AITA for not coming back home after being kicked out?
In many immigrant families, eldest children often shoulder responsibilities far beyond their years, becoming unofficial parents to siblings and emotional anchors for adults. This story follows a young adult who has carried that load for as long as they can remember—cooking, cleaning, raising siblings, mediating conflicts, managing finances, and more—while navigating college and unstable employment.
After a much-needed week-long trip funded entirely by themselves, they returned to find their mother had decided they were “too uncontrollable” for making an independent adult choice. She gave only two days to pack and leave, fully aware of their precarious financial and job situation. What makes the situation more complicated is her subsequent tearful voicemails begging for their return, leaving the child torn between lingering love and deep resentment over years of mistreatment.
‘AITA for not coming back home after being kicked out?’
A lifetime of carrying the family burden leads to a breaking point
The eviction happens despite known vulnerabilities
Tearful pleas create inner conflict
This situation highlights the long-term damage of parentification—when a child is forced into adult roles far too early—often compounded in immigrant families by cultural expectations, trauma, and limited resources. The person has functioned as the family’s emotional, practical, and financial backbone for years, sacrificing personal freedom and stability. Taking a self-funded trip was a healthy assertion of autonomy, yet it was met with punishment disguised as discipline, ignoring their precarious circumstances.
The mother’s sobbing voicemails suggest regret, but without a clear apology or acknowledgment of the harm caused, they appear more like grief over lost convenience than genuine remorse. Returning without meaningful change risks resuming the cycle of exploitation and emotional manipulation. Her history of enduring abuse from the father may explain—but does not excuse—her treatment of her child.
From a broader perspective, adult children of dysfunctional families frequently face guilt when setting boundaries, especially when parents weaponize tears or invoke cultural duty. True reconciliation requires accountability from the parent, not just emotional appeals. The person isn’t wrong to prioritize their safety, education, and mental health; protecting oneself after years of giving is an act of self-preservation, not selfishness.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
The vast majority strongly support the person, viewing the mother’s actions as manipulative and the eviction as a wake-up call to break free from years of exploitation.
Several commenters focus on the emotional manipulation and long-term parentification, urging the person to stay independent.
A few emphasize safety and practical concerns while affirming the decision.
The person has spent their life sacrificing for family stability, only to be punished for asserting independence and then guilt-tripped with tears when the convenience disappears. While the mother’s regret appears real, it centers on loss of labor rather than accountability for years of mistreatment. Staying away protects hard-won autonomy and breaks a painful cycle. Love for a parent doesn’t require returning to harm.
How do you set boundaries with family members who’ve relied on you too heavily? Have you experienced parentification or cultural pressure to prioritize family over self? What would it take for reconciliation in a situation like this? Share your thoughts below!
