AITA for not changing my wedding date after my ex-girlfriend informed me she was getting married that day as well?

Imagine planning your dream wedding, only to get a call from your ex demanding you change the date because she’s tying the knot on the same day. That’s the pickle one man found himself in when his ex-girlfriend insisted he move his July ceremony to spare their mutual friends from choosing sides. With deposits paid and plans set, he told her to change her date instead, sparking a battle over who “owns” the day. Now, friends are caught in the middle, and tensions are high.

This Reddit tale dives into the awkward clash of past relationships and present vows, where logistics and egos collide. It’s a story of standing your ground in the face of an ex’s entitlement. Was he wrong to hold firm, or is she overstepping? Let’s unpack this wedding date drama and find the truth.

‘AITA for not changing my wedding date after my ex-girlfriend informed me she was getting married that day as well?’

Hey everyone I’ll make this short. My fiancée (24F) and I (31M) are having a small wedding ceremony in July. I just found out that my ex girlfriend (28F) is also getting married on the same day (we broke up about two years ago).

Her and I dated for several years, and have many of the same friends. She called me up, telling me I needed to change our date so our friends don’t need to “pick” which wedding to go to. We’ve already put down all of our down payments.

I told my ex if she was so worried about it she can change her date, she said no because she “picked that date first” (I honestly don’t know who “picked out” a day first).. AITA for telling her I’m not changing the date?

Wedding dates are personal choices, but overlapping plans with an ex can turn joy into a tug-of-war. This man’s refusal to change his date, backed by paid deposits, pits practicality against his ex’s emotional plea. Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship expert, notes, “Exes can overstep boundaries when unresolved feelings or competition linger”. The ex’s demand that he move his wedding, claiming she “picked first,” suggests a need for control rather than collaboration.

His perspective—standing firm due to financial commitments—is reasonable, especially since it’s unclear who chose the date first. A 2023 study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 50% of post-breakup conflicts arise from perceived slights over shared social circles. Her concern for mutual friends is valid, but her unilateral demand ignores his constraints. His suggestion that she change her date mirrors her logic, exposing the stalemate.

Dr. Orbuch advises “neutral communication” to defuse such conflicts. He could inform mutual friends of the situation calmly, emphasizing no malice, and let them choose freely. Sending invites early, as one Redditor suggested, could clarify attendance.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit users jumped in with a chorus of support and a few practical tips, tossing shade at the ex’s audacity. Here’s what they had to say:

Illuminator007 − NTA. This is an unfortunate incident, and your guests are likely to be placed in an unfortunate circumstance of having to pick which wedding to attend. Ex makes herself the a**hole by insisting you be the one to change your date, rather than attempting to collaborate.

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Candy4Evr − NTA. You've already put down deposits. She can't call dibs on a wedding date. It doesn't matter 'who picked it first.'. It's like calling dibs on a kids name. She's ridiculous. Pay no attention to her.. Congrats on your wedding! Hope you have many happy years together! :)

genericreddituser147 − NTA. Congrats on the wedding! Events happen on the same day sometimes. Unless you picked that day out of spite, there’s no way to call you an a**hole here. You picked the day that works best for you.

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Out of curiosity, did none of your mutual friends clue you in to the shared date? I feel like if they wanted to stay out of it, they wouldn’t have told either of you. Someone obviously told her. Makes me think she didn’t pick the day first. Or at least didn’t announce first. Snooze you lose.

h_els_belles − Wow, this sucks. NTA though.. You both separately chose this date, but she sounds like a bridezilla demanding you change your date. Should you change your date: do it for you or for your fiancée.

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Try to get a feel which friends would attend and which ones wouldn't: if it will bother you on the day or later that they were not present, look into your options. If not, just go ahead and don't sweat it.. I hope you have a lovely wedding either way!

pbc85 − NTA. She doesn’t want friends to have to pick which wedding to go to because she is afraid they won’t pick hers.

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janewilson90 − NTA. You've paid deposits, you're locked in to that date. Be prepared for people to have to pick between the events though. Its happened a couple of times in my wider friend group and some people got really offened when their event wasn't the one which got 'picked'.. And unless she's paid deposits, its not her date yet. Its her preferred date.

Iron_Avenger2020 − Just make sure you get those invites out before she does

CuriosiT38 − NTA, assuming you didn't set the date to mess with her on purpose. You picked a date that worked for you, fiancee, and family. No one else gets to veto you and certainly not someone you no longer have any obligation to keep informed or happy. The implication that she automatically gets to keep it and you don't is entitled.

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Knittingfairy09113 − NTA. I would let 1 or 2 of the mutual friends know that this was not on purpose and that you'd already put down deposits when you found out. Your ex is going to spin that you did this to spite her considering her hissy fit so it's best to get a little ahead of that.

brownies671 − NTA. I have no idea how you do it there, but where i'm from, we can go to two weddings on a same day. But no, you should stand your ground. Her reasoning behind refusing to change her wedding date is irrational.. P.s. congrats on your wedding and congrats on dodging a bullet!

From cheering his resolve to warning of friend fallout, Reddit’s takes are as lively as a wedding toast. Some see his stance as a no-brainer, others urge proactive friend management. Do these comments nail the balance of principle and pragmatism, or do they miss the emotional stakes?

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This story of dueling wedding dates shows how an ex’s demand can cast a shadow over a couple’s big day. The man’s refusal to budge, backed by paid deposits, clashes with his ex’s plea to spare their friends a tough choice. Was he right to hold his ground, or should he have considered compromising? Share your thoughts—what would you do if an ex tried to dictate your wedding plans? How do you navigate shared friends when love moves on but conflicts linger?

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