was unplanned, and the woman has trauma around her breasts
He suggested MIL perform the exercises
Your refusal to participate in MIL’s breastfeeding exercises is entirely valid. Your trauma establishes a clear boundary around your body, and no one—not your husband, MIL, or anyone else—has the right to pressure you into violating it. Your distress reflects a natural response to a boundary violation, and your husband’s dismissal of your feelings as “abnormal” is deeply insensitive.
The husband and MIL’s behavior suggests trauma insensitivity (lacking trauma-informed care, per van der Kolk’s framework), where they prioritize their beliefs about breastfeeding over your psychological safety. The suggestion of MIL touching your breasts, even clothed, is inappropriate and likely exacerbates your trauma, as it disregards your autonomy and past experiences. His fixation on breastfeeding may stem from external influence (MIL) or anxiety about societal norms, but it doesn’t justify overriding your needs.
This situation could impact your mental health and parenting experience. Forcing physical contact risks retraumatization, potentially affecting your ability to bond with your baby or feel safe in your marriage. Your children may also sense tension, making it critical to model healthy boundaries. Formula feeding is a valid choice, and your health must come first.
Advice: Firmly restate your boundaries to your husband, emphasizing that formula feeding is your choice and non-negotiable. Seek a trauma-specialized therapist to address ongoing triggers and explore baby-carrying alternatives that avoid breast contact. Request a couples counseling session to discuss his insensitivity and MIL’s influence. Consult your OB/GYN to create a birth plan that supports formula feeding and protects your boundaries during delivery.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
The Reddit community unanimously supports the woman’s right to bodily autonomy, condemning her husband and MIL’s inappropriate pressure. Here’s what they said:
Supporting bodily autonomy and formula feeding:
Criticizing the husband and MIL’s proposal:
Urging continued therapy for practical concerns:
This distressing situation highlights a pregnant woman’s struggle to maintain bodily autonomy against her husband and MIL’s invasive pressure to perform breastfeeding exercises that trigger her trauma. Her refusal to allow MIL’s involvement is a stand for self-protection, backed by the Reddit community’s condemnation of her husband’s insensitivity and MIL’s overreach.
The conflict raises concerns about her marriage dynamics and future parenting challenges. Should she hold firm on her boundaries, or seek compromise to ease family tension? What’s your take on balancing trauma recovery with family expectations during pregnancy?
