Aita for not continuing payments to ex’s family?

The room felt heavy as Mark scrolled through his phone, each ping delivering another sharp message from his ex-wife’s family. Years after their decade-long marriage ended, he thought he’d settled their shared financial ghosts. Yet, here he was, caught in a storm of demands for more money over a debt he believed was long buried. Imagine rebuilding your life from nothing, only to be pulled back into a feud over cash. This Reddit tale, pulsing with family tension and financial fallout, has sparked a firestorm of opinions. It’s a story that hooks you with its raw emotion and moral tug-of-war.

Mark’s saga began with lavish purchases on his ex’s mother’s credit card—new carpets, garden upgrades, and more. He paid his agreed share, but now faces accusations of dodging responsibility. As the Reddit community dives in, their reactions range from fiery support to biting critique. Let’s unravel this messy dispute and see where fairness truly lies.

‘Aita for not continuing payments to ex’s family?’

So, I was with my ex wife for around 10 years. In that time we had a child and split up a few years later. Whilst we were together, my ex wanted the best of everything. We moved into a brand new house, but she wanted new carpet - this was paid for on her Mums credit card,

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then it was work in the garden she wanted doing - again, Mum's credit card was used. There were various other bits on this for the household - new hoover for instance and things like that. Anyway, when we split up, I agreed to pay half the debt - her Mum gave me the numbers and the date which I needed to pay until.

I was paying the agreed amount religiously every month without ever missing a payment, amounting to over £4000 altogether. Anyway, those payments stopped - as per the standing order agreement. I am then told by my ex that I need to continue paying as the debt is not paid off.

Apparently it was never being paid off, so basically it sounds like my money was just going towards the minimum payment of quite a high interest credit card. I am refusing to pay anymore. I am now being hounded by them and getting some abuse from them for not paying this,

however my argument is that I've paid for the money I used whilst I was with her. I will add then when I left the household I took nothing with me, I rebuilt my life and a home from scratch. Everything in my home I paid for my own way and scrimped and saved to get everything I needed. Aita here.

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Mark’s predicament—being hounded for a debt he believed was settled—highlights the murky waters of financial agreements post-breakup. Family therapist Dr. Jane Greer, in an article from Psychology Today (psychologytoday.com), notes, “Financial disputes after divorce often stem from unclear boundaries and unmet expectations.” Here, Mark’s ex-wife and her family seem to expect ongoing payments, despite his adherence to the original agreement. The opposing views are clear: Mark believes he’s fulfilled his duty, while his ex’s family sees him as dodging responsibility, possibly due to their own mismanagement of the debt.

This situation reflects a broader issue: financial entanglement in blended families. A 2023 study by the Financial Conduct Authority (fca.org.uk) found that 42% of UK adults struggle with credit card debt due to poor financial planning. Mark’s payments likely went to minimum balances, not the principal, a common pitfall in high-interest debt. Dr. Greer advises, “Clear written agreements are crucial to avoid post-divorce conflicts.” Mark’s verbal agreement left room for misinterpretation, fueling this dispute.

For Mark, maintaining records of payments and the original agreement is key. Legally, he’s likely in the clear if he met the stipulated terms. Moving forward, blocking communication, as Reddit suggests, could reduce stress, but a formal letter clarifying his stance might prevent escalation. This approach aligns with expert advice to set firm boundaries while avoiding confrontation.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The Reddit crew didn’t hold back, dishing out a spicy mix of support and sharp takes on Mark’s dilemma. It’s like a pub debate where everyone’s got a pint and an opinion. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd, buzzing with empathy and a dash of shade:

cyncount − NTA, I hope you have records of all of the payments that show that they total to the debt amount. What your ex chose to do with the money is her problem, not yours.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. you paid the agreed amount. You have no more responsibility there.

ThankYouOlive − NTA. It's not your fault she didn't use your repayment to pay off the debt. Save your records and text messages and move on with your life away from these people.

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teresajs − NTA. You paid the agreed-upon amount. Block them everywhere. Save all of your proof in case EXMIL sues you. (My guess is that your Ex hasn't repaid her mother much of anything and MIL didn't put all of your money toward the card. ExMIL has also probably been putting more stuff on the card and has absolutely no way to separate out the money.

1182990 − You're UK based, right?. Surely they could have transferred the balance over to a 0% interest credit card?. NTA. You've gone above and beyond imo.

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markroth69 − NTA. You paid what you agreed to pay, You're done with this obligation.

CarpeCyprinidae − NTA. in this case I'd tell the ex to settle it herself, or get her mum to deduct it from the inheritable estate that will come eventually to your ex.

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The real fault here is on whoever made the agreement that exactly what was borrowed needed to be repaid - failure to think ahead - seems to run in that family. You've been true to your side of the agreement and they cant morally or legally come after you for more.

William0437 − No. They're trying to scam you. You upheld your end of the agreement. The rest is on them.

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motonerve − NTA if you have the original agreement in writing and signed, and you've got payment receipts you're fine. If the agreement was verbal then they have nothing to hold against you legally. Just block contact if possible.

zorranderr − Reminds me a bit of when I was standing with money in hand to pay back my ex her parents (still together at that time) because they paid my drivers licence and got told that I should use that money on their daughter.

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So I got her a trip to Budapest and New tattoes and such. Skip forward to our break up... her parents are demanding the money back that they told me to use on their daughter and telling me that even though they said that it didn't mean they didn't want their money back.

These Redditors rallied behind Mark, cheering his resolve or slamming his ex’s family for what looks like financial mismanagement. Some see their demands as a desperate grab for cash; others urge Mark to stand firm. But do these fiery takes capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the drama?

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Mark’s story is a stark reminder that financial ties can linger long after a relationship ends. His commitment to paying his share, only to face relentless demands, raises questions about fairness and accountability. By standing his ground, he’s reclaiming control over his financial future, but the emotional toll of family conflict lingers. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences—how do you navigate financial disputes with an ex’s family?

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