AITA for Not Coming Home Immediately When my Kids Called me and Said they Threw Up?

In a bustling pediatric clinic, a 29-year-old doctor juggled patient appointments while his phone buzzed with urgent calls from his 8-year-old daughter. At home, his 5-year-old son was sick, vomiting, yet his wife—a kindergarten teacher working remotely directed the kids to call him instead of stepping away from her screen. The distance between his workplace and home stretched into a 45-minute drive, amplifying the tension of a family crisis left unattended.

The situation spiraled into a heated argument when he returned to find his wife still teaching, seemingly unbothered by their son’s condition. Her refusal to hire a babysitter, citing fears of someone else “raising” their kids, clashed with his concern for their safety. This Reddit tale dives into the strain of balancing demanding careers with parenting, pulling readers into a raw debate about responsibility and neglect.

‘AITA for Not Coming Home Immediately When my Kids Called me and Said they Threw Up?’

I(29M) Have 2 kids, 8F and 5M. I am a pediatric physician and my wife is a kindergarten teacher. My wife works in a different school district than the kids. My wife's district has 2 teachers per grade so they decided one would do online and one would do in person. My kids school however does online only.

My wife chose to be the online teacher for kindergarten so we wouldn't have to hire a babysitter for the kids. Well it's like she's not even there. The kids call me for everything and their mom doesn't supervise them at all. I get that but at the same time I know she could take 2 minutes to go check on them when her kindergartners are doing an assignment or something

she has literally admitted to being on her phone when that happens and there are 2 para's on the call who she says do absolutely nothing. Granted I only know what she tells me about teaching online so I may be wrong. The kids can both call and facetime on their tablets and they are constantly calling me at work.

I have an intern who picks up whenever they call me when I'm with a patient. Usually he just tells the kids when I'll be out of an appointment but I just have him pick up to make sure there isn't an emergency. Usually they need help with google meet but the other day right before I had an appointment my daughter called and said my son had thrown up

she said she tried to tell her mom but she just said to call me. I texted my wife to go check on our son and then went into the appointment. My intern said that my daughter texted me saying my wife said to come home but I am not allowed to leave in the middle of an appointment.

I re scheduled the rest of my appointments for that day and went home right after. I went home and my 5YO was pretty sick with a stomach bug. My wife was still in a class when I got back. After she was done we got in a big fight (The kids couldn't hear in case you were wondering).

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She said I should've come home immediately and I said she should've just had one of the Para's teach the rest of her class, she shares her lesson plan with them every morning. I understand her not being able to drop everything when the kids need help but in that case I think we should hire a babysitter.

My wife doesn't want to as she doesn't like the idea of somebody else 'raising' our kids, I think coming a few days a week to make sure our kids don't die doesn't count as raising them. And after today I feel like our children's safety matter more than my wifes ego.

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Also my work is 45 minutes away and she was already in the same house as them so I still think she should have helped. But AITA? Also, please don't suggest divorce, we will think about marriage counseling but I see divorce or breaking up getting brought up way to much in this sub and it is completely not an option here.

This story lays bare the challenges of dual-career parents navigating childcare during a crisis. The father, a pediatrician, couldn’t abandon patients mid-appointment, yet his wife’s refusal to check on their sick son despite being in the same house raises red flags about neglect. Her reliance on an 8-year-old to manage a sick sibling highlights a lapse in parental responsibility.

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Dr. Laura Markham, a parenting expert, notes, “Children need responsive caregiving, especially during illness, to feel secure” . The wife’s focus on her online teaching, while dismissing the children’s needs, suggests a prioritization of work over family in a critical moment. Her objection to a babysitter, fearing it equates to “raising” the kids, ignores the practical need for support.

The broader issue is the strain of remote work on parenting. A 2022 study by the American Psychological Association found 65% of working parents struggle to balance childcare and job demands, often leading to neglectful moments . The wife’s inaction reflects this, while the father’s 45-minute commute underscores his limited options. Both need to address this gap to ensure their children’s safety.

Hiring a babysitter, as the father suggests, is a practical solution to bridge their demanding schedules. Alternatively, the wife could coordinate with her co-teacher or aides to step away briefly during emergencies. For readers, this highlights the need for clear communication and flexible childcare plans. Marriage counseling, as considered, could help align their priorities, ensuring their kids don’t fall through the cracks.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit users firmly supported the father, calling out the wife’s neglect as unacceptable, especially since she was at home. They criticized her for burdening an 8-year-old with caregiving and refusing a babysitter, arguing that her ego shouldn’t trump the kids’ safety.

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Many emphasized the illogic of expecting a 45-minute drive over immediate action from someone in the house. The community urged hiring help, reflecting a consensus that the wife’s inaction was irresponsible and dangerous.

alissa2579 - NTA as of right now no one is “raising” your kids. They are too young to be alone. The fact your wife couldn’t check in on your sick son and expected you to drive 45 mins to do it when she is in the next room is ridiculous

[Reddit User] - NTA. Your wife is at home, it makes LOGICAL SENSE that she would check on the kids if they were sick. Whereas you were 45 minutes away. What if something happened in those 45 minutes? Doesn’t make sense. Your wife’s the a**hole here, big time.

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ParanormalSpiderlily - NTA. Y’all need to figure it out — even if your wife is home she obviously can’t (and shouldn’t) juggle raising her kids and doing her job at the same time, neither will get the attention they need.

You can’t be expects to come home every time there’s an issue, but if your kid is actively sick one of you needs to be able to cal off and be the full time caretaker. Everyone with kids is having a tough time balancing school care and work right now. There’s no shame in getting help. Hire the sitter.

sheetmaskwinebaking - NTA. You couldn't come home immediately, but you rearranged your appointments and came as soon as you could. Your wife was in the same house and couldn't be bothered beyond telling your kids to contact you..

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'My wife doesn't want to because she doesn't like the idea that someone else is raising her kids.' I could be wrong, but going just by what you've written, it seems like your wife isn't doing the 'raising' either, just you are.

My-Username-Is-Dis - NTA, it sounds like working from home wasn’t such a good idea because now the kiddos are missing out. You shouldn’t have to cancel your appointments when she’s at home already. She’s either going to have to be more attentive or hire someone to come in and help.

notdeadpool - Massive NTA here. Your wife is not raising them either as she is ignoring them so her argument is not valid. She is being a horrible parent right now and needs to step up or hire someone to step in.

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beanni77 - NTA Working with doctors I know how much patients love when you force them to reschedule last minute. If your wife insists she can work and parent from home without help from a babysitter then she shouldn’t need help from you that takes you away from scheduled patients. She’s being selfish. Hire a babysitter.

Snowscoran - NTA I understand her not being able to drop everything when the kids need help but in that case I think we should hire a babysitter. My wife doesn't want to as she doesn't like the idea of somebody else 'raising' our kids This is where your wife without doubt becomes the AH.

If she can't come over from remote work in the next room to check on the kid, why in the world would she expect you to be able to take off from work and do a 45-min drive to do the same thing? She handed the task of caring for a sick ~~toddler~~ 5-yo to her 8-yo daughter when she was present in the same house.

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That's not responsible parenting. There are concerns here that go beyond the need for a sitter, but hiring one is an absolute necessity as neither of you have jobs that can be performed with the flexibility that SAH-childcare requires.

grimmistired - NTA, your wife doesn't sound like a parent at all, more like a roommate

wind-river7 - NTA. Start interviewing nannies before something drastic happens that your wife refuses to deal with. If she doesn't want someone in her house, she needs to be proactive in taking care of her children.

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This tale of a sick child and parental conflict exposes the delicate balance of work and family. The father’s delayed response sparked a debate about responsibility when both parents are stretched thin. How do you juggle career demands and childcare emergencies? Share your insights below and let’s explore this parenting dilemma together!

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