AITA For not considering my parents adopted children as my siblings?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Imagine a family dinner where the warmth of reunion is suddenly doused by a bombshell expectation. A 26-year-old, thriving in their own life, visits their aging parents, only to learn they’re expected to become a stand-in parent for two young adopted children they barely know. The air thickens with tension as voices rise, and a once-close bond frays over unspoken assumptions. It’s a story of love, duty, and the weight of choices made by others.

This redditor’s tale pulls us into a whirlwind of family dynamics, where late-in-life adoption sparks a clash of responsibilities. Caught between gratitude for their privileged upbringing and the shock of being roped into a role they never signed up for, they’re left questioning their stance. As the Reddit community weighs in, we’re drawn into a debate about obligation, fairness, and the future of two innocent kids.

‘AITA For not considering my parents adopted children as my siblings?’

I know the title probably makes me sound horrible, but there is a lot more to the story. So my parents had me very late in their lives after a crapton of tries and being told they could not have kids. Well here I am, but my dad was 51 and my mom 45 when I was born.

Despite their age they were amazing parents, loving, caring, strict but fair and they were in a very good financial position in large part due to their age, so they put me through very good schools and paid my tuition to Uni and so on, in other words I had a great youth and was set up for success.

Well I am 26 now, I am doing well for myself, however the problem started 3 years ago. They missed having me in the house, it felt empty they said so they were considering adoption from another country where laws are more lacking as in our country their age would likely prevent them from even being considered, I told them that this was a horrible idea due to thrir age.

Last year they succeeded in adopting a little girl and her brother aged 3 and 5 and I have only met them a few times so far all times they were extremely shy and frankly, I am not close to them at all as I live halfway across the country so obviously I do not consider them my siblings but more so as my parents kids.

Issue is my dad is now 77 and my mom is 71, they are still very fit for their age and have a live in nanny to help out, but lets be honest, they are in the agegroup where it is likely the end is near.

So I visited them a week ago and asked them what their plans were for the kids if they die before they are adults and they were pretty much lost for words, looked confused and answered 'Obviously you will take them in, you are their brother.'

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I pretty much had the same rwaction as they had to my question and told them there was no way, I hardly know them, I am not close to them, I do not consider them my siblings and I certainly wont take care of two kids.

Went over about as well as you can expect, loads of yelling and screaming which led to me leaving, I have not spoken to them since apart from my mom sending me messages to reconsider. Obviously I do feel bad though, there is no one else who can take care of them, no other family, no close friends, just me, so they'll end up in the foster system. But Am I the A**hole?

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Talk about a family curveball! The redditor walked into a cozy visit only to be hit with the expectation of parenting their parents’ adopted kids. It’s a messy clash of love and logic, with the parents’ late-in-life adoption stirring up serious questions about responsibility.

The redditor’s refusal to take in the kids makes sense—they’re young, building their own life, and have no bond with these children. Forcing someone into parenthood is a recipe for resentment, especially when they weren’t consulted. The parents’ assumption feels like a blindside, ignoring the redditor’s autonomy. After all, Psychology Today notes that family decisions should involve open communication to avoid conflict.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned family therapist, says, “Healthy families negotiate boundaries with respect for individual needs” . Here, the parents’ choice to adopt at 71 and 77, without a clear plan for the kids’ future, borders on reckless. The redditor rightly called out the lack of foresight, but their hard stance on foster care raises eyebrows. Foster systems can be tough, with Child Welfare reporting that 20% of foster youth face homelessness after aging out.

This situation highlights a broader issue: the ethics of late-in-life adoption. Adopting to fill an “empty house” prioritizes parental desires over children’s long-term stability. The redditor could explore alternatives, like helping identify a trusted guardian through community connections, as suggested by some Redditors. Openly discussing plans with their parents now, while staying firm on their boundaries, could prevent future heartbreak for the kids.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

The Reddit squad brought their A-game, dishing out fiery takes and heartfelt advice on this family fiasco. Here’s the raw scoop from the crowd:

Kari-kateora − NTA. Adopting at their age is a terrible idea. They *know* they will die soon. Frankly, 10-20 years at most is what they can expect. You don't adopt a child because 'the house is empty', you get a bloody dog.

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It shows incredible selfishness and short-sightedness on their part because they clearly haven't given much thought on what will happen to them once they're dead or too old to care for a teenager.

Kecir − NTA. How can they make a decision to adopt two young children so late in life and then make the assumption that when they inevitably pass you will be responsible for caring for them? That is truly f**ked up. They are not your responsibility.

roy_lobster − Bro NTA. It’s very inconsiderate of them. They almost kind of adopted those kids on your behalf. Why didn’t they get a cat or something sheesh.

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[Reddit User] − Nta, you did not agree to be a parent so why would you take these kids that have no relationship to you

Meretneith − NTA. It was their decision to adopt children at their age. They should face the consequences and make plans for the future that don't involve you giving up your life as you know it for a -frankly- reckless decision you had no part in.

FairyFartDaydreams − Normally I would let it slide these children are human beings. ESH except the young children. Your parents should have talked to you about their assumptions before the adoption but you assuming the kids will be fine in foster care if the worst comes is pretty hard hearted. The losers are the kids. Sad

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cricket73646 − NTA. It was irresponsible for them to adopt two kids at their ages without a plan for what happens when they die.

wolfram127 − NTA. You're not being ungrateful for refusing your adopted siblings. It was your parent's decision to adopt the kids. You should not be forced to be a parent if you are not ready.

xtrasmols − Going to go against popular opinion here and say ESH. Obviously your parents are selfish assholes for treating these kids like dogs they just adopted because they were lonely. However, the kids themselves are the victims in this and people saying the parents need to “face the consequences of their actions” aren’t thinking this through.

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It won’t be the parents who face any consequences, it’ll be the children who are put through the foster system if OP won’t take them in. I think it’s an a**hole move to let the kids go into foster care, assuming you are financially and logistically able to take them in when your parents die.

scarybottom − NTA. But figure out something other than foster care for the kids. It is not their fault their adoptive parents are careless and selfish. And Foster care in this country is a problem,. 1- these kids won't be little anymore when it happens- so they are likely to end up in a group home.

2- and I say this from experience, I have volunteered in this system in 3 states, over 20 yr: a child that goes into foster care is at increased risk of molestation and physical abuse. And financial abuse- something like 80% of foster kids have ruined credit when they age out because someone stole their identity when they were in care.

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3- You do not have to be the caregiver. But please, because the kids are not the a**hole here, start discussing legitimate plans for these kids if they pass before they are grown. This could be a family friend,

or someone else in the community they are currently residing (because moving 2 kids into a virtual strangers home after the death of their parents is pretty traumatic- it would be better if the kids KNOW this person. Maybe work through their church to identify someone willing.

Be a part of the process and solution, since you clearly see your parents are not doing so. 4- none of this is your responsibility. I am only asking that, as a child advocate, you consider that the kids are not eh a**hole here, and kids deserve better than this plan.

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These Redditors didn’t mince words, mostly backing the OP’s stance while tossing shade at the parents’ decision. Some urged compassion for the kids, but the vibe was clear: this drama’s got everyone talking. Are they fanning the flames or nailing the truth?

This story is a gut-punch reminder of how family choices can ripple outward, leaving tough decisions in their wake. The redditor’s caught between gratitude for their parents and the shock of an unasked-for burden, while two kids’ futures hang in the balance. It’s a messy, human dilemma with no easy answers. What would you do if your family expected you to step up for a role you didn’t choose? Drop your thoughts below and join the conversation!

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